Am I being too sensitive?!

So I was talking to H2B about our wedding savings which are going well, we are keeping to our budget and saving appropriately and mentioned that I was looking forward to getting my earrings, necklace and bracelet to wear on our wedding day. He was shocked that I had to get new ones. Please let me just put something straight, I don't own any expensive show jewellery or anything that would be considered "bridal". I wear just small diamante studs from debenhams day to day, I have a beautiful links of london bracelet from him for Christmas last year and my engagement ring. I just wanted to go and treat myself to a new set spending no more than £150 and that's including my side tiara. He said I was adding things on unessesserily so I piped up that actually it is a little tradition for him to buy me a beautiful piece of jewellery from himself for me to wear on the wedding day to which he replied that I was demanding and that's ridiculous that we have to buy eachother something. Again, he knows I'm not an "expensive" person, I am not materialistic but I thought it would be lovely to receive something beautiful and special from him, my dream would be so receive something heart felt like a letter. I have started to put together a few ideas for a gift box for him, I recently booked a boudoir shoot which is costing me over £300, I was going to fill in one of those Groom Journals, get him a pair of groom socks and all the cheesy stuff but now I feel like a bit of a fool for sitting here working out what from my wages I can put into a secret savings account to pay off the total for the photoshoot etc. I wouldn't mind but we both work, everything in the relationship is 50/50 and we split everything although I am very lucky in the sense that he will treat me to the odd meal etc and I do the same for him every so often (not so much since saving for this wedding!). I was hurt that he called me demanding and I burst into tears, emotions are running high I lost my Grandad who was like a Dad to me last Monday and I thought to myself that my Gramps was the kind of man that WOULD of bought me somethign special for my wedding day from himself and my Nan to me and now I won't be getting anything, we went to bed without speaking last night and I just hate the silent treatment. 

Posts

  • MrsC14MrsC14 Posts: 385

    He's just so caring and sensitive normally I don't know what's gotten into him. It wasn't the fact he doesn't agree with buying eachother presents it was the fact he called me demanding which I find quite spiteful. I had a difficult childhood at first until my lovely Grandparents took over and bought me up and I've never been a demanding/spoilt/nasty/materialistic person. I do realise how stupid I sound I just needed to vent, why are us girls so sensitive and why don't men just realise?!

  • FranitaFranita Posts: 487

    I thineh been it comes to weddings it can often come as quite a shock when you tot up how much it costs, which is probably what he was feeling. My OH and I aren't buying each other anything for the day as we are already spending so much- I'll be buying everything for my own outfit, including jewellery if I was buying any, and vice versa. But that's just us and everyone is different!

    sorry you lost your grandfather and that will surely make things much more emotional at the moment but just try and focus on the fact that you are marrying a man you love and that it's the marriage that's most important, not the wedding day! You don't sound stupid at all, men do say stupid things without thinking sometimes but they really don't often see things like this as important (and sometimes- rarely of course- they may have a point!) x

  • MrsC14MrsC14 Posts: 385

    Thanks Franita, I am so happy and excited to be marrying him but I hate how us girls have to hint to get the romantic things we want ha ha! I would be happy with just a letter or a bunch of flowers and I hear and coo over all the little romantic things brides say they have received that I want my own teary moment on the morning of I guess. I only bought up him buying me jewellery as he had pressed on a nerve asking why I should have a new set for the wedding. Think we are just as bad as eachother sometimes but I really do hate when we bicker as it's very rare that we do image I really wanted to take some of my Grandfather's ashes and have it made into a swarovski crystal charm bracelet which is £120 to wear on the day but I dare say anything at the minute, think I'd get my head bitten off and a daily allowance of spending like a child on holiday ha ha! Thank you xx

  • Hi,

    I agree with what Franita has said. 

    Maybe he doesn't realise how important this is to you.  Sometimes people can get into a bit of a panic about money.  This is something that you need to sit down with him about, and tell him it's important to you, and that you had planned to get him a gift.  Also tell him that you don't want to argue, but let him tell you his side aswell.

    Be prepared that this is something that he may not want to budge on, but it means you can go and buy yourself something perfect.

    As Franita says, it's the marriage that is the most important, not the wedding day.  Don't let this get you upset/put a downer on your big day.

    xxx

  • I'm so sorry that you are grieving at the moment, I missed your post the other day as I haven't been on so much this last week. I'm really glad you were able to say what you wanted to say to him and I hope you can take comfort in the way he went. Thinking of you and sending enormous hugs. xxx

    I think if a man doesn't understand bridal jewellery, it can seem like a waste of money. I think calling you demanding is unfair (but from what you've said in previous posts about you living with your grandparents together it sounds like he was close to your grandfather (clearly not as close as you) and he will be grieving too and trying his best to support you so his emotions will be running high as well, so try to talk to him and explain where you were coming from.

