Do brides still return to their parent's home to marry?

Hey ladies

My folks are putting pressure on me to get married at their home as 'this is the traditional thing to do', and I was wondering how normal it is to get married at a the girl's parents these days?

In the spirit of having a rant: basically, I left home at 18 and have lived independently two hours away from them for the last 14 years, finally moving in with my h2b a year ago. Since getting engaged my parents have ignored every wedding conversation I've had with other people, my Farther physically turning his back or leaving the room on more than one occasion. The only conversation we had started and ended with 'if I do the traditional thing and get married at home, they'll do the traditional thing and pay for it.' To me this translates to 'have the wedding we want and we'll pay for it, have the wedding you want and we won't even mention it.'

They know we want to get married where we live; it's our home, we're central to all families/guests and can invite local friends to the evening do to reduce day numbers (and expense). My parents live 1.5 hours away from the next nearest guest and my future in laws would have to travel 4.5 hours to get to my parents, including my h2bs parents with ill health and his over 80s grandparents. Am I being unreasonable saying that a venue where I grew up means less to me than picking a venue where I'm actually close by to organise things? I'd never ruled out getting married near them until they started dictating their terms of support.

Posts

  • VictoriaoVictoriao Posts: 1,536

    I am getting ready at a hotel and h2b and his family are having "our" house. But we live 120 miles away from parents home. Had we headed back closer to parents home I could see me going back to their house for the free accomodation!

    However I'm not spending the night before my wedding at parents house.

  • Im not goetting married at home x My parents wanted me to have a registra office wedding and the reception in their back garden.

    I simply said no thank you, I only plan on getting married once and it will be what I want  even if it takes me years to save for it.

    They were fine when I said that x

    My parents are traditional people and are paying for my wedding - But they gave me a budget x which Im under and will keep under due to them doing so much for me over the years.

     

  • No, because we got married abroad! But even if we hadn't done, I moved our like you did at 18 and haven't lived in my home town since, so had we got married in the UK, it would've been where we now live, not where I grew up image

    I'd say to them thank you but you'll have your wedding, and you'll pay for it, don't be blackmailed into getting married somewhere you don't want to. Most people pay for their weddings themselves now anyway, pay you own way, have your own day!

  • mrsmacmrsmac Posts: 322

    I don't think it's very common any more to be honest.  I know a few people who are going back to where they grew up to have their wedding (although most have moved away now), but that's partly because it's still somewhere that means something to them, and also because they have family and friends there so they wouldn't be asking everyone to travel.  But I've been to about 20 weddings in the last 5 years or so and the vast majority have been near where the couple live, not where they grew up as kids.

    I haven't heard of anyone actually having it at their parent's house.

    as others have suggested, I think you're fine saying we want to have the wedding we want where we want it, just be prepared that your parents won't pay/contribute.  It sounds a bit like theyre holding the money over your head, and if you give on on this then they'll probaby have more demands about what you should traditionally have and use 'we're paying' as a way of getting their own way.

  • We are getting married near H2b's parents so very anti traditional. This is mainly because most people we are inviting live near there and it is something he really wanted. My parents are fine with it because they are still getting little things they want (my sister as bridesmaid and fruit cake for after!) plus as we are footing the bill we picked. If they were paying for the entire thing I think I would probably be more inclined to at least hear them out but they have given us some pennies towards the day but mostly we are paying it. 

  • y5c6y5c6 Posts: 467

    It sounds to me like your parents are still trying to control aspects of your life by trying to influence your decisions by, basically, using blackmail!  Your parents should be ashamed of themselves!  I know what it is like to have a parent who likes to voice their opinions and pretty much try to push you into their way of thinking, my mum has always been this way and I am finally starting to feel brave enough to tell her exactly what I want and for her to butt out (you'd never guess I'm nearly 34!!).

    You only get one wedding day.... save up the money, pay for it yourselves, and have the day that you want.  Don't even tell your parents what you are planning because that just invites more interference, just keep everything between the two of you and send them an invite at the same time as everyone else.  We had our wedding 4 hours away from where we live, nowhere near anyone that was invited and had the best day of our lives.  If your parents truly have your happiness in mind they will support you in your decision and they will respect that decision.  If they turn out to be non-supportive, argumentative and opinionated, then maybe it is time for them to accept that their little girl has grown up and can stand on her own two feet.  It might sound harsh, but sometimes harsh lessons need to be learned by some parents in order for them to realise that their children don't need looking after any more.

    I wish you nothing but the best, but really stick to your guns on this one... remember it isn't just your wedding, but that of your fiances as well.  As him for his opinion and plan it together.

  • Thanks ladies. It seems that getting married at childhood homes is not so common these days.

    Y5C6, I think you've hit the nail on the head! I'd love to exclude them, but actually I really want to involve them. All it's leaving me with is a world of procrastination while I hope they come round. Apparently they understand my point of view, but it's the sentiment that means i should get married at theirs. Now, they're not even talking to me at the moment and haven't mentioned the wedding to anyone else lately either. I'm over 30 but I think my parents are under 12... image

  • Sarah 6Sarah 6 Posts: 139

    I'd have loved to but venues not great and same situ with most guests and h2b granny too old for 3 hours drive so marrying local to where we now live 

  • It's not as common these days to get married in the bride's town... I'm going completely the opposite way and we're getting married in h2b's family church! As has been said above, it sounds like your parents are dangling the money thing like a carrot and that's not fair! I was engaged previously, and my parents paid for that wedding, and you know what? I couldn't tell you a THING about it! I think you lose control when you allow someone else to pay. This time around we've paid for everything and it's EXACTLY how we want it.

  • I am going back to my parents but not because its the "traditional thing to do". The church back there is nicer, it is also called st patricks. Patrick will be my new surname. Also I am of Irish descent and therefore being at that church gives me some link with heritage. However, given the details you have given, at 32 you should be allowed to make your own decisions and it doesn't sound convienient in your case to go "back home". Would you consider paying for your own wedding? I've paid for most of mine.

     

    Or have you explained your concerns about the elderly people and other family members? Or do they just feel left out and you can give them something else they want or involve them in picking a good venue but in your chosen geographical location?

     

    Weddings are a minefield!

     

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