Just needed this off my chest and I feel like no one understands.

My h2b is in Afghanistan and this will be my first xmas without him in 9 years. We've been through many tours but never a winter one and as its family time i'm really struggling. I've been invited to parties that h2b and i usually go together to- but i just cant face them- they think im being selfish. I'm just finding it hard to cope and doing things we usually do together makes me feel even more lonely.

Of course friends and family miss him too that's why they don't understand but its just not the same.

I wish I could go to sleep and wake up when his tour is over.

My friends are great and really considerate but his family put so much pressure on me. They even said they didn't send him anything out for xmas because they thought i would. Of course I have...but I couldn't see their logic.

Sorry just having a low time and dont really see it getting better until the festive season is over. I usually love xmas but for me- xmas is about family and he's not here imageimageimageimageimageimageimage


  • I wont begin to understand hun, but I sincerely hope that you find the strength to get through Christmas and see your h2b soon. He obviously is your world and I would be the same as you in your place. Dont forget those around you want to stay strong for you and want to keep Christmas as normal as possible, try to seek joy in those family gatherings and remember you'll have loads of stories for h2b when he comes home safe.

    I lost a friend 4 years ago now in Afghanistan and have so much support for the troops and the wives and girlfriends at home.

  • My finance works away 5 weeks at a time on a ship doing sciemic survey for gas and oil and then home for 5 weeks and Christmas and birthdays are hard but I always think to mine self what would my other half want me to do. And I know it would not be feeling sorry for myself at home so I always accept offers even if I do not want to ...... Find that I do end up being ok and it makes the time go quicker until my other half is home. Feel your time and it goes quicker. I also make sure I have a turkey in the freezer so we have a second christmas with presents etc when he comes home x x
  • mrs213mrs213 Posts: 148

    My h2b has just left today for afgan, he has just come out of the RAF after serving 9 years (government cuts and all!) he has a job doing what he would in the RAF but he is away for 3 months and home for 3 weeks and so on, so I know what you are going through.

    His brother is also in the RAF and came home Thursday after a 6 month tour, it kinda runs in the family I think!

    I'm feeling a little strange today as the house was so quite when I got back from the airport even with 3 young boys, Christmas well it just isnt the same this year, H2B has had most of his presents before he went but I will send him out a package even though he will get it after christmas.

    Anyway feel free to pm me!
  • Hi r_j

    I'm in the same position, hubby is on the winter tour. Last saw him in September but unlike you, we've never had a Christmas together.

    You're bound to feel low sometimes but saving been through tours before you'll know that the best thing to do is keep busy. I've got 3 Christmas parties booked in already.

    Have a look at www.rearparty.co.uk which is full of lots of lovely other halves going through exactly the same thing as you.

    In the meantime, keep your chin up. X
  • Oh, and as for his family not sending things because thy thought you would??? What???
  • Quoted:
    Oh, and as for his family not sending things because thy thought you would??? What???

    I know! image
  • welshgracewelshgrace Posts: 1,224
    Lots of hugs jam xxxx
  • Hey hun my hubbys been out there for nearly 6 weeks tomorrow,im fining it hard as he misses everythink with him doing a winter tour,he missed my 21st,will miss our first wedding anniversary and will miss xmas and new year with me and his daughter

    Ive learnt just to smile i know its hard to do but we signed up for the army when we got with them so we knew what was coming really when we got married we moved to germany thats where he is based they sent him away for 3 weeks after we lived in our house for 3 weeks i cant drive so i was 400 min away from his camp i didnt know any one but i had to get on with and had no one around me image

    Just think he loves his job and he wont want you to be at home upset it doesnt make it any easier for them its harder for them that us if we want to see family we can get up and go they have to stay with the same people for the next 6-7 months and thats it keep your chin up and when he has his rnr you can do a xmas with him then image thats what we plan to do xxx
  • nats2013nats2013 Posts: 6,253
    my future FIL is over there for christmas and although my partners mum is used to him doing shift work christmas day its te first time hes been properly away. we are going to have a big christmas when he gets back so until then christmas is on hold! it's helping everyone i think but i can understand it must be so so hard. try going to a party with some friends and plan a really great christmas for when he gets back home image
  • singo44singo44 Posts: 3,420
    awww hun this sucks. all you ladies are really brave!!

    Sending lots of hugs xxx
  • Quoted:
    I also make sure I have a turkey in the freezer so we have a second christmas with presents etc when he comes home x x

    That's a great idea. x
  • You poor love, that must be awful and I can understand why you feel upset. My h2b is a policeman and I sometimes feel we are like ships that pass in the night due to his shift pattern. It's nothing compared to your situation, but that pain of not seeing each other and having to go things solo at lot (which happens every Christmas/Easter/parties etc) can be daunting and lonely.

    Keep your chin up and focus on when he gets back and the time you can spend together. I bet he is missing you just as much. I do hope it gets better for you xxxx
Sign In or Register to comment.