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How to tell my sister maybe she shouldn't be a bridesmaid!?

Some of you may have seen some of my other posts about my sister and an argument we had over my hen weekend. Well this argument is still going on and i don't really want her as a bridesmaid. Of course i still really want my sister at my wedding and in a couple of years i may regret not having her as a bridesmaid. The fact that she is not interested in anything to do with the wedding just doesnt help. I am sick of her making me out to be this bad guy to everyone just because i said it would have been nice if she had asked me if her friend could come to the hen weekend. She then blew up at me saying that she needs to make sure she has a good time and she probably wont with me and my friends and will get stuck with our mum. She thinks i am being selfish for pointing out to her that it is my hen weekend and cannot believe the fact that i am trying to make the weekend about me!? I thought that was the whole point in a hen weekend!?

So i need your help in how i can put together some nice words to basically say DONT BOTHER BEING A BRIDESMAID!!!! This is something i have thought long and hard about so is not a rash decision. I was thinking of saying something along the lines of of course i want you to be part of my wedding day but do you agreee that maybe not a good idea to be a bridesmaid?

I know i am taking a risk and she may even turn around an say that she will not come at all but her two little girls are my flower girls and i adore them more than anything and still want them to share my special day with me as my flower girls.

2 months 3 weeks to go and this is turning out to be a not so exciting time anymore, infact the day just fills me with dread! image


  • I think if it were me, given it is so close to the wedding and her children are the flower girls anyway I think it would be more hassle than it's worth asking her not to be a bridesmaid. It could cause massive issues with your family and do you really want the stress of that this close to the wedding?

    I think I would just leave it as it is and just not include her in anything else leading up to the big day

  • MrsP2B13MrsP2B13 Posts: 312
    Do u really want to take the risk of her pulling the plug on ur neices being flower girls ? If u dump her she myt refuse to go to the wedding and refuse to allow her children to be part of it image just have a good long think before jumping in and doing something that will backfire on you , good luck s x
  • heliganedenheliganeden Posts: 1,848

    I remember your thread about your hen party where she wanted to bring a friend. I don't see the problem tbh, I've been on hen parties before where people have brought a friend if they only know the bride because it can be a bit awkward if you don't know the whole group.

    I think you should let it drop, yes the hen party is your party, but surely you want everyone to have a nice time?

    I don't think you should sack her as bridesmaid - if you do, you risk permanently ruining your relationship with her, and it'll cause issues for the rest of your family who will inevitably get dragged into the aftermath

    I think it'll backfire on you big time and I imagine she would definitely pull her daughters out of being flower girls in the short term, and in the long term it could also damage your relationship with them too

    I think you should take a deep breath, think of the bigger picture and see that her bringing a friend on your hen do really isn't the worst thing in the world, don't make life harder for yourself than it needs to be


  • Tig123Tig123 Posts: 150

    I agree with the other ladies.

    How about just not involving her in any further decisions etc and just making it more, I need you to be here for this time, on this day to get your hair etc done and to be ready to get in the car to get to the wedding by X time.

    Re the hen do - it is all about you and make sure you let her know that!!!!



  • I honestly dont have an issue about her friend coming all i wanted is for my sister to have asked me and possibly would have been nice if she could of help arrange activities and games with me rather than trying to make sure has an amazing time rather than her own sister whos hen party it is anyway. I have tried to drop it with my sister but she thinks i am in the wrong for wanting my hen weekend to be about me. The hen weekend thing was the icing on the cake as she has been uniterested in the whole wedding anyway.

    I am really worried that she is going to try and make the wedding morning about her too! She kept saying things about the time we are getting married which is 12.30 and complaining that it would not leave much time for her to get ready she is going to be rushed!!!!

    H2B agrees that she def doesn't deserve the right to be a bridesmaid but is really difficult as it is a sister to just sack her off and the fact that everyone will be in the wedding gear apart from her.

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    The hen do is all about sending off the bride in good fashion! I don't think it's massively bad that she wants to bring her mate along but I agree she should have cleared this with you beforehand so she is being childish there.

    In respect of her not being bridesmaid, I think as the other ladies say, I think you risk this kicking off into further stress for all involved as if she is already sensitive about the hen do then being told she isn't a bridesmaid won't be great for family and future relations with her.

    As Tig123 said, I would no longer involve her with the wedding other than saying what she needs to do on the day as regards her duties, just be as matter of fact with her as you can be. xx

  • OMG I think our sisters came from the same pool! Im having major problems with my sister and I am considering the exact thing u are. I gave my sister the date for her bridesmaid dress fitting on the 1st November, the fitting is next weekend! She doesnt know if she can make it as she hasnt been able to find a babysitter! I am seriously considering telling her not to bother! I am also having issues with my dad but thats a whole other story but I am running the risk of having very few family there. Iv been told to follow my heart and do what I want to. Like you I have my neice and nephew as flower girl and page boy. I adore them children like they are my own but im not letting my sister rule this wedding and if it means they arent there then so be it! The day is about you and your future husband and if your sister doesnt respect that then she doesnt deserve to be there! or at least thats how im currently feeling!

  • I wish i could give some advice but i really dont know what would help. If you really feel she is going to cause a fuss on the morning of the wedding is it possible you could maybe get ready seperately from her, even if its in different rooms of the house and say you just need some space to reflect while you have your make up done etc? I know its not idel but i agree with the other girls that there is the potential that she will refuse to let her girls take part in the day. 

    Other alternative is just to tell her to suck it up, its your day and you wont have her ruining it? 

  • Lol, sounds like our sister and dad are from the same pool!

    Is your sister older or younger than you! I wouldn't dream of doing this to mg sister if it was her wedding day! I would be so happy for her and excited..... I really don't get it. Have you spoken to other family members friends about it?

    My mum agrees with me but is too scared to ever tell my sister the truth.
  • She's 2 years younger yep most of the family agree she is being a brat but she's learnt that her kids get her exactly what she wants and uses them a bargaining tools. so in turn my family won't say anything as next thing we will know no1 will be allowed to see the children!!!
  • Omg! They really have come from the same pool! My sister is 5 years older than me so would have thought she would know better!

    I think part of me wants to be the one to stand up to her for a change whilst everyone else Pussy foots around her. She goes into everything with a negative mind set and just sets herself up to have a bad time or not enjoy things. I don't want to look back at my wedding photos and think god my sister looks miserable or look back at the video of her walking down aisle looking like she has better things to be getting in with!
  • MrsSabsMrsSabs Posts: 560

    I think my sister is like this too...I have told her she is not a bridesmaid.  I think if I had asked her to be I wouldn't be able to change my mind without serious repercussions.  She's 8 years older than me but you would think it was be the other way around! (atitude and behaviour wise not looks I must add image)  My mum doesn't like it that we are not that close anymore but my sisters actions in the past have caused that and now whenever I see her she just winds me up!  Once a month is enough for me and I dread it every time.

    So it was the right decision not to have her as a bridesmaid.  I've got 2 who I know will both be (and are being) hugely supportive and helpful before and during the wedding.  People should be chosen based on their commitment to your friendship not just because they are related to's not a divine right!

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