Stag do's and lap dancers!

Ok, so I know this is a subject where peoples views differ drastically but to be honest i feel sick.

Two years ago my h2b went on a stag do and they ended up at the lapdancers but he told me they had just gone clubbing. When I found out he said that he knew I would go mad as I admit I am insecure, so he didnt tell me. He said he didnt like the place and found it sleazy, didnt have a dance and left after one drink. The whole thing of looking like an idiot being the only one not go out of the lads was said and he didnt want me to know because he knew how upset I would be.

He has been on a few stag do's since but he has another one next week and I know the stag loves lap dancing clubs so they will end up going im sure. I just feel so physically sick.

I know a girl who used to be a lapdancer and I know that they practically rub their bits in your face.

Myh2b has promised he wont go but after lying to me last time I just dont feel I can trust him. It still plays on my mind whether he did get a private dance last time and just didnt say anything.

I know some people arent really bothered by the whole thing and I wish I was one of them. I just dont get how its ok for a man to have a womens bits in his face just because he is getting married! If he took a women home with him and she undressed infront of him and danced is that any different?

Im sorry if im ranting on- I just cant shake this sick feeling and dont know what to do image


  • Dont fret, hes marrying you, and obviously LOVES YOU. It sounds like he feels uncomfortable at these 'gentleman clubs' anyway.

    My H2B has been to stag do's at gentlemans clubs, and I'm fine with it (I know he's far too tight with his money to fork out for a one to one dance).

    Besides, why have a burger when you get steak at home!

  • Don't worry about feeling sick about it, like you said everyone feels so differently, you are entitled to your opinion.

    I have to say, I am more of the variety where I'm not so bothered by these clubs. I think there is a difference between stripping and lap dancing, I would be very upset if another woman was dancing on h2b lap but if he was just in the club with his mates and there were girls stripping then I'm fine with it. I go along the mentality of lookie but no touchie.

    I have made this quite clear to h2b and I think the compromise works, feel free to go but no touching and no private dances. He has told me the same as your h2b, he finds it all sleazy. And to be honest I believe him. Maybe this is naive but then when his mates tell me that he was really 'boring' and wouldn't go along with any of it then I really do believe him. They were saying they couldn't believe how uninterested he was. Just goes to show what he gets at home is so much better! They also tried to keep it a secret from me that they had been, but I guessed and they were suprised at my reaction. I'd rather have honesty than secret trips to a strip club.

    I can understand that your h2b lied before so you are worried, but it was probably more to protect your feelings than anything else. Explain to him how you feel, if you feel you can then let him go but ask him all about it when he gets back! I found this really helped me because h2b came back with stories like 'she had these awful scars where she had a boob job'.

    And at the end of the day, he's coming home to get into bed with you, and will marry you, not any of the strippers he's seen in some club.

  • I'm afraid I don't have any advice but I'm the same as you. I hate lap-dancers and everything like that. It all makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable, I wish it didn't but there's nothing I can do about feeling like that. Luckily for me my other half hates it too, so when stags come up involving them he makes his excuses and always leaves the do before they go. Thankfully hardly any of his friends like them either so it hasn't come up at all, but he knows how I feel and would never go as he knows how much it would upset me.

    Sorry I don't have any advice but just know you're not alone xx
  • Thanks for all your advice ladies. Im glad im not the only one who doesnt like this.

    I think im going to talk to my h2b and ask him to try and get out of going if at all possible ( the lapdancing part). If he feels like he has to then I really want him to promise not to get a lap dance. I think in my heart of hearts I know he wouldnt but I dont want to be that niave girl who says he wouldnt but then he has a few drinks and gets carried away.

    I want him to promise to be honest aswell. I guess thats all I can do and then try and forget about it. Part of me still thinks i should put my foot down and tell him he cant go to the place full stop but really whats that going to do other than push him away. Men eh - why cant they be happy with a spa day and a few drinks lol x
  • vcb1981vcb1981 Posts: 645
    I am also the same and am not a masive fan at all. I dont really have any advice to be honest as every couple are different.

    I have personally told H2B (already had stag day) that I dont want him going (ever), he knows I dont like it, and if he does, then he is going to be really showing me a lack of respect. And if he is prepared to do that then he really isnt ready to get married.

    I think at thre end of the day, if you dont like it, he should respect that. final.

    good luck hun, dont keep worrying about it, open up to him

  • deleted4deleted4 Posts: 1,248
    My hubby went on his friend's stag do before we were married and got a lapdance. He said it was just really staged, that they all got one but that it was just a bit of fun. You're not allowed to touch them at all!

    He told me all about it and he wasn't exactly raving about it! I think it's built up by some women as much worse than it actually is.

    Personally it doesn't bother me at all. Your h2b loves you, he wants to spend the rest of his life with you! Try not to worry about it so much image If you were on a hen night and the hen got a stripper would you leave? Or go along with it and put it down as an experience?

  • I'm not too worried about H2b going to them, but I would be really hurt if he ever had a private dance or if he lied about going in the first place. He's been twice in the time we have been together. The first time was for a stag do, he felt really awkward and him and his best mate (also best man) left earlier than the others. The second time, him and his best mate spent their time in there talking to the girls and telling them that they should be doing more with their life than stripping image

    The thing is, if you ask H2b not to go then his mates will probably give him a hard time about it and he is probably more likely to be sneaky about it so as not to upset you. I think you need to tell him how much it upsets you so that he knows and then maybe he can text you whilst he is out so you know he is thinking of you.

    Maybe, you could even give him a private dance yourself when he gets home! image xx
  • Hi, I can understand how you feel but I think you are probably thinking it is worse than it is. In a lap dancing place the girls don't come that close to you while undressed unless you have paid for a private dance. If he does pay for a dance then touching is strictly not allowed (not that he would even attempt it, I am sure.)

    By asking him not to go it leaves the door open for him to lie to you to not hurt you. I would simply allow him to go but explain that you would really not be happy if he had a privete dance. (I like the idea of you giving him your own dance!)

    Remember that it is you he is coming home to. xx
  • I have to say that i agree he married you, my h2b as been to many on various stag nights and birthdays and i can honestly say it doesnt bother me at all at the end of his nights out he comes home to me and thats what matters he choses to be with me as i do with him and i think thats hudge and the less i am jelious the more effort he makes i think its healthy to have that but like the others have said every one is different X
  • Everyone is different.  This is a personal boundry that you have.  If he did not like your view and it is so important to him he should not be marrying you.

    Tell him that you dont want him going to a place like this again - and you also dont want him lying to you ever again.  Sure he will look like a pussy to his mates - but so what??  A real man wont worry about that.  Who keeps him warm in bed at night, listens to his problems, nurses him when he is sick.......YOU DO.  So he needs to put YOUR feelings first .  If he does cannot live with your boundries then you are incompatible.  

  • Taking a woman home is a completely different kettle of fish. These girls are performing in the club to earn a living, and performing is exactly what it is. It's all an act.

    I'm not being funny but why don't you I go to a lap dance club one night and see for yourself. My friend was learning pole dance for fitness and wanted to go see it in action. She dragged me along and it was a great night. It was full of girls and not lesbians as you might think. You seem to have a lot of preconceived ideas about it all, why don't you just go and see what it's all about and it might make you feel more at ease. When I went the girls who were in public view were dressed in underwear. It was only the private dances that were done topless. And like someone else said, there is no touching whatsoever unless your h2b wants a black eye.
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