Please Help, Am I being silly? Why I am I so sad about the idea of a reception in a golf club?

I'm normally a very practical person, H2B and I are on a very small budget and we were going to have our reception in a church hall but then H2B's Dad said he'd rather we didn't have an M&S Buffet in a church hall and would be happy to pay half of the cost of the reception if we would go somewhere with catering. So we looked at places we thought we could afford and that were within a half hours drive of the church and narrowed it down to a museum and two golf clubs. I love the museum, even though the room is so small that it would need to be re-arranged after the meal so that we could dance. It's got floor to ceiling windows, a high ceiling wood floor and white walls, it's a blank canvas that I can totally imagine making my own. However the cost for eating there has gone steadily up since we opened neogtiations, with everything being +VAT (i.e. they didn't include VAT in the price we were first given) and it's gone beyond what we can easily afford. So, we are left with the golf club we stayed in contact with, the food and service they offer is lovely but I just don't like the room, the ceiling is too low and the colour scheme is all grey and brown, very neutral and quite well done but totally not to my taste (I am a big fan of warm, bright, cheerful colours, our colour scheme is rich purple and ivory, with various accent colours in all the lovely shades sweet peas come in). I try to look at the positives but I just feel miserable when I think about having a reception there, am I being silly? My Fiance thinks I am, he says it's hurtful that I keep saying, I don't like the golf club because I want it to be special and it just doesn't feel special. He says it will be special because we're getting married I know he's right and I'm being irrational but I'd rather go back to the church hall than the golf club, I just really really don't like it and I can't explain why, I tried saying it puts me in mind of our End of 6th Form bash and I don't want it to feel like that because it's a wedding but he doesn't get it and I can't put how I feel into words.



I am really sorry this is so long and that I am so het up about such a trivial issue. I really need you lovely ladies to either knock some sense into me until I feel happy going to the golf club or reassure me that it's alright to feel this way.

Posts

  • 278_uk278_uk Posts: 52
    I understand entirely! We've gone for a smaller venue because the bigger one (rugby club or something like that) didn't feel right.



    But there are things you can get to tiddle the place up - you can hire chair covers and backdrops from somewhere like http://www.easyhirechaircovers.com/accessories.html, or festoon the place with bunting and fairy lights. Most places need to be made special to some extent.



    Good luck xx
  • RowenaFWRowenaFW Posts: 2,078
    Have you considered hiring caterers independently to come to teh church? Then your FIL2B could help out with that to get the kind of meal he wanted but you don't have to be miserable.
  • You're not being silly, don't worry.



    You need to have your reception in a venue that feels right for both you and your h2b. Your h2bs dad is being very generous offering to pay half the price, but in doing so it seems some of the choice has been taken away from you.



    If you want your reception in a church hall with a buffet go for it! You said in your post that the reason you were looking for somewhere with catering was because your h2bs husband would rather you didnt have a buffet...as I mentioned, offering to pay for half the costs is very generous of him, but it is up to you and your h2b what sort of reception you have, and you shouldn't feel forced to do something different because he says so and has offered to pay.



    How did you h2b feel about the church hall, do you think he is being influenced by his dad?



    I personally think you should sit down and talk to your h2b about what the two of you want, explain to him that you need to compromise and find somewhere you are BOTH happy with as it is your day as much as it is his.



    Good luck image



    Katy xx
  • Your wedding should be your way! If your not happy with the golf club then don't have it. If your saying you would rather have the church hall then stick to your guns. Its your FIL who wants the golf club but its not his wedding.



    You don't want to look back on your wedding day with regrets so think about it. x
  • RowenaFWRowenaFW Posts: 2,078
    I think you have a basic level communication problem with your H2B and you need to make sure this is resolved before you make any decisions re wedding.



    Your H2B is failing to understand the difference between the marriage is the most important thing, let's not get bogged down on teh frivolities and the marriage is the only important thing, everything else is frivolities.



    A wedding is a big deal and very expensive. When you get married you want the whole thing to be an experience; this is why people add music, readings, smart clothing, nice food, et cetera. The atmosphere, aesthetics and feel of the venue also matter (not that you should be overly picky about it!), so your concerns about teh golf place are valid. If you don't like it, you need to consider other options.
  • We looked at a golf club for our wedding and I didn't like it, didnt feel special enough to me but I have a friend who loves the golf club she is having her reception at and doesnt like the venue we have chosen, which I find stunning.



    Its all about individual taste image



    I think the idea about hiring caterers is a great middle ground, you get the venue you want and your FIL has the style of food that he deems appropriate.
  • Thankyou so so much everyone for the prompt replies, I think you've sort of summed up part of the problem Rowena. And everyone else as well to some extent, we just had a rather heated discussion and at first H2B said he couldn't understand why the reception venue mattered but then H2B said he'd rather have the church hall then Museum after I said, I'd rather have the church hall than the golf club. He hates the idea of the guests being inconvenienced whilst the room is rearranged even though they could wander the museum whilst this was happening. Maybe we should have stuck with the church hall. I don't know I am panicking a bit because it is getting so close to the wedding but I will have a very quick look into catering options and then have another discussion with H2B tonight after church.
  • We just had a chat over lunch, H2B is happy to go back to the church hall, I am now frantically try to find a good caterer in Reading and then I will need to get in touch with the lady in charge of hiring the church hall and beg forgiveness and ask if it's still available *sigh* we're both much happier now but I don't know what we'll do if we can't get the church hall back, it's not worth thinking about so I won't think about it yet, no point worrying when we don't know if that will be the case. Thanks again everyone!
  • So glad to get to the end of reading and find you've come to a great compromise! I'm sure you'll be able to find a decent caterer, there are plenty about image



    Fingers crossed for you that the church hall is still available, make sure you come back and let us know!!
  • doorstopperdoorstopper Posts: 1,674
    Glad it's on its way to being sorted. I'm having my reception in a church hall with a caterer as well, and really pleased with how it's turning out so happy to share experiences/ideas! image



    Edited because it didn't read very well!
  • Hi All, just a quick update to say that my Uncle (the church minister) thinks I should be fine to get the hall back, he's going to have a chat with the group that usually use it on a Saturday but he thinks that they'll understand and that we're giving them enough notice.

