Flower girls

So just had the awful conversation with my mum about my choice of bridesmaids. H2B and I decided we weren't going to have any flower girls/page boys in our bridal party. But my Mum really wants my brothers step daughter. Just told her now that I didn't want her and now I've upset my mum about the decision!!! Which in turn has upset me but truth is I don't want her as a flower girl but do I keep my mum happy by saying she can be?? image


  • Your mum will get over it so don't cave.  Your mum may be upset now but I am sure she will come round.  Let the dust settle and then out the reason why she is really upset. Maybe she feels she is not being involved enough or she feels that you are not including your brother much in the day.

  • I know how you feel MrsG. My Mum wanted my 11 year old cousin to be a bridesmaid at our wedding in August. The poor kid has been pushed piller to post since she was small as her parents had her when they were very young and therefore Mum wanted something nice for her to look forward to and tbh I thought it would be nice too... except it's an extra bridesmaid to pay out for. I of course said it was OK, and do not regret it but I've got to pay for her dress, flowers etc somehow. Thinking of asking Mum for some help as it was her idea!

    I think if you are in a position to do so, and you don't really mind then it's not a big deal. But if there is a specific reason why not or you can't afford it then don't. Or you could just think, stuff it, it's your wedding and just do what you want! image

  • Sawcy_89Sawcy_89 Posts: 105

    I felt so guilty about upsetting people and so I caved to all the family demands for bridesmaids/flower girls, I didn't want any and now I have 6!!!!! I wish I'd stood my ground as I really regret it now...
    My advice would be to wait as long as you possibly can before picking the bridal party, dont make any rash decisions early on when its crazy and exciting- if youre like me you will probably regret it in the long run! image

  • PoppinsPoppins Posts: 3,146
    Thanks ladies! I think the reason for not wanting her as a flower girl is simply because I don't really see the child that much. I don't live near my family anymore, my mum sees her as a granddaughter but I don't see her as a niece and another concern would be, if my brother and his girlfriend were to split up I'd have her on my wedding photos etc! Not sure if I'm being nasty or not by thinking this! Xx
  • mandy503mandy503 Posts: 2,066
    Your not being nasty feeling that way about photos, hubbys parents have split and are now both with new partners, and his bro/BM has an on/off relationship, and we love all the partners so they were invited to our very small wedding, and we have photos of them as couples, but none of these have made our photo book cut, we were the same as you, worried if they split, so don't worry about that aspect.

    But I would stick to your guns and say no to being a flower girl, but how about giving her another 'important' job like handing out the confetti as the guests leave the church, or ensuring everyone has OoS's.

    You could also maybe make sure your tog gets a lovely picture of the two of you, and maybe your bro too so your mum and he has a lovely keepsake, without you feeling under pressure to have her in your album as shes a flower girl.

    Good luck with your decision.
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