Family troubles

Hi guys, 

I'm fairly new to the forum and the wedding planning. My H2B and I got engaged in July and are planning a winter wedding. we are so so excited about the idea of organising our dream wedding day together and so far have booked our venue but that's about it.

Now we are frantically saving so we can have the wedding we want and my parents have very kindly given us a fairly large contribution towards the wedding. The problem is, although we are over the moon for them to be helping is out, they seem to think they can have a say in everything we want to do for the big day. I've already agreed to them inviting 10 guests that I wouldn't normally have invited, and they are trying to tell me who I should have staying in the rooms of the country house we are getting married in. I understand that they would like to be involved but I hate being dictated too and I feel as if I am stuck between a rock and a hard place as they are helping out financially, but I know if I tell them that we want to do our own planning and if that means returning the money then that will no doubt cause horrible family arguments that I really can't deal with.

any advice would be most gratefully received 

thanks in advance ladies image

 

Posts

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    Congratulations image Mine and my OH parents have given us money towards our day, as they did for our sibblings. My future parents in law had quite a lot of input to my OHs brothers wedding, which made us nervous. But I have given my future MIL a 'project' and asked his Dad to make a couple of things. They have actually been v different towards us, saying its up to us what we do with the money!

    The best line I have used is "We have not decided yet". I listen to others opinions, but try not to talk about what we are planning. Too many people, too many opinions. image

    Could you get them involved with parts of the wedding? Letting them invite 10 people is v generous, but fair play if they are helping out. I would list what the two of you really want and stick to those points. If there is anything they can do, or you are not so concerned about you could try to get them involved. At the end of the day it is your wedding and they will respect that.

  • JCL1JCL1 Posts: 129

    Perhaps you could allocate the money on particular things for the wedding, such as your dress or the flowers? That way it would be clear what their contribution is being spent on and might limit their input? x

  • Thanks guys, they all sound like good ideas, I think favours would be a good one to hand over, maybe flowers! Everything has calmed down for the moment but no doubt it will start again as soon as we start booking more things image 

  • Parents do that regardless of whether they contribute. My OHs mother (the MIL) hasn't contributed a lot ( she bought the cake) but still comments on everything and wants to know everything. I agree with the " we are thinking about x but haven't decided yet" or " we haven't decided yet". Goes down a charm. Oh and try and leave discussions about rooms until much later, unless they want their 10 people to stay in the rooms and there is therefore no other space! Helps to have your own list written down to combat this. Theres only 8 rooms at our venue and my OHs family were going to take 5 of them (and we obv have one). This would have meant only 2 for my family and thus my uncle (mum's only family member attending) would have not been able to stay. To make matter's worse the MIL didn't know if she even wanted to stay there (and still hasn't decided). In the end we agreed that the OHs step sister and her boyfriend could stay at another hotel across the road but we didn't book it. My uncle is now actually not staying because one of my mums cousins is flying over from the Caymans and staying at his house. So actually everything worked out fine but the point of the story is always have rationale behind your decisions and then they can't challenge you.

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