    I have found lots of nice looking caterers, but not an awful lot of cheap ones, so still working on that, I'm thinking maybe of going for a hog roast, they seem very reasonably priced when you've got quite a lot of guests.

    @doorstopper: Thanks image I have joined in on the Church Hall thread (under receptions) so maybe have read some of your posts on there? I would love to share ideas. In particular, I am currently thinking about whether to hire people to wait tables and clear up etc because I don't want to burden family and friends. Have you thought about doing this? Do you have any idea how much it would cost?

    Thanks everyone
  • Glad you got this all sorted! I like a happy ending!



    The hog roast idea is an excellent idea - we had one for our evening food last year and it was so good!!!
  • So glad you said that MrsL1978, guess what H2B's parents think off it: "too informal" *bangs head against wall* I could scream, I really could! Maybe I should say "if you want something really fancy you're going to have to give us even more money" but they probably would and then I'd feel bad.

    *Sigh* they're not bad really, I normally get along excellently with them and I know if I said "well, we're having one anyway" they wouldn't kick up a fuss about it, they'd probably nod and say "of course, it's your day" but because they're not being too pushy and because we get along I don't want to do this. Also, if I did I'd be worried about what they were really thinking all the time *sigh* if they were completely unreasonable I'd feel justified ignoring them, but they're not so I'll keep looking.

    Wedding+trying to please everyone=STRESS!!!
  • I've learnt this weekend to ignore my other halfs parents. They're moaning because no-one from their side of the family has a role in the wedding - erm, his sister is a BM! No-one from MY family has a role actually! And also, they were going on about how big a wedding it is (which it isn't) - my other half is having twice as many guests as I am! Grrr! I think your ideas sound lovely!
  • Thanks CoraApple, we are already hiring out crockery etc, just nice plain stuff not vintage though, I might see whether they'd be more amenable to the idea if it was served and see how much this would cost. I'm also looking into fork and finger buffets but I would like at least some of the food to be hot and that drives the price up, we have found quite a reasonably priced hot fork buffet but it still works out £400 more expensive than the Hog Roast once you add on VAT. I think they'd prefer that though, I might show them it. What they said was they would pay half of the reception cost if we got it properly catered, so I guess we'd only have to find £200 of the £400...

    Edited to say, that sucks Abblylovescakes, you have my sympathy, but having seen some of the threads about Monster in Laws on here I think that we have gotten off very lucky really. Certainly, whenever I read about what some MILs and FILs get up to, I am very grateful that we mostly all get along.
  • So glad you have got the venue you are both happy with.

    What I'd do is have a little chat with the in laws and word it along the lines of

    " I have been doing a bit of research on the food front and this is what I have come up with."

    Explain the different options and prices , leaving out your opinion/ worries on the cost

    then ask them what they think.

    Its sounds like your quite open on the food front , where as they seem to have a set idea of how it should be.

    By wording it that why they should hopefully feel very including and if they want to pay more for a more formal meal . Its been their choice as you ask for their opinion, so it can't be turned round to you demanding more money from there. ( Hope that make's sense).
  • Quoted:
    What they said was they would pay half of the reception cost if we got it properly catered, so I guess we'd only have to find £200 of the £400...


    But it does increase your budget, which since you're not keen on that option overall is quite unfair



    I would sit them down, go through the options and say what your budget stretches to and that you don't want them to have to pay more than the half they have offered, it's easy for them to make judgements and opinions without actually having the facts of the prices infront of them, hopefully they will see that you are not just wanting your own way, but you're being practical on a financial front as well
  • nats2013nats2013 Posts: 6,253
    the first moment i started getting stressed over the wedding cause of something my future MIL said my mum simply said "it's your day, dont you worry about everyone and everything, do what you and partner want" great advice, so when MIL says how are we all supposed to get over to you if you have it in England (they live in N Ireland) i have to think, that's not my problem! -how would everyone else get over there if we had it close to them?!



    its your day, do what you and your partner want and are comfortable with and it's bound to be a great day!



    one of the people i walk my dog with says everyone enjoys a wedding except the bride and groom who are too busy fusing over everything-dont let that happen!!!!
  • My dear friend I am sitting here in absolute despair trying just to get thru each hour after being dumped, I would have married my man in skip,so you have your lovely time at the golf club I so wish it was me xx
  • Thirdtimemaybe, your pain does not make this poster's feelings less valid. She posted for support as you did. I can totally understand her point of view. To the OP, I do hope you can find a way to have a wedding that suits you both x
  • I learnt that you can't please everyone in the planning of the big day - but make sure it is decisions what YOU and your h2b are happy with, it's your day after all.

    Good luck with your planning. x
  • RowenaFWRowenaFW Posts: 2,078
    Glad it all worked out! I'm getting married in Oxford, so if you want to know about our caterer or others we have looked at, we may be some help. We're paying £40pp for what is really a 4-course meal disguised as a 2-course (starter, sorbet, main, cake and tea and coffee...). This isn't bad, esp as they quote inc. VAT whereas a lot of caterers quote ex VAT and end up about £10pp more expensive. :S
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