Disagreement between h2b and mob

I have a bit of a predicament!  Getting married in 4 weeks image but we have a problem with the way the tables are going to be laid out for our wedding breakfast.  My H2B wants them one way and my mum wants them another. I'm not fussed as long as everyone has something to eat and drink!!  My H2B has said he's not changing his mind as to which room layout he wants and my mum has said the same!  

I've tried explaining to my mum why he wants the room the way he does to which she replies he's just doing it to be awkward and get one over on me and it'll ruin the day because it doesn't look right.  No I feel awful thinking that the day is going to be ruined for my mum but I know my H2B would feel the same if we changed it to how my mum wants it.

I'm getting more and more stressed as its the only thing that we seem to think about and argue about when there's lots of other little things that need to be done which aren't getting done. It's caused huge arguments with her to the point where she's said she's not sitting at our top table and she might not come at all. 

Has anyone else had this problem or similar?

Posts

  • Mrs M xMrs M x Posts: 259

    Hi Hayley,

    It may sound a bit harsh but who cares if the day is ruined for your mum, surely it should be about what you and h2b want. It's your wedding, not hers.

    Sorry if thats a bit short x

  • FranitaFranita Posts: 487

    I agree. You should be glad your hubbie wants a say in something and let him have it how he wants it if you don't mind either way. It's not your Mum's wedding!

  • Mrs ShepMrs Shep Posts: 229

    I agree with PrincessUmpalumpa.

    It is not your Mum's Day....it's yours and h2b Wedding Day. 

    I actually was shocked that she said she wouldn't sit at the table or not come at all over it. That is really petty.

    Sorry to be blunt and probably not overly helpful but with only 2 weeks to go I am in Bridezilla mode completely. Xx

  • JodielouJodielou Posts: 4,058

    I do think your Mum is being very melodramatic- the success of the entire wedding hardly depends on the table layout! I really don't think it's your Mum's place or role to be involved in this aspect of your big day- yes, you may want her advice on which family/ friends of hers should be sat next to which- but that's about it!  Has she paid for the reception by any chance?  Is that why she thinks it's her decision?  You haven't said what YOU think.  Do you agree with your h2b?  Is he digging his heels in because he thinks your Mum has been more involved with the decision-making than him?

  • shortbreadshortbread Posts: 255

    Could you give them an ultimatum of your own? sit them in a room and give them 2 hours to come up with a solution or you will do it yourself and they will both have to like it or lump it. x

  • Thank you ladies.  I've tried explaining (in a diplomatic way!) that its our wedding and our day but this hasn't made any difference. We're at a complete stalemate!  its stressing me out completely! Grrrrrr! xx

  • My parents have contributed but not paid for the whole thing as me and my h2b have also tried to pay for what we can. H2b is v stubborn and has said that he feels he hasn't had a say in much. 

    I'm not really that fussed about where the tables are as long as people are eating and drinking and enjoying themselves!  

    Shortbread- if I put them both in a room they may not come out alive! Lol! 

    I've asked for my mums help and opinion over most aspects of the day but this seems to have caused a massive issue. xx

  • MrsJ BMrsJ B Posts: 65

    Wow, she must feel strongly if she would miss her daughter's wedding? What are the two lay outs? 

  • shortbreadshortbread Posts: 255

    survival of the fittest and all that!! hehe image

    I hope you get it sorted as soon poss for your sanity x

  • MrsNoelMrsNoel Posts: 486

    Then she really does have no leg to stand on. Your wedding, your way. Especially if he is feeling a bit left out - there aren't many things that are of interest to Grooms (flowers, cakes, Mr N didn't even know what favours were). 

  • Weddin crazyWeddin crazy Posts: 1,743

    It's a very hard situation, I'd be so happy my h2b cared about something wedding related but I wouldn't want to upset my mam. Unfortunately one is going to be disappointed tho and its v unfair it's you stuck in middle. Is there no compromise,are their choices very different? 

  • It is yours and your husbands wedding not your mums, and if you aren't bothered how the tables are, but your h2b is then he should get it how he wants it, it is his wedding, I bet your mum would go mad if his mum said she didn't want you to have something a certain way, and say it is your wedding and you have it how you want it, and it is exactly the same for your h2b, you need to stand up for your man and tell your mum straight, sorry if that might sound harsh but why should he compromise on his day. 

  • allison 2allison 2 Posts: 150

    It sounds strange but is there another factor as how she wants the tables apart from how they will look is it that she doesnt want certain people sitting in certain places if its a case of how things look and nothing else then i think you need to stand by your man .

  • MrsNoelMrsNoel Posts: 486

    Im with Vicky. Marriage is about becoming a family unit together. Making joint decisions and standing together against the world. It's also about taking each other's views into account so I still say go with your fiance's view. 

