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My ex has just got married and I feel really weird about it

Sorry to offload, but... I was engaged once before, although we never set a date or planned anything. My ex treated me very badly and eventually left me for his bit on the side.



After we split I got a much better job, eventually met an amazing man and we are now planning our wedding. I couldn't be happier. But I've just found out they have got married and I feel really strange about it.



I'm not jealous - she is welcome to him, believe me, their wedding was the total opposite of everything I would want (not saying how in case I offend anyone who's having the same) and I don't care that they got married first. I just feel really weird about it. I spoke to one of my best friends/bridesmaids and she said it's probably just the realisation that they are still out there, being happy, instead of having the decency to fall under a bus image



He owes me a lot of money that I'm never going to get back and the pair of them basically ruined my life, and I guess I'm just annoyed that they are happy, because I feel like they don't deserve to be. I know it doesn't really work like that. Sorry for venting. xx

Posts

  • ChardonnayChardonnay Posts: 1,761
    Remember, they didn't ruin your life. Because of their actions you met your h2b and didn't get landed with a lying cheating husband to boot. I guess it's just all the 'what could have been's. ' My advice would be just let it go, it's not worth any emotional energy. Be happy.
  • It is shit, and even if you're over him it is going to feel weird, like when my ex (who i wasnt even engaged to) posted a photo of his new baby on Facebook.

    But, I figured at least he left me for someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, rather than some trashy ho-bag. And what wine-woman said.

    Maybe not helpful, but it helped me!?!
  • LOL at wine womans Bus comment!!! But seriously, i think what you're feeling is natural, but just remember he cheated on you to be with her....whats to say he wont cheat on her with someone??

    xx
  • God I have the same feeling every time I hear something has gone right for my ex and its been 4 years since we split up! He was a lying theiving b*stard and I hate his guts still after all this time so when I heard that he had a baby and had moved into a lovely house with some poor girl much younger than him I was angry because I am still living with my parents paying back the debt he got me in! Surely by now I should be over what he did to me but it still hurts to know that iv had to put my life on hold while he's moving on with his. I know he hasn't changed because we have a mutual friend who fills me in on the gossip, i.e whenever he gambles all the rent money away and she chucks him out etc lol but she always takes him back and I think what a lucky escape I had x
  • Yeah, you are all right of course.

    Quoted:
    God I have the same feeling every time I hear something has gone right for my ex and its been 4 years since we split up! He was a lying theiving b*stard and I hate his guts still after all this time so when I heard that he had a baby and had moved into a lovely house with some poor girl much younger than him I was angry because I am still living with my parents paying back the debt he got me in! Surely by now I should be over what he did to me but it still hurts to know that iv had to put my life on hold while he's moving on with his. I know he hasn't changed because we have a mutual friend who fills me in on the gossip, i.e whenever he gambles all the rent money away and she chucks him out etc lol but she always takes him back and I think what a lucky escape I had x


    Sorry to hear you went through something similar. Definitely sounds a lucky escape xx
  • NowMrsMackNowMrsMack Posts: 2,535
    I can understand where you are coming from totally!



    I wasn't engaged to my ex, but we were together over 3 years and he was a rubbish, horrible and uncaring guy who I'm pretty sure did the dirty on me whilst he was at uni.



    We no longer speak as he chose to cut me out when I split up with him, but I've heard through the grapevine that he might be back with his ex-ex who he stayed close to throughout our relationship.



    Rather than jealousy of their relationship and him moving on, I actually feel sorry for her, because she'll never be able to trust him, or have anything as amazing or similar to what I now have with my h2b - because he is a selfish a*se and always will be!



