Bridesmaid Issues

Hello Ladies, i am  after some advise on how to tackle this..

On organising my Hen Party i contacted all the ladies including this bridesmaid to see who was comnig etc etc as the overall cost was going to be £120.00 in total, now not all my bridesmaids could afford to come and were very honest with me, which is fine but this one maid said she couldnt wait but didnt have the deposit money, so i offered to pay the deposit for her until she was next paid - not a problem, so i thought!

Over the months i was collecting installments for the hen party from everyone but this maid kept saying she couldnt afford it that month but would pay me next time she was paid, it came to crunch time mid january as i had to pay Butlins and the bus company as we are going in three weeks, again the maid said she couldnt afford it becuase xmas had wiped her out so yet again i offered to pay hers in full £120.00 but i would need the money back at the end of january as this would be some of my spending money, again  nothing has been forthcoming, i have mentioned it a couple of times and all i get is she is skint.

Now i am skint, im paying for a wedding but i budget my money to ensure that i pay people i owe, im really upset with her i cant possibly see how she can afford to pay me 120.00 and also her spending money for the weekend away in the begin of March, she only has 1 more pay day.

Im not sure now to tackle her again about it, when she got married two years ago aboard we shelled out a lot of money in not only attending, but i paid for my own dress, hair etc paid for loads of extras on her hen party (limo transfer), i just feel that after everything i did for her she would have at least paid me back.  I have a feeling that she will turn around and say well she wont come now as she cant afford it, which leaves me £120.00 down.

Thanks ladies


  • I sometimes think bridesmaids think they are there to challenge us rather than support us! Im having major problems with mine! Is there anyone else that might want to come?
  • I have a friend that does this a lot. It's almost like she's afraid to say no because she doesn't want to miss out on anything. Do you think she's really taking the piss or do you think she actually can't afford it?

    I think you need to sit down with her and explain what you've just explined to us. You're being very rational and have helped her out which is very good of you. If she's a true friend she should understand and cough up the cash ASAP.

    Be honest...she's gone through it before. Maybe she just doesn't realise what she's doing.
  • MrsMnowMrsMnow Posts: 463

    I dont think so, but i will certainly be trying to find someone if she says she wont come.  its  a nightmare i thought the planning process was going a bit to smooth x

  • MrsMnowMrsMnow Posts: 463

    i think she is actually taking the piss, she had been out every weekend since xmas for one thing and another, also received a cheqe for 200 from a ppi claim and goes to bingo every week.  i have explained all this to her about two weeks ago but she gets very defensive with me and i end up changing the subject.

    She said last week, oh well you have a good job you can afford it!  er i cant there is alway to much month left at the end of money!

  • Unfortunately hun I had the same problem as you with one of my hens

    I checked and double checked with everyone before I booked the hotel room and she insisted it was fine so I paid out ??50 for her as she said she would have to pay me the day after as she didn't get paid til then

    I booked it all and then she told me she wasn't coming

    I told her, had to be a bit forceful, that as she let me book it and pay out the money that she owed me the ??50 etc

    She said she couldn't afford it so I was insistent and we worked out that she would pay me ??10 a week and I was on at her every week til it got paid back

    Unfortunately with this woman you will have to be quite hard with her and tell her that she owes you that money and its your spending money and however she wants to give it you back she HAS to give it you back as she told you to go ahead and book it so she can't back out now as you can't get the money back

    Admittedly I'm still ??50 on the hotels as I had to book 3 rooms and now there's only 4 people instead of 5 in 3 rooms but I just figure ill just have a room to myself
  • MrsMnowMrsMnow Posts: 463

    I think your right, i just hate asking for money and feel like i have to have an awarkard conversation yet again with her.

    Yeh defo have a room to yourself, when is your hen partyx

  • It's June hun

    You have to talk to her and tell her that with everything else your paying out you can't afford to ??120 down so even if its just ??20 a month then you need it back as the venue has insisted that they can't refund you

    Remind her that you were very involved with her wedding and while you would like her involvement you understand if she can't come but that doesn't mean that she can't pay you back as she should've spoken up and not let you go ahead and book her place
  • MrsMnowMrsMnow Posts: 463

    I will have to speak with her tonight, just annoyed that it has come to this, will keep you posted and let you know how i get on.

  • Why did book an expensive hen do which some of your bridesmaids couldn't afford, if you don't mind me asking?

    My own personal opinion is that I would have wanted them all to be there and would have been happy to compromise for something cheaper, to allow this to happen.

  • My bridesmaids are of all different ages and different situations - but they all expect me to pay for everything. I asked my sisters ( 2 of my bridesmaids) that I couldnt afford to pay for the makeup on the day and they looked at me as dirt and huffed about doing there own.

    Oh and to top it off - one of them cant go to my hen cos its too expensive  and moaned about it - which I understand but then she doesnt realise that im spending a hell of alot money on her to be a part of our wedding x

  • MrsMnowMrsMnow Posts: 463

    flossycat100 - we are going away for 4 days and before anything was booked everyone agreed that this price was ok, including this bridesmaid, its not a case of i booked it and then told them, everyone was invited and those who couldnt afford agreed to pay the inital depsoit and since then paid in monthly installments (i did this to spread the cost for everyone £20.00 a month), we booked the hen party 8 months ago, she has never once said she couldnt afford it, some of my other bridesmaids (sisters) arent coming as they couldnt afford it so having a hen do part 2 for those that couldnt come away.  When it was her hen do, i actually paid for her to go as i understood she was paying alot for her wedding, even though i paid for all my bridesmaid items.  This is the only thing i have expected her to pay herself towards my wedding.

    lola - I thought being a bridesmaid was an honor not a chore! managing peoples expectations is really hard.

  • I was made to have my sisters as my bridesmaids - so they according to my parents would be involved.

  • lola - I'd be tempted to book a student make up artist for your sisters - will be cheaper and if they look a mess you can just shrug and say, 'oh sorry maybe you should've done your own after all...' image

    My bridesmaid has been great. Neither of us is loaded but we both want to be fair. I bought her dress, she bought her shoes. I'm paying for her hair on the day - she is paying for the optional hair trial (which I've arranged for the afternoon before the hen night so we will both look fab!)

    I'm also paying for her make up for the day which is only costing me a little more. I've done this as a suprise as she was going to do her own and I thought this was a little thank you as she has been my emotional rock for the last few months!!

  • MrsMnowMrsMnow Posts: 463

    UPDATE -

    Last night i spoke with the the said bridesmaid, she understood everything and maganed to sort it, she is paying me back in full tomorrow when her husband gets paid - phew

    So glad i spoke with her, but more pleased that she is still coming to the hen party

    one happy bride to be!image

  • Fantastic news hun
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