should cancel our wedding! really distressed B2B

im getting married on the 25th May this year and my mother father said as a wedding gift they would pay a certain amount of money towaards the wedding! i thought wow i cant accept that (as it was a large amount) but they insisted that im their only child and they wont pay for another wedding so we said ok! little did i no that because they are paying for the wedding my mum is now saying things like "dont be selfish im paying for the wedding" which is making my blood boil as we didnt ask them to pay. any way the deposite for the venue was apperently paid by my dad last month so to my surprise the venue rang and said we havnt yet recieved the deposite, so i spoke with my dad and he said oh no sorry i paid it YESTERDAY. so im having a complete break down! as i need my invites out in Jan but i cant becasue i need a meeting with the venue about my menue choices (CHOICES NEED TO BE SENT WITH INVITES) but i cant do that because deposite has not been paid.



Im really considering canceling it all and myself and H2B to fly off (with our own money) and wed abroad, i simply can not be deeling with being let down, and im constantly stressed and upset as i can not see the wedding happening if it continues like this!!!!!!!



help me please! i feel awful and really dont no what to do!

if i knew that by accepting the money from my parents would create this much stress and sadness then i would never have accepted, i would have happily paid for it myself (which was the plan in the first place)
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  • Ok, first thing first - breathe!!! Calm down a second!

    Can you explain to your parents what the implication of them playing the deposit late is? Obviously in a nice way, maybe ask them for their advice on menu choices+say something like "God, im so stressed, i wish i didnt have to rush this so much"...if they see you so stressed out, but not screaming+shouting at them in frustration (as much as you may want to), im sure they'l try to do better in the future! And as you say, they are being good enough to help you out financially! Just talk to them, they're your parents after all+will only want whats best for you image
  • Breathe.



    If the deposit was paid yesterday, check with the venue if you are all A OK.



    Don't be selfish, so as not to give any need for the phraseimage



    January is a whole month long. You have plenty of time to get the menu choices sorted and you can make/ get the invites made just leaving that bit till last. If you are doing it yourself, I would respectfully suggest you get someone to spell and grammar check them.



    These are pretty minor issues so a breakdown over them would be pretty silly, as would cancelling the wedding that you clearly want, or you wouldn't have accepted the money.



    Goodness knows what you would be like if you had any real problems.
  • Now that the deposit has been paid, can you not just contact the venue to make sure everything is ok, arrange the meeting for early Jan and send the invites out at the end of Jan. Do they need to go out at the end of Jan?



    I think maybe you just need to take some time out from 'Wedding Thinking' and relax for a while xx
  • LilleaukLilleauk Posts: 370
    I think you should use Christmas as a break from the wedding. You need to relax and put things into perspective.



    As you said, you're an only child and this is a huge event for your parents too. Choose your battles. Fight for the things you feel strongly about, but be willing to compromise on other things that perhaps aren't quite as important to you. If it gets to the point where relationships are starting to get strained, you will need to have an honest but sensitive discussion and come to some kind of outcome with your parents. I doubt it will come to that though.



    Don't worry about your invitations not going out in January, you have plenty of time with your wedding planned the end of May.



    Take a break, enjoy a wedding-free Christmas with your family, and start the new year with a more positive outlook.
  • And this is exactly why we paid for our own wedding.
  • Quoted:
    Breathe. If the deposit was paid yesterday, check with the venue if you are all A OK. Don't be selfish, so as not to give any need for the phrase January is a whole month long. You have plenty of time to get the menu choices sorted and you can make/ get the invites made just leaving that bit till last. If you are doing it yourself, I would respectfully suggest you get someone to spell and grammar check them. These are pretty minor issues so a breakdown over them would be pretty silly, as would cancelling the wedding that you clearly want, or you wouldn't have accepted the money. Goodness knows what you would be like if you had any real problems.


    Wow- you really are a cow! What a condescending reply.
  • image
  • Sorry, but I have to agree. Very condescending and there was no need for it x
  • Yes CBW as per usual very hardline - the OP has every right to express her anxiety.



    My advice would be its probably a case of crossed wires...just untangle them by talking it through with your parents. Brides do get more stressed than others...it goes with the job title! it will be OK...you have time and it will all work out in the end.
  • Blah, take my advice or don;t take it. What would you lot all do with your time if you didn't have posters like me to be offended by? image
  • imageimage things could be a lot worse......
  • I think you definately need some time out to put this in perspective, i have to be honest i had to re read your post as i thought i had missed something. I understand you being upset as its hard when you loose control especially over your wedding but to be completely honest if your going to get this upset over this issue your obviously highly stressed at the minute and need some down time.

    Maybe explain to your parents how you feel when you dont know whats going on they probably didnt realise it would upset you this much them sending it in late. Also you can still get your invites done and just add the menu choices prior to sending them. You have so much time. Also maybe your parents needed a little bit of time to get the money together to pay them and were too embarrassed to tell you and didnt think you would mind waiting a week or two.
  • nats2013nats2013 Posts: 6,253
    sit down and talk to them (after christmas the stressfulness is over), be open with them.

    it's one thing to want to contribute financially to the wedding but you need to decide if that means they have any further contribution and SAY in your wedding. ask them for the receipt so you know they have definitely paid, you will need it anyway so you're not asking for the world or completely checking up on them.

    enjoy christmas, plan your invites, there's 5 weeks til the end of january to get them out
  • mism1mism1 Posts: 307
    Hun pm me I have the same issues we can discuss it away from helpful comments from Cbw and Fsm as per usualx
  • Thanks bride2bmrst, my comment was helpful! She does need to put things into perspective! At least she's actually got parents to offer to pay for her wedding!!!
  • Quoted:
    Hun pm me I have the same issues we can discuss it away from helpful comments from Cbw and Fsm as per usualx


    ?



