I hate my life....

I feel really down at the moment....for many reasons

My husband and I get on but at the moment it seems like we are just friends. We havent been intimate in months because Ive got so nervous about it and he doesnt like initiating it so it just doesnt happen...even though he reassures me he fancies me rotten. Hes an only child very introverted person who likes to do his own thing and when we are together he isnt affectionate....weve only been married just over a year. Its getting to point where Im constantly dreaming of someone else to whisk me off my feet.

My family is a little disjointed. My mum passed away 3 years ago and my Dad (Who I am very close to) has just started a relationship with a woman 5 hrs away. He went to hers for christmas and is moving in with her in April so I will hardly get to see him. Since he has been with her I seem to be less of a priority as well. My brother is a sweetheart but I only get to see him every 3 months. I am close to my auntie and uncle but they hardly ever call anymore. My hubby's family are very small and very quiet as he is their only child and he only has one cousin. Christmas was awful because no-one wanted to do fun stuff and I just get jealous of everyone have a fun action packed christmas with lots of people around them. The only cousin I am close to is possibly moving to the US to go to university in a year. This situation means I have nowhere to go should above marriage ever fail.

I have no job. I work as a supply teacher but work is thin on the ground and I have to stop it in february as i am an NQT and can only do so long before I complete my first induction year. I have applied for over 40 jobs and not had a single interview.

I have no friends close by. I moved to live with my husband so all my friends live far away. I get on with my hubby's friends but I would like my own friends to chill with and go out dancing with. Due to lack of job I haven't met anyone through work and have no money to go to a leisure club etc and meet people as you would normally do. My two friends that live in this city aren't particularly close especially as one just got herself a new fella and ignores everyone else and the other is always travelling at weekends.

I know those around me love me but none off them understand how depressed I am...


  • I don't have a lot of advise, but Im sending you hugs.

    Re: being intimate with your husband, why is it that you got nervous about it? it sounds as though there's more to it than your husband being reserved etc, I know this may not be what you want to hear, but I had an excellent experience with relate. They do all kinds of counselling, you don't have to go with your husband, or you can go together, or suggest he goes?

    You need to sit down with him and explain exactly how you're feeling as it sounds at the moment you're quite low, but he might not know? It's not healthy feeling like you want someone to whisk you off your feet...

    Re: friends, they will come, it's always hard to fit in a new place, I myself have moved around several times, changed city. country etc, and eventually it always works out. Perhaps join a gym on your free time, or find out about community activities near you? it doesn't have to be expensive but you always meet people. Not sure where you're based, but I know most cities, big towns have a meet up group, I met my bridesmaid in the one for Brighton and made some really good friends there, they organize outings, nights out, activities and small trips, and they were all nice people who weren't able to socialize normally because they had funny shifts, or had just arrived to town and knew nobody.

    I am sorry to read about your dad moving away, it's not nice, but then again it will get better. I have lived abroad for 5 years, and although I dont get to see my home friends and family as much as Id like to, it makes it even more special when I do as I cherish every second spent with them image

    Not much I can say about the job front, it is hard times for everyone, so don't lose faith and keep trying, something will come your way hun.

    Feel free to PM if you fancy a chat, xx
  • It sounds like you are depressed and in a rut but you needn't be and need to get yourself out of it. Everything seems worse when you are depressed. You say that your hubby does not initiate things or whisk you off your feet because you are nervous. You haven't said why you are so nervous but it sounds to me like you are the reason you're not intimate/close with your hubby.

    Take charge of your marriage and your life - YOU initiate sex, be romantic with your hubby and you start a discussion about your feelings. Chances are he will have things to get off his chest too so you can move forward and out of your rut together. Go for 'dates' together, rekindle your old romance. If you have no money for a meal/iceskating/cinema etc then just go for a nice walk together and share a bag of chips. I am sure that things like that (and especially when you get intimate again), you will feel closer again.

    With your dad, I'm sorry to hear that your mum passed away, but you do want your dad to be happy and move on with his life don't you? After all, you have by moving away and getting married.

    Friends would help and not all activities cost the earth to meet new people. You mentioned dancing, why not join a zumba class for a couple of pounds a week, then you can dance, have a laugh and make friends.

    Take control of your life and good luck! image
  • beesbees Posts: 835
    Not really any advice from me but didnt want to read and run.

    I'm a teacher and did supply for a year before beginning my job so I know how hard it can be living from day to day. It's so easy to feel down without some routine. Have you spoken to your agency and told them that you're coming to the end of the period that you are able to work without doing your NQT year. If not, I would speak to them and ask them to fnd you some long term supply for at least a term at a school that are able to help with your induction.

    The agency may not know your position as they have so many teachers on their books.

    Alternatively, have a look at TA positions for the time being.

    Really hope things start to feel better for you honey.
  • Thanks ladies for your advice...

    I Often talk to my hubby about the way im feeling and he gets upset about it and says he will try and be more affectionate but it never really seems to work. I initiate almost all he affection/ideas/serious conversations in our relatonship so feel fed up that I should have to initiate sex as well when I havent had any affection that day and i dont feel like it. I suppose nervous is an odd word to use but its been so long that sex hurts when we do do it.I was a virgin when we got married for various reasons but never had any problems with other things with my exes. Ive had a smear so nothing is wrong medically.

    I am already with an agency that really seem to like me and help me apply and apply on my behalf to many teaching positions. Just like my 40 other applications I have never had an interview and I work extra as an T. assistant for them if they are desperate.They know I am coming to the end of my supply limit and have put me forward for things at the end of last term.

    Im very interested if the relate counselling is free and Im from Coventry but didn't know cities etc had a meet up group etc. Thanks for he suggestion of Zumba but Its not really m sort of scene.... image
  • I work as Recruitment Executive for a supply agency and you can apply to Local Education Authorities in the areas you work in for an extension to your NQT year. Some may say no, but in my experience it's worth a try as usually they will extend it. It sounds like you are with a decent agency, so they may be able to give you more info. It may also be worth speaking to schools you regularly work in and mentioning you needs terms of continuous work to get your NQT year signed off and to bear you in mind for anything longer term (if you haven't already). Good luck.
  • Maybe go see your Dr and get some support, see if you are medically depressed or just in a rut? I would ask someone you trust, maybe the head of the school you went to, to look over your CV and see if there is a reason why you are not getting interviewed. Maybe you could volunteer at oxfam or something to help fill up your time, meet people, and most importantly build your confidence?

    I have moved across the country to be with my husband and it was incredibly stressful and lonely, but the only way to get out of a situation is to take control of it and make the changes you want xx
  • Some great advice. All I can offer on top is that if you PM me your cv and a sample letter of application I can look it over for you as I have seen a lot over the years as a fellow teacher. Good luck x
  • Thanks girls

    Feelin better today, Hubby and I had a talk about things and agreed the no job situation is probably the lead cause of things and my loneliness amplifies them/puts pressure on him. We had a lovely day today but wierdly he had a mild hypo ( hes diabetic) and I got so upset and the thought of him being ill/dying I realised all the things I do have including him (wierd how events go aint it?).

    Im gonna try out the city meet up thing and find a church near me as i did that a lot before.

    I guess I have to accept families are families and no-ones is perfect. Im just lucky they all love me an the distance is just a bug bear.

    The job thing will always be an issue until i get one, ill sort out my stuff and contact the people that offered to look over them for me.

    I also realised I am on that time of the month image
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