Need to vent somewhere

I've been really excited about my wedding in July 2014 and have constantly been on this forum and looking at wedding stuff but I've had a really bad couple of weeks. My cat, who I love more than anyone or anything in the whole world has been ill with cystitis and it's been quite serious as if his urinary tract gets blocked up suddenly it could be fatal. I've now got a huge vets bill on it's way to me which I can't afford and it's caused a couple of arguments with me and my OH, also because the cat's been weeing around the flat. My OH isn't a cat lover and has been going on about the money and how naughty he is for weeing on the bed etc. and I've just been worried sick and not even thinking of stuff like that. It turned into a big argument last week and my OH stormed out and shouted at me when I was crying. Now he's being lovely and helpful with the cat and helping me with his medication and he's paying half of the vets bill but I got so upset about the way he dealt with it and some of the things he said that I can't seem to get over it.

I've spent the past couple of weeks constantly worried and stressed and I still am. The cat has to get another urine test tomorrow to check on his progress but I've got a feeling he's going to need further treatment, which will cost more money.

I haven't been looking at this forum, or anything wedding related and when my OH suggests doing some planning, I'm just not interested. I feel on the verge of tears most of the time. We even ordered my wedding ring last week and I'm not excited about it arriving anymore.

I've also been angry at some of my friends and bridesmaids who just haven't been communicating with me at all, about anything wedding related, or to see how the cat is, or how I am. I feel like I don't want some of these people involved in the wedding if they don't even bother. I've tried to arrange meet-ups but they never end up happening.

I just feel really depressed at the moment and want to stay in all of the time and be alone. I suffer from mild S.A.D as well so it might be partly down to the change of season that's making things a bit more difficult than usual to cope with. I must be awful company at the moment, but my OH has been stressed about work and he hasn't been much better. We've started bickering every day lately and barely have been affectionate to eachother lately. This was supposed to be fun and I don't feel like I'm part of a happy, newly engaged couple at the moment.

Has anyone else had a bad patch like this?



  • kitten2kitten2 Posts: 2,240

    Oh pickle. Big hugs. I suffer from SAD too so I am trying to be positive and keep myself busy and occupy myself but it isn't always easy. You have plenty of time to do wedding stuff and although lots of people on this forum are beavering away even if you didn't do anything for the next few months, you would still have loads of time come the new year.

    Don't worry about the wedding. Concentrate on maybe having a nice meal with your other half. You might not feel like being out of the way nice to him, considering how you are feeling, but if he's happier than he might take some time to make you feel better as well. Take each day as it comes.

    With regards to other people, they are rubbish. I expected everyone to be so excited about my wedding especially since people always nagged me to get married but no-one ever asks me. As long as you and OH are excited then don't worry about everyone else. Nearer the time they will be falling over their feet to help out and them asking about it will drive you mad.

    When you're depressed, everything seems like a struggle like you saying you can't get over your OH and the cat thing. Once you feel happier you will forget, depression makes you hold on to those things and makes you feel worse.

    PM me if you want to talk more. Big hugs to you and your kitty xxx

  • ZoeBZoeB Posts: 149

    Oh bless you I can totally relate to this im getting married in a few weeks and a few months ago we came home to find my cat with a broken leg, cut a long story short and 5.5k later!!!! He is doing ok luckily I had insurance but only covered £4000 so we have had to pay the rest and with a wedding has been terrible timing but he is my baby so is worth it. We have also had some family issues and ive been very down all I wanted to do was cry and sleep so i really do know how depressed it all can make you feel as if its one thing after another.

    Some people are not animal lovers so probably dont ask beacuse to them they forget etc but my cats are my family so I totally understand! Please keep you chin up ive had a few bad patches along the way but it will be worth it and you will get your lovely cat sorted and better! I would also think about getting some pet insurance too its only about £10 a month and so worth it x

  • So sorry to hear about your cat. I hope he feels better soon. I wouldn't take how your OH reacted too much to heart he obviously regrets it and is making up for it now. Last year my OH was away with work and I was REALLY ill as in hospitalised ill. When he found out the first thing he said was "You haven't finished tiling the bathroom though and if we have to get someone in it will cost loads" I was heartbroken but it turns out that is just how mens brains work (as in most of the time they don't) 

    Take some time out of planