real trouble with own mum

ok this one starts a bit confusing. i am marrying my wonderful fiance, who happens to be the son of my mums husband... icky yet? she left my step dad of 18 years when i was 22, i met her boyfriends son a few months later (i lived 200 mies away and didn't really know her bf) we fell in love, meanwhile my mum and his dad got married and had a beautfiul little boy.

my step dad, future father in law, is well off, and is generous to a fault! he has offered, and been quite adamant, he pays for our dream location for our wedding, which also includes decor and food. we got an offer that included location and food for 50, we offered to pay for the guests over 50, as we have a large family, we are looking at food for 80. this was refused, he absolutely wanted to pay for the venue and everything that came with it. wow. what a man! we gratefuly agreed, and mymum told me she would like to pay for my dress, and bridesmaids. count our lucky stars!!

however... my mum and i had a huge fight today on the way for me to try on a dress, well 3, in 2 different locations. it wasn't a big thing, i think i just disagreed with her over too many dresses, or possibly i liked a dress i wasn't going to try on, and agreed not to as she said it was too many. she called me ungrateful, selfish, said i jumped down her throat every time we spoke about wedding. i very much disagree, but she was so venemous, maybe i am???? i never asked her to buy my dress, asked her opinion on everything, and took it (this then turned into 'well if i decide everything i should just leave you to it!') i have said thank you every single time she tells me she has done something regarding wedding, never turned my nose up at what she preposed, and never expected her to buy veil/tiara/expensive dress. i don't know what i could have done. i pleaded with her to come with me to try on the dresses but she refused, and i had to try them on all by myself. it was horrible and i cried all the way through. i will never have the moment of ooohs and aaahs when i come out in 'the' dress. i cancelled the 2nd venue, and to be honest,  i don't even want to think about dresses.

the thing that gets me is, and i never said it to her, she brought up everything in the car on the way there, inc my groom, that we are getting a free ride as we live in a house my fiances dad has bought but doesn't live in (he bought a big house when he married mum) we haven't started paying rent, as we were going to buy the house but due to no credit record we can't for 6 months, and he said we don't have to til sep, although we have always been willing to... she even brought up child care, she looks after my baby as her husband bought her a horse last year, but, she didn't want one on her own, so i got one. dream come true but she can't ride hers so i am responsible for riding and caring for both (she didn't speak to me for 2 weeks because i didn't start looking after the horses again when my baby was 10 days old!) she had a boob job which means she can't care for horses, so i have to with a newborn, every day, and make sure i ride both, so hers is ready for her. she also offered to look after her when i went back to wok, so i'm scared she is going to refuse that. she doesn't work, has 3 holidays a year, has money thrown at her my her husband, gets everything (ie.. a horse, boob job) and is even saying about how she wants a mercedes. i'm confused as to how my fiance and i are getting an easy ride, when he works ridiculous hours, i work part time atm, and i am the one looking after her horse. plus, again please not, we did not demand, ask for or expect anything!

. from the outset, dream wedding, cheap house, a bloody horse!!!! it seems like i am the most spoit girl in the world. but i didn't ask for the horse,  my fiances dad agrees he doesn't expect rent for a month yet, and we nev

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  • wow you are one bloody lucky girly!!!!!! Ive always wanted a horse, but, you also sound like a nice, hardworking lady who is very grateful, so  I wonder why your mum feels the way she does. Maybe you could arrange to both sit down and have a calm discussion about what the underlying issue is, with someone else there to mediate. hopefully that will get things out in the open and you can move past it.x

  • I am! And a definantly realise that, I really try hard to pull my own weight, babysit their little baby whenever, housesit and take care of their 4 dogs, organised her hen do... i feel like because mum fell into a relationship  with such a generous man, and i have most definantly benefited, i should be forever grovelling o her. she always treated me differently, but not badly, compared to my other younger brother... he lives with them, didn' have a job til recently, smokes weed everyday... when he was younger he was never touched but i was punched in the stomach when i was around 14 the following morning after me and my friend were talking in bed at a sleepover

    talking will do no good, she just shouts. i never asked for this, i am gratful and very lucky, but i don't want any of it when it comes with such abuse and resentment image

     

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