    I don't think you should be cross with him for thinking that getting each other gifts is an unnecessary expense. Plenty of people make that agreement, but it sounds like you've both assumed you either will or won't without discussing it. It can be really easy when we are close to someone to assume you are on the same page. Maybe you should tell him that you're planning a couple of small gifts just to show him you love him and because you want to make him smile on the morning of the wedding when you won't be with him. Some men don't know all the traditions that go along with weddings and traditions vary dependant on who you ask, so don't be cross with him for not knowing. Talk to him and agree what you want to do, that doesn't mean you can't make sure there are a couple of surprises in the day if you want to.

  • You know what honey buy exactly what wedding jewellery you want and don't feel guilty at all about it.

    I've got my H2B a present but I'm really not expecting too much back, he's not a presents person(Likes to spend on doing things not posessions).I buy all the Christmas and birthday presents for his family and before we were together he either didn't buy them anything or they got it a few days late. I've tried to change this over the years without sucess( once got me an epilator with bikini attachment for my birthday).

    Perhaps your H2B feels that he'd rather spend on the day or on the honeymoon that way your making memories.

    I do think there's an element of insensitivity though especially given your current situation, but I'm sure it isn't intentional.

    Now go make friends with him. X

  • MrsBeau2BMrsBeau2B Posts: 1,513

    I think sometimes blokes are just a bit oblivious and most need a gentle hint or two! Some are more romantically minded than others, but thats just normal. He probably had his back up as he wasnt happy with the cost of the things you want, and his reaction was linked to that. The other ladies have given good advice, you do need to talk to him about it in a calm way and just explain how you feel.

    Ref the jewelry, if you are both putting in 50/50 and you can afford it along with all the other day to day bills, then buy whayever you want to feel special on the day, i dont really see how he can have a problem with it if it is your money.

  • MrsC14MrsC14 Posts: 385

    All of you girls make so much sense. You are all right, emotions are escalated because of what's happening at the moment and sometimes it does take a toll on your relationship when you go through grieving for a loved one. The thing is, whenever I hint to him about something I like whether it's for christmas, birthday etc he tells me to stop hinting! Can't win, men who'd have them?! Thanks girls, you have al made me feel alot better xx

  • RinaGeeRinaGee Posts: 751

    I agree with Giddy, buy yourself whatever you want!

    I've bought all my wedding jewellery (including my own wedding ring) and I just explained, as I was going along, what it all was and why it was so important. I'm not someone who thinks you should buy something expensive JUST because it's your wedding, but at the same time, you definitely shouldn't feel like you can't treat yourself, especially as you're going 50/50 on everything.

    I got Gee the traditional things to open (new boxers, groom socks, a bracelet etc....) and I hoped he'd buy me a bracelet too as I'd been hinting that I didn't know whether to get one or not. In the end, he bought me a kindle. Not AS romantic but he knows I read a lot and it would come in handy for holidays.

    With weddings, there seems to be so many new traditions popping up that I don't think men can keep up. Just explain (when the dust settles) how important it is for you to have these new pieces then go buy them whether he agrees or not!

  • MrsC14MrsC14 Posts: 385

    Thanks girls. We had a chat and we both apologised for being snappy under current circumstances. We even popped into town yesterday and I found accidently a beautiful crystal bangle in Debenhams and bought it as my bracelet for the day image He even commented on it and said it was pretty! Maybe I've made a breakthrough ha ha xx

  • MrsC14MrsC14 Posts: 385

    Thankyou MrsLOTPM. I agree I think the cost of weddings does make everybody have a bit of a panic now and again. We have been very good, I own no credit cards at all. He has one which he uses for work petrol which he then claims back in wages, so never alot of money put on it and he's very good with money and it's always under control. We don't have any loans or such, the only contract I have is with my mobile which goes out by direct debit every month on pay day so we are extremely good with our money and I am proud that we are in no debt. We are saving well so that's why I was a bit taken aback by his attitude towards me however I now see where he's coming from that if we all did every tradition to do with a wedding we'd end up spending millions, where does it end? He has said he did plan on getting me a little something but he told me I need to "shut up about it otherwise I'll ruin the surprise" lol - I always have a habit of finding out my birthday/christmas presents by accident and it's a running joke he can never surprise me xx

  • Sorry to hear about your grandad, emotions are bound to be running a bit high right now for you both, and discussing wedding budgets can easily be quite stressful at the best of times.

    To put another spin on the whole wedding presents thing, we agreed not to buy each other anything as a wedding gift so I didn't get him a thing,not a sausage.... on our wedding day he sent our flower girl in, with a box of JIMMY CHOOS!!!! So, erm maybe it's not always the blokes who get it wrong when it comes to being unromantic image

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