Monster in law

Well, 20 days untill the big day , and the monstor in law has kicked in again. this time over seating plans. she's done well so far, she has tried to talk the other half openly out of marrying me and now she is having a rant about the tables. I've bitten my tounge all the time with her childish behaviour ie telling everyone she has chosen a white outfit with a fasinator with a veil.... and that quote - she will look better than the bride..... none of which i have risen to. but she's getting me mad from the inside now. she isnt botherered on hurting either of our felings - bearing in mind we have been engaged for 2 yrs - so shes had plenty of time to get used to the idea. but since this time last year her attitude and behavior has become appauling. she has even slipped up by calling herself the mother of the bride ( hmmmmm) when she is most definately the mother of the groom.

So ladies any suggestions on this would be great.... i have got the wine bottle ready for after she has been around. but its getting not only to me but her son. cant belive that she wants to spoil the day!!!!!argh feel better for that !!! sorry for the rant!!!!


  • Flower this is horrible and she shouldn't be like this with you, surely the most imprtant thing is that her son his happy - and sorry hope you don't mind me saying but thats a bit weird her wanting to look like the bride at her sons thing to do is concentrate on making your day special for you and the other half and ignore her mindless chit chat!! Good luck and hope everything settles down soon for you x x x
  • thanks - panicing about tonight - we are 2 days late in giving the venues a draft table plan and she has had the oppotunity to come round all last week. so i rung this am , and said the issue of it being late - and hse just freaked out saying so xxx isnt on the table then..... its liek she wants an argument for arguments sake. my family are getting sick of it - my oh mum and dad split years ago, but his mum wont make the effort with anyone. ib ny hen do she refered to me as looking like barbie..... she had the chance to speak to her ex;s new partner but was unwilling to even say hello. so can see he upsetting my oh tonight with her comments.

    sorry its really getting to me now!!
  • RowenaFWRowenaFW Posts: 2,078
    It sounds to me like she is jealous and stressed. But you have behaved admirably and I doubt I could have turned away as you have done. I think the real issue here is her upsetting your OH. Obviously it's extremely unpleasant for you, but you are dealing with it in the best possible way. Does your OH know about the comments she has made (e.g. about her outfit and looking better than you? and about looking like a barbie?). I imagine it is pretty heart wrenching for him that his mother won't accept the woman he has fallen in love with, without any claims/ideas that you might have done something wrong (i.e. she seems to be disliking you for the sake of it).

    I wish I could offer some more helpful advice, but I can only tell you to soldier on, be nice to her, humour her, but don't sacrifice things for her because she won't appreciate it.
  • Why is she even seeing the table plan?? image I'm not going into that kind of detail with anyone except my h2b

    Personally I would tell her that she's too late, that your venue needed the plan as it was late already so she's missed her oportunity and it's confirmed and all decided and can't be changed and you don't want to dis

    It's frankly none of her business in the first place and she sounds a nightmare, if she complains then put it back in her court, say she had long enough to have her say and now it's too late
  • Seriously, id sort the table plan with your H2B, she shouldnt have a say in it! And, just remember, if she wears that outfit to your wedding people will be laughing at her!! crazy lady!!
  • ducky_86ducky_86 Posts: 115
    I agree with the other girls, don't involve her with the table plans!! Its not her place to say who sits where etc, its you and your H2Bs day, not hers!! You only have 20 days left, maybe stay away from her until big day, let your H2B do all the talking to her! You got enough to think about and also im sure that you want to enjoy the last couple of weeks of planning and getting excited about your day! Can't believe she going to wear white and a veil?! Do you think she might be just saying that to wind you up? She just going to look like a idiot infront of all of the family!! I think she will re-think that!!

    Good luck and have a great wedding day! image
  • Totally crack on with your wedding planning without her input. She has proved how little respect she has for your feelings so although it's really nice of you, you shouldn't be worried about hers. What's your H2B's take on all this? I think you both need to make it abundantly clear to her that the table plan is fine, you're both happy with it, and you will be. Submitting it to your venue as is.

    And if she shows up at your wedding dressed up like a dog's dinner, she will only end up looking foolish and more than a little crazy. It looks like she has issues with the 'loss' of her son, and possibly some kind of jealousy that she won't be the centre of attention. Have a word with your photographer and make sure you get plenty of shots 'sans weird MIL' , so that if the worst comes to the worst, you will have plenty of nice photos for your home image
  • She sounds like a complete crackpot - STAY AWAY FROM HER UNTIL AFTER THE WEDDING, AVOID ALL CONTACT!

    Good luck!
  • From what you've said, no matter what you do, she's going to kick up a row. Choosing an outfit with the intention of outshining the bride is a seriously spiteful gesture, and one designed to cause maximum hurt.

    I would just get on with your planning and not involve her in any of it.