    You know when it suddenly clicks that you have made the BEST decision ever by leaving someone and that you are totally over them in all aspects? Well that is one totally amazing feeling!!! image
  • DanweDanwe Posts: 283
    I has similar! My ex got married September 2010 to the girl he finished with me for and left me struggling to pay our joint mortgage, and my best friend is friends with him on Facebook and gently broke the newsto me. at first I wasn't bothered. THEN, the 'how dare they' stage hit, I checked both their (public) Facebook profiles a few times, saw their wedding photos, (was relieved their wedding was the total opposite of what I want) and haven't really thought about it since. No tears, no anger but plenty if relief I'm no longer with him! She's welcome to him because as a previous poster said; it led me to my H2B and he is a million times the man the ex isn't!!! You'll obsess for a while and then you'll forget about it image
  • my ex husband got married in May. My sister was working as the assisstant registrar at the time and there was some panic she would have to assisst at their wedding. Thankfully she told her boss he was her ex brother in law and he gave her the day off. A part of me was tempted to hide behind a tree to catch a glimpse, but only out of curiosity. It's been nearly 12 years since we split (we married young) and we were married in a registry office followed by a pub reception. He did exactly the same thing this time round. My sister quizzed the registrar the next day, apparently his parents hadn't turned up, the music had to be switched off because they'd chosen a Pink Floyd track that would have played for 10 minutes (I love Floyd, but it's not wedding music really). I don't think they even dressed up.

    I felt the opposite to you. I felt happy he was re marrying, but I also wished he'd had the wedding we didn't.

    I think you might be having the 'why her?' feeling. Why did he treat you like sh!t but he's married her? Why did it work for them and not you?

    One day, you won't care. He'll hear that you got married in beautiful ceremony and maybe, hopefully, feel a pang of regret. image
  • Quoted:
    was relieved their wedding was the total opposite of what I want


    Yeah, me too. Thanks ladies - I think I just wanted to know I wasn't the only person ever to feel like this, you know?
  • mrslane2bmrslane2b Posts: 1,205
    The way I think about my ex - who cheated and has now married his bit on the side (in an awful wedding btw, lol image ) - is that if they weren't together they would spoil another couple!!

    ha ha

    Be thankful you are well rid and with the man of your dreams. image
  • Oh hun!



    I also had this earlier in the year, my ex, whom I left my job country family and friends for to come to the UK, to then proceed to cheat on me, take the p1ss with my money and basically make my life hell for 2 and a half years, also got married in April (Im not sure who he married, it could his ex before me as he definately never got over her)



    I also felt a bit weird when I found out, but ina few days I realized, that thanks to him being such an absolte dush bag I moved to Brighton (so I didn't have to see his face ever again, as he became stalkerish when we split up for good) and met my husband who is the complete opposite, caring, loving and just wonderful to be with.



    So I thought you know what? Karma is a b1tch, and I have faith that what he did to me will come and bite him in the arse one day image
  • MrMunchMrMunch Posts: 216
    I'm glad to hear it isn't just us guys who have these kinds of weird feelings. My ex was the biggest gold digger on earth and I stupidly fell into her clutches.



    I heard she was getting married last year and was initially really, really angry. I went from wanting to turn up at the ceremony and make a speech about her to wanting to put superglue in the locks so no one could get in on the day.



    In the end I done neither and just hope that she ends up a lonely old spinster when her new hubby sees her for what she is.
  • DanweDanwe Posts: 283
    Quoted:
    I'm glad to hear it isn't just us guys who have these kinds of weird feelings. My ex was the biggest gold digger on earth and I stupidly fell into her clutches.



    I heard she was getting married last year and was initially really, really angry. I went from wanting to turn up at the ceremony and make a speech about her to wanting to put superglue in the locks so no one could get in on the day.



    In the end I done neither and just hope that she ends up a lonely old spinster when her new hubby sees her for what she is.




    Oh Mr Munch you do make me laugh! Superglue in the locks would have been hilarious! I think we are all lucky to have escaped our ex's and ended up happy with our current spouses image
  • I had this experience too, I was engaged when I was younger (like 17) and he was such a nob jockey! It was awful as we had such a bad split and it turned into a competition, so by getting married to a girl he met 9 days after we split he had 'won'. Heyho, 2 years and some facebook stalking later and they are now divorced...



    ... What goes around comes around, and if he hasn't learnt or changed then it wont last, as he obviously doesn't know how to value someone.
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