I think I may end up murdering my bridesmaid

So I hate to say this whole wedding things is getting to me but gerally think I'm gonna lose it  as some of you might know from my previous posts I'm not very weddingy minded and have had few issues with bridesmaids but I have had enough with one and I neetwosome opinions if I'm overreacting and just stressed out or if I really am justified in wanting to blundon my bridesmaid to death.

i have been having various commenta from my bridesmaid ranging from I don't really like weddings they are all the same everyone has a country manor (guess where my wedding is ? Country manor) to If I don't like the bridesmaids dress I'm not wearing it, when I said I was getting my bridesmaids dresses online she went I can't see why just go to a bridal shop and get them there for £40 (is she insane) I said I had done research on our local area and in bridal shops its more like 130pounds ...she was like oh you clearly haven't looked, I said I was having my hair down she said I wouldn't be a real bride if I didn't have it up, then she said I have found the dress I'm wearing to the evening part as she didn't want to be wearing the bridesmaids dress all day ..... Oh and she didn't want her hair up like all the other girls she wants it down. Told me I could tag along on put mutual friends holiday and call it my hen do (but I wouldn't want to invite to many people as people will say they will come then won't) - I had already arrange to go on holiday to bendrom for he hen do but now I'm tagging along on theiHolliday :/ ? Oh wait for it now shes saying she's going abroad with too of our mutual friends for the spring Sumer 2014 and my weddings in June 2014 but not to worry she will fly back the day before ....... Now she's asking if these two friends are on the day guest list and how much it is per person as I have always said I would be annoyed if people didn't show because of how much it was per head and that's caused the guest list to be v restrictive ......

she has made it clear that she thinks I'm to young to be getting married and I'm 24 ...can't help but think if she had a bf she would be so much nicer about things 

I feel like she's trying to downplay my day literally my taking her and two of my mates out of the country ....(I spoke to one and she said bridesmaid X said I wasn't worried if people came or not and that I was just lookig for a reason to party!!

im gettig married not having a party its kinda a big deal

 

am I overreacting ? I feel like I'm going mad xx what should I do or say this bridesmaid thinks she's maid of honnor 

Posts

  • MrsVJB2BMrsVJB2B Posts: 372

    You're not overreacting. Sack her. If she's being this difficult early on imagine what she's gonna be nearer the time!

    (sorry, I've had a glass of vino so don't mean to sound harsh. Hic)

  • MrsBeau2BMrsBeau2B Posts: 1,513

    She sounds very immature and only thinking of herself - i would explain to her that you want her to be a part of your day, but it will mean she will need to wear the dress/ have her hair done a certain way.. and if she cant manage that, then she is welcome as a guest.

    As for the hen do, i would arrange one where you want it and when, and just invite her along. If she cant go then its her loss!

  • si87si87 Posts: 70

    I am sorry to say it, but I think jelously is rearing its ugly head here. She is acting like she is doing you a favour being your bridesmaid. You should explain that its your day and you are happy.. she should be happy for you. Explain you don't appreciate the bitchy comments, and do you want to be my bridesmaid or not? If she kicks off you are better off without someone sabotaging your wedding. Please dont kill her haha. Hope you get it sorted out. image

  • Speccy4eyesSpeccy4eyes Posts: 2,050

    she doesnt sound like a supporting bridesmaid so whats the point in having her around if she doesnt enrich your experience?

  • She does sound like a bit of a nightmare and if she is your friend then she shouldn't want to be upsetting you. I think I'm going to have to suggest the old chestnut of having a good chat with her and tell her how she is making you feel. Make clear to her the reasons you are getting married.

    You can't stop her going on holiday but you can tell her that you don't want her to be bridesmaid if she isn't sure she will be back. If she thinks she know where to get bridesmaid dresses, call her bluff and ask for her input.

    Is it more important that all your bridesmaids where their hair up or that you have her as a bridesmaid. You cannot force her to do or wear anything but you can tell her thshe this is what you want and you understand if she would undated if she would rather not be a bridesmaid.

    If she doesn't want to plan your hen do, plan your own - or ask one of the others to do it. I would stop talking about the money side though. I've said things like "I'd be really disappointed if they just don't turn up, because there are evening guests who we would upgrade if there is space".

    Hope you get it sorted

  • I wouldn't give her the time of the day! It may be a bit harsh, but I really just wouldn't bother with her. She's making your day much more work than it needs to be, and making it all about her!! Gah! Makes me angry just reading about it!!