    If she doesn't like what you've arranged then tough. She doesn't have to be there.
  • I don't have any useful advice really apart from avoid her as much as possible (I'm thinking waving a cross at her yelling "STAY BACK!" as though she was a vampire here) and also maybe ask one of your friends to 'accidentally' tip a whole glass of red wine down her dress if she is so unbelievably spiteful as to turn up at your wedding in white with a white fascinator! Also if you do have the misfortune of bumping into her before the wedding maybe have a loud conversation with someone that she will definitely overhear along the lines of "I think it is a bit of a shame that MIL is wearing white with a fascinator, I mean I don't know how to tell her tactfully but it's going to be awfully embarrassing for her if people mistake her for the bride, I mean they're going to think she wants to marry her own son!" you sound like a little angel, worried about her feelings, but she hopefully gets the message that she is an absolute twit! As I mentioned at the beginning, this advice isn't necessarily useful but it might be nice to imagine doing what I said rather than actually doing it...
  • mism1mism1 Posts: 307
    U should maybe just say to her you've decided to change Ur dress for a blue one then she might turn up in blue I think u sound amazing and a very graceful lady maybe say Ur.really worried she's upseting her son with her attuidute it might jolt her into realsing she's give over the top
  • Just as an update, the monday night meeting went well after she guzzled half a bottle of wine. i thought things were looking ok, we had told her the script. but then on saturday ( with 14 days left to go), me mum and sister spent the day boxing items up , cameras, sparkles for tables, you get the gist for every table. so got home on the sat night, thought we would bob round to inform her that everything was confirmed. and she said to me you look shattered - well durr i would be had cleaned mums from top to bottom and done loads of wedding stuff. she said i should chill and why was i stressed. then she had the cheek to say i had lost control of the wedding , and that i should be looking forward to the honeymoon ( Or the holiday as she called it). she then proceeded to state that she needed th postcode for the church and the venue to put in sat nav.

    I flipped, i told her to google it, i told her she had no idea of the time and effort that sgone into the wedding, that she doesnt appreciate it and that if she is so hell bent on moh not marrying me to cancel the wedding if she wants. then she carried on statring that i shouldnt be so upset - that i'm depressed and need help. i got up ad walked out. oh stopped there , and had a ding dong with her. then his step dad got involved and backed up everything i had done and said.

    we have wedding practice on thurs, so will see how that goes - but stopping out of her way - dont have the patience or time for her - she is a sad woman that needs to realise that her son is 30 not 3, and show some respect to the woman that he is marrying.

    sorry for the rant - but thanyou for all your advice - it helped - until i flipped ( although i must say its been a long time coming!).

  • Flowergirl i think you were totally within your rights to "flip" and most people would have already done it by now! By the sounds of it your H2B's dad supports you not his wife, which just goes to show who is in the right!!

    I wouldn't even give the effort it takes to talk to her if i was you - and just remember any fuss she makes / anything she says is just going to make her look bad - it won't reflect on you at all! Most importantly try to forget about her, surround yourself with friends and family up to and including your big day and don't let her stress you at all.

    Just make sure you have the most amazing wedding day! image x
  • My mil2b comes in the 'monster' category too, so I know how you feel. Mine saw our table plan on wedding website and had plenty to say about who was sitting where, but we just ignored it all! As we had spent ages doing the plan to best accommodate everyone.

    Then Monday night h2b had her on phone for nearly an hour, banging on about how the fact we'd had 2 guests drop out was such a disaster and how upset she was by it - god knows how she managed to turn that around to effect her!

    I have managed to not flip at her (so far!) But completely understand why you did at yours, its good tho, that it sounds like you have h2b and his stepdads support, which is important, as it'll show others that its mil to blame.

    If I was you, I'd keep away as much as possible and carry on doing things way you and h2b want too.

    Have a fantastic day image
  • Wedding reheral was last night, she ignored me completely and just said hi. then proceded to tell the vicar at the end what she wanted. argh!!!! she also tried to not include the oh's dad so when getting ready for procession i shouted down the church to get him involved.... needless to say she had a face like thunder..... dropping her husband suit off tonight.... and then she can be in contol of it because it'll stink of stail cigarette smoke onces its been in her house. and then i'm leaving .

    thansk for all your support ladies xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • I would do something like get someone to say something to her, like if she does turn up in a white dress and fascinator, I would get someone to say 'thats an interesting wedding outfit, I thought the bride wore white? Anyone would think you wanted to be the centre of attention!' Puts her on the spot and puts her in her place without being nasty.

    I had a friend who decided to invite one of her friends without asking as 'it made her hotel bill cheaper', not caring that it would cost me and my parents a lot more as it was per head! So I got all my friends to say to her 'oh, is this your girlfriend?' The undertone being that she was a lesbian. Quite mean but soooo funny!
  • nats2013nats2013 Posts: 6,253
    Why is she even seeing the table plan?? I'm not going into that kind of detail with anyone except my h2b

    Personally I would tell her that she's too late, that your venue needed the plan as it was late already so she's missed her oportunity and it's confirmed and all decided and can't be changed and you don't want to dis

    It's frankly none of her business in the first place and she sounds a nightmare, if she complains then put it back in her court, say she had long enough to have her say and now it's too late

    got to agree with this. luckily my future mother in law lives in n ireland and we live in london so there is noooooooooooooo way she is getting involved. with only a few days left to get everything done i think you can be suitably busy to not have to answer her calls or let her inter fear. you are doing great-dont let it spoil your day!! YOUR DAY FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND!!!
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