    I'd your name Cathy or Kathy, perchance? Just curious image
  • Quoted:
    Quoted:
    Hun pm me I have the same issues we can discuss it away from helpful comments from Cbw and Fsm as per usualx


    ?



    I'd your name Cathy or Kathy, perchance? Just curious


    Ooo why?! I'm curious now, who is Cathy/Kathy?image
  • mism1mism1 Posts: 307
    .
  • Yes, it's the same people who seem like to mock others which is why this website seems to have died a death. Fingers crossed that their 'Something Blue' website gains a little popularity so they can spout their superior drivel on there instead .... Oh wait there, then they'll have no one to pick on or at then, silly me image
  • Quoted:
    It's not great having Ur parents pay like me I have no choice as I don't have any money being a freelancer anyway I think people on here can be really hard on others my mums being a nightmare too its horrible and is putting a huge strain on our relationship yet u ppl are making out that its not a problem when it is


    Your mum's money, your mum's choice. If you can't afford to do it, then you shouldn't be doing it. You made that career choice, not my problem. It must be nice to have a mum and a dad to pay for your wedding...appreciate what you have got because not all of us were blessed with that. I wish I had a mum and a dad to be frustrated with, but I don't and I hate it when people don't realise how lucky and spoilt they are. Instead they bleat about how hard their life is.



    The OP needed some perspective, if she didn't want honest opinions, then she shouldn't have posted about it on a public internet forum. I'm sure there are people she knows in person that also feel the same way as me about her situation.
  • mism1mism1 Posts: 307
    Quoted:
    Quoted:
    It's not great having Ur parents pay like me I have no choice as I don't have any money being a freelancer anyway I think people on here can be really hard on others my mums being a nightmare too its horrible and is putting a huge strain on our relationship yet u ppl are making out that its not a problem when it is


    Your mum's money, your mum's choice. If you can't afford to do it, then you shouldn't be doing it. You made that career choice, not my problem. It must be nice to have a mum and a dad to pay for your wedding...appreciate what you have got because not all of us were blessed with that. I wish I had a mum and a dad to be frustrated with, but I don't and I hate it when people don't realise how lucky and spoilt they are. Instead they bleat about how hard their life is.



    The OP needed some perspective, if she didn't want honest opinions, then she shouldn't have posted about it on a public internet forum. I'm sure there are people she knows in person that also feel the same way as me about her situation.
    A public forum doesn't mean that you can be a b!Tch to everyone on it and I didn't make this career choice its what I do cos I can't do anything else due to dislexlc and struggle with numbers and having parent who love u enough to give u money doesn't make u spolit and it can put a strain on things but thanks again for being completely horrible to a stranger cheers dude merry Christmas
  • mism1mism1 Posts: 307
    And staying if u can't afford to do it u shouldn't it o stupid I want to have a baby and want to be married before I do I'm not having a big high flying wedding anyway
  • Off topic a bit, but what is it you freelance in? And why is it you can't do anything else due to being dyslexic? Is that what they told you in school? My sister has dyslexia (Earlham Syndrome), she's got a first class degree, a PGCE but now runs her own business which has won lots of awards. She's 24.

    Don't let your dyslexia hold you back or let people tell you you can't do stuff because of it. You can do anything with the right support.

    image
  • What a load of bull. There are people I teach doing Chemistry degrees that are dyslexic. Stop using your condition as an excuse, this is another thing that makes me angry. It shouldn't stop you from doing anything, it's your self pity that's doing that.
  • mism1mism1 Posts: 307
    Do u .
  • I think this thread is about the least Christmassy thing I have seen in the last few days.



    The OP got honest and useful advice from me. If she chooses to take it, good for her. If not she hardly needs all you numpties jumping and being bitches on her behalf.



    On the dyslexia; as a teacher I hate seeing kids with the attitude that they can't do something just because of it. I have worked with many and seen them achieve great things. I see your negativity has followed you into adulthood, and it makes me pity you. If you think you can't do something, well then, you can't. I imagine there is lots you can't do. It could also be this attitude that makes you see attack when there was only originally honesty and advice.
  • mism1mism1 Posts: 307
    .
  • It was the attitude you displayed on this thread and this place in general that made me pity you. One assumes things from what one reads from a person. I am glad you are happy. But you didn't sound it.
  • Please tell me what I said that was so nasty. I've re read all my comments on this thread and I think you actually might just be making this up. Do you just want me to lie and pretend the world is all fluffy and glittery? Would that make you happy?
  • EllieKate83EllieKate83 Posts: 1,431
    Back on topic (in case anyone's still interested) my parents paid for most of our wedding. They are quite traditional and that is what happened hen they got married. They also felt that their own wedding had been taken over entirely by my mum's mum (probably true!) so they had a right to at least have a say in mine.



    I'm posting to say that despite some teething problems (similar to OP as well as a lot of very strong, very different opinions on what makes a good reception venue) we had a brilliant wedding. I don't think my parents (my dad especially) would have enjoyed things so much if they hadn't been able to help plan. My MIL is totally skint but so it didn't become an issue (and feel like she was just a guest at my parents' party) I let her design and make the bouquets (I bought the flowers wholesale) and design and make us a suprise cake, which everyone loved!



    Weddings are about bringing families together. People do seem to enjoy your day more if they get to be a part of it. I totally understand your concerns but I think if you talk things through with your parents you'll find they're just a bit over excited.



    Oh and on a logistics note, I didn't send invites out until 3 months before our wedding. Anyone important knew the date by word of mouth anyway.



    Good luck xx
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