  • At the end of the day you may need to point out to her that if she refuses to come, you can still get married. If he refuses to come - not so much!

    Why does it matter so much to her? Is he trying to get all the other tables only half filled so that no guests have their back to the top table (cabaret style)? If so, that would be a bit odd and I can see that she might feel uncomfortable with an entire room watching the top table eat! Otherwise, I can't possible understand what difference it makes and how it could ruin the day.

    They won't actually kill each other so tell your mom that you are leaving it up to him and she is welcome to discuss it with him. 

  • hi,

    as the other ladies have said this is yours and H2b's big day so need both need to be 100% happy with your decisions!

    could you ask your Dad to help reason with your mom, perhaps if he could talk to her she may see sense! I think if you sided with her I would be worried that H2b would think that this will happen through out your marriage xxx

  • I think your mum is being slightly ridiculous and making a mountain out of a molehill. It's a table!!! It's also your day, not hers. Go with your fiance's choice and say no more. If she has the gall to kick off about it in public on the day rather than enjoy the happy occasion then she'll look a right fool.

  • MrsL1978MrsL1978 Posts: 94

    Parents!!!

    is there not a compromise?

    You say you aren't bothered as long as everyone has something to eat but which plan makes more sense?

    if your h2b feels strongly then I think it's this idea you should go with. Your mum will get over it and will attend the wedding, call her bluff. 

     

  • I would say to go with your fiance. Its your job to back each other up from now on, your partner becomes your ''new'' family and as such they should be the priority. Thats just my opinion. If his mum was acting like this about a decision you had made, im sure your h2b would tell her to back off, so this is no different.

  • MrsMJr2014MrsMJr2014 Posts: 229

    Really, unless your H2B is putting forward a totally ridiculous idea, then your mum is acting a bit spoiled and she's guilt tripping you into going her way.  I agree with MrsL1978 that you should call her bluff.  If she truly feels that strongly over it, then she may not go, but she will be the one losing out.  Hopefully she will realise this and come to her senses.

    What's your dad's opinion on the situation?

    Hope it gets resolved x

  • the problem is that the room is more of a rectangle shape. It has floor to ceiling windows all the way down one of the long walls. The veiw out of the window isn't all that great. There some bushes and a car park!! My mum wants the top table in front of this window. My h2b wants the top table in front of one of the shorter brick walls. Mums argument is then the room looks like a "school dinner hall" and ppl at "the back" won't feel part of the wedding reception!! 

    My dad is pretty easy going and feels the same as me so neither of us are all that bothered what tables go where!!

    thank you for all your advice I'm trying to stick up 4 my h2b!! 

  • MrsL1978MrsL1978 Posts: 94

    I would refuse to talk anymore about it with her. She is being very controlling. She obviously has nothing else to worry about, sorry! Hope she gets over it and doesn't try and control any other of your decisions!

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    I completely agree with everyone on here, it is you and your OH's wedding, you two make the decisions.

    You might also want to think about the photographs, I think a brick wall would look much nicer than a car parkin the background. A friend of mine had a fire exit behind her and it did not look v attractive in the photographs of the speeches.

  • MrsMc9814MrsMc9814 Posts: 422

    Hiya, I don't really have anything else to add that these ladies haven't said before, It's your wedding so have it your way - and I do think the wall is a better option - if people want to want to take photos of you at the top table and you're in front of a window they'll have glare coming into the camera and won't be able to see you all in the picture!! 

  • Mrs M xMrs M x Posts: 259

    I would also point out from a photographic point of view pictures never turn out great with the light behind you, so another reason for going with your h2b's suggestion of having the top table against the wall rather than the window image

  • You need to stand up to your mum, it's not her wedding it's your h2b's. She sounds very self-absorbed and entitled, you don't need to explain anythign to her-just you and h2b speak to venue and get it setup the way he wants.

     

    If she asks you just stop her and say 'it is not your wedding, it is our wedding.While we really want you there, we don't want you there is your just going to act like it's your day, your way.

     

    In other words, tell her to job on for trying to blackmail and guilt you. She sounds like a Guestzilla!

  • When you have said both layouts, then defo the wall is the way to go.   We have a *small* window behind where we will be sitting, but if it was any larger the sunshine would blind people, and that is only layout for the room. 

    If the sun does come in (yes, I know, we are in Britain) then no-one will be able to see the top table properly or take photos of you. I am truly stunned that she would not come because of a table layout, and she is the one who is going to look very, very daft in all of this.....  

    Stand with your H2B on this.  Also, if you do back down  - going forward your Mum will have a "it's me or him" stick to clout you with on any areas of disagreement.     Good luck!

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