  • futuremissthingy : funny you said that its extactly what my mum said 

    mrsbeaut and speccy : im glad you guys said this .... have felt maybe i was losing mind !!

    mrs v2b: haha no i like straight taking, you reminded me need a glass of vinto myself

     

    how do i deal with the whole her going away fot the summer ? how do i handle this.

    shes my best friend but extermly possive but has always been there for me ands i feel like if i sack her i will lose her as a friend and bar this wedding and my birthdays shes pretty amazing friend wise. lots of friends in common and shes a family friend so my family would get involded if i dont handle it right . all these comments are said so quickly in convo its very hard to catch it without sounding like im being bridezella or overemotional

    i have asked her for her measuements so i can look at ordering dresses and have i had anything back other than she doesnt know her measurements ... surely finding a tape measure isnt that hard ? 

    sorry to rant and rave 

     

     

  • mrshandsomebear and lisa !! missed your comments sorry my interent is a pain. lisa u made me smile and mrsbear u speak sense she keeps asking about money its driving me mad 

    Tried talking to her and all she sais is shes very happy for me but marriage isnt for her and its just a piece of paper to her and then she goes on how shes going to a very unsual wedding and how different its gonna be 

     

    xx

  • PurdyPurdy Posts: 181

    She does sound like a nightmare to manage - i'd be no good at sacking anybody but i agree with other's comments that she really doesn't get it, she thinks she knows it all.... and it sounds like she's only going to get worse as your big day gets closer.  image  You can either have a proper talk with her - and explain how she is making you feel and hope she understands and makes a change.... or ..... plan B ... image

  • plan B means pushing her in the lake at my venue ;] its been considered !! thankyou for all the comments i think im being a bit of a wuss arent i !!xx

  • mandy503mandy503 Posts: 2,066

    Perhaps sit her down and explain that these flippant comments are starting to hurt. That you don't wanna come across as 'bridezilla' but she needs to realise that as a bridesmaid her job is to support you even if she doesn't like the ideas, not cut you down with comments against all the ideas you love. 

    When it comes to dresses - I feel your pain, mine was a gigantic pain in the butt about it, but afterwards I found out her reasons and understood. Maybe see if she has a specific reason for not being forthcoming with her numbers! And if she hasn't got a good reason - make sure to take your take measure with you and get what you need!

    With her being away for that summer - how much use would she really be if she was home anyway? I know its not ideal, but honestly, if your organised and have others around who are able to help without being a pain about it then I'd leave her too it - just tell her exactly what you expect from her, ie, I need you at my house/the venue by 'set time' on this 'set date' and be ready to do *insert list of jobs* 

    Good luck, bridesmaids are sometimes more trouble than they're worth! 

  • Well she s would be leaving April staying out till September .i think it's because she doesn't want me to order dresses without her approval 

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    It sounds like she is worried your relationship might change? Have you had a 'girlie day' together recently? You could plan a day where the two of you look a bridesmaid dresses so she realises that they are £140+ in bridal stores.

    In regards to hair, you could get each bridesmaid to choose their own hairstyle? But if you want them all in the same outfit then she needs to realise that it needs to cater for everyone not just her. How many are you having?

    She is being really cheeky about going on holiday and encouraging others to go with her. But I get the impression that she is jealous, but it might be that she just needs a bit of time with you. Then you might have the opportunity to discuss how she is making you feel.

    I don't think it is worth just saying "That's it", if she is a real friend she is worth more. Yes she is not making it easy. In regards to comments about your decisions, just pretend you have not decided yet, then she cannot make comments.

  • If you do murder her then I'd suggest you do it outside, the blood can make an awful mess on your carpets.

  • Siri can usually give you some good advice on where to dump a body! 

  • I don't mean to sound abrupt but sack her, sack her, sack her!

    One of my bridesmaids has been like this all the way through and now it's nearing the wedding she is getting worse. Her behaviour has ruined a lot of things that it shouldn't of because I just don't have the energy to fight her as well as arrange one of the biggest days of my life. I'm 22 years old and marrying before her when she has been with her partner for 8 years.

    It is 100% jealousy. You are young and have succeeded in something she clearly hasn't.

    Sack her before she ruins anything else. There is no reasoning with these people. She is a class A bridesmaidzilla. Get rid! Save yourself!

    xx

     

  • RemovedRemoved Posts: 72

    I think you've really got to sit her down - weddings can be stressful enough without your bridesmaids causing more problems. I'd try to calmly go through all the things she has/is doing that have wound you up and you can only hope that she'll understand.

