NWR: So many changes - feeling a bit lost

Hi everyone - before I start I just want to say that I know my problems aren't any where near as bad as some ladies on this forum and that I'm really very lucky, but I'm feeling so lost...

I married my darling husband in April this year - we'd lived in London for 5 years but planned to look for a house back in our home town soon after the wedding. We felt we'd had enough of London, and wanted to be back near our families (but still commuting to work in London). We found a house much sooner than we'd thought, and moved in at the beginning of September.

Since we moved back I've also started a new job - it's a great opportunity, but I've been there almost 3 months now and still don't feel settled - I don't do very well with things changing or being 'the new girl', and I think we've had so much change this year that I'm struggling to deal with it.

Although I love our life down here now, I'm struggling with the commute and am constantly exhausted, and miss our life in London - I really miss the people I used to work with too, and my old job - I think it's a rose-tinted glasses situation, though, as I was desperate to leave.

I feel like I'm starting to slip into a slightly depressive state - not ever wanting to do anything or get out of bed in the mornings. I know it's ridiculous as this was our long-term plan, but now it's all happened so quickly I'm really struggling to adjust.

My husband is lovely but doesn't understand as he's adapted really quickly, and doesn't mind the commute at all. I feel silly because this is what we both wanted, but I just feel so lost. I'm not really looking for sympathy but just needed to get it all out.

Thanks for reading image


  • Hi Regency Bride- nice to see you posting on here again but unfortunately not in the best of circumstances.

    I think adjusting to life post wedding can be quite hard- the whole wedding thing can take over your life a bit and it kind of feels weird afterwards. Throw in a big upheaval like you've had and it's easy to see why you might be out of sorts.

    I think the commute is probably not helping at all- commuting can be draining and you probably find you have too much 'thinking time' for all your doubts to whirl around and make you feel like things are out of control.

    Is there any chance of moving jobs to be closer to home? Or even of moving back nearer London? Does your hubby know how you feel and have you had the chance to talk things over? Are you beating yourself up feeling like a failure because things are expected to be 'perfect' and they aren't?

    Sorry for all the questions but maybe if you could talk things through with your husband he may be able to help find a solution. Alternatively have you any friends nearby to whom you could open up? I notice you said 'closer to home' so I assume you already have a bit of a support network where you live. Keep in touch- we'll help as far as we can xxxxx

  • Thank you so much for your lovely reply, Flossycat (you look stunning in your wedding report by the way congratulations!! You got married the day we moved house image )

    I think you're right, I'm beating myself up because we've got everything we wanted, and we thought it through very carefully before we moved (looking into how long the commute would take, how much it would cost, etc) but planning it and the reality are two very different things! I feel really ungrateful and like an awful person, complaining when there ar e so many people much worse off.

    I think the job move is the bigger thing to be honest. Although I loved the people i worked with, I knew i needed to move for my career. The place I'm at now is much bigger and I haven't clicked with my new boss very well - not helped by the fact that I can't really stay late to go for drinks or sociale very much as I'm always running to catch a train. The plan with this job was always to stay there a couple of years and then look for a job nearer to home, so i think i just have to grit my teeth and get on with it, and hope I'll feel better when I go back after christmas. I'm not very good at stating anything new - uni, new jobs etc have always been agonising experiences for me, and I get very nervy and lose my appetite.

    I'm very lucky as we've actually moved in down the road from my mum and sister, and all the rest of our families live nearby. The move was a trade-off for us between the convenience of living in central london and the better quality of life and affording a house back home. I've spoken to my mum and sister and they've been really supportive, but I kind of feel like I don't want to 'admit failure' as we went on and on about wanting to move back so much.

    Oh look, I've gone and written another bloody essay - sorry! image

    Thanks again for your kind words, flossy xx
  • No problem Reg. And thank you for your kind comments!

    Maybe you need to keep your head down in the job but make your next 'project' looking for that next career move closer to home, sooner than planned? I am in a similar position- I really should move on but I love my team so much that I can't get motivated to do anything about it, and yet I know I should. So for different reasons sometimes I feel washed out and demotivated, but I shouldn't complain because the job I have is decent enough and I'm lucky to be in work- so many people aren't, through no fault of their own.

    It's great that you have support close to home, though- maybe you should try opening up to a relative and explaining that you're just exhausted and the plan isn't quite working out as you had thought it would. They certainly won't see you as a failure- it sounds like you have a great relationship with them and they will be supportive.

    But I think ultimately you could start taking back control by updating that CV and looking forward to a time when the commute is no more and you can chill out a bit more in your new home.

    I think you have made all the right moves, just maybe all a bit close together and things will settle down, so long as you have a long term plan to stick to x

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