    I asked my two closest friends to be bridesmaids & sit on the top table, H2B is having 2 best men. One of my bridesmaids turned round a week later to say she'd rather sit with her boyfriend than be on the top table. No thought about the fact my table won't be identical (I'm funny like that) or the fact by having that empty seat our reception would have to go from 100 people to 99. It does amaze me how people make their wedding day about them - best of luck x

  • RemovedRemoved Posts: 72

    rubyring13 - I completely get your point of view and I know that she's asked to not be on the top table so that she can have more fun with her boyfriend. She would have been sat next to our other friend with just my parents inbetween us who she's known for 14years.

    In many ways it's a blessing in disguise, I've untraditionally asked one of my other closest friends to join us on the top table & she's absolutely delighted. Being the only single girl in our group of friends it means she won't have to deal with a table full of couples and I get to include her more in the day image

  • I'm going a bit off topic but I'd be more than happy for my bridesmaid to say she wanted to sit with her husband and daughter. In fact, I wanted to give her the option and it's my other half who has put his foot down and said she has to sit there (she is his sister), but I've spoken to her husband about who in the family he would prefer to sit with.

    I'm sorry, but I don't really get the whole thing about keeping numbers even, etc. Surely the majority of people invited to a wedding are people you care about (not many people can get away with not having a couple of people you have to invite for political reasons) and we would want them to enjoy the day. No one is ever going to say in years to come "oh, they had such a lovely wedding. Did you know they had exactly the same number of people at every table", but people will remember how much they enjoyed it and the atmosphere. I'm not up for pandering to everyone (I don't really care if some people aren't keen on smoked salmon, for example) but I would rather they had a good day, especially if it doesn't really effect my enjoyment of the day.

    In fairness though, I think we all have different things that bother us. I must admit, I'm not very sympathetic that my Aunt and her husband want to sit with her adult daughter and her husband!

  • RemovedRemoved Posts: 72

    Our venue can only seat 100 people across 10 tables of 10, so if we have 9 people on the top table that's only 99 people we can invite. With 110 currently on the guest list we really can't afford to do that.

    I totallyagree that you want everyone to enjoy their day. My sisters that are bridesmaids won't be on the top table as one has 2 little children and the others will be amongst cousins. However, I think it's an honour to be asked to sit on a top table especially when you are sitting with another best friend.

  • No way! Do some people really give two hoots about their bridemaid's make-up? Surely that's got to be what they're happy with.

    I too changed my colour scheme from dark green to chocolate brown because my bridesmaid really didn't like green (she didn't kick up a fuss, but she did say she was worried it would look 'tent' green). I'd been considering brown anyway and she was really pleased with the change. 

    I'd hate to be a bridesmaid where someone else decided what make-up I'd wear...

  • JJ2013JJ2013 Posts: 628

    Rubyring- I went on a hen do once where the bride told the BMs what colour nail varnish she should wear on her toes, as she knew they were wearing CLOSED TOE shoes but 'just in case' yheir shoes came off at any point she didn't want to have the wrong colour on! My friend fell off her chair in hysterics when she heard this!

    It's tricky as these are your friends/family who you hopefully care about and don't want to ruin a friendship with. There's a huge difference between rudeness and a lack of wedding interest though. A couple of my BM have never been that into weddings or crafts so why would they start now? I've heard of some unkind jealous comments though which definitely need to be addressed. x

  • RemovedRemoved Posts: 72

    Completely agree on the make-up and hair, it's so important your bridesmaids feel good about themselves as after all they will be photographer/videoed throughout the day. My younger sister will never let anyone do her make-up so we agreed there's no point me paying for a make-up artist to do her make-up for her to then remove it 2 minutes later. x

  • blushing & panicking bride to be

    Well i can see why ur so angry i feel very much the same about one of mine! I think you just learn who ur friends are in times like this. One of mine has no intrest in my wedding what so eva! Like could not care less, Im aving to ask every day nearly for money for the hen do! Which to be fair is shocking! I talk about my wedding and she changes subject to her affair with her husbands best mate! 

    I have no advice as i cant say out i've no balls to pull her and tell her how upset shes making me, all i keep thinking is after the wedding we'll possibly never talk to eachother again. Actually i could only wish she is fecking off away and misses the flight day b4 it would be a blessing! 

    At end of the day i've done what u av, i've ordered the whole outfit without any of them having a choice! They all look stunning and love there dresses well apart from the one im also talking about. But u know what chick, its ur day screw her if she is so bothered she dont need b a maid thats what i say! U do what u want, 24 is a nice age get married im 29 I wish id of been 24!

    Be strong and honestly i feel ur pain! If u come up with any ideas on how to tackle the evil bmaids let me know x x

  • She's not your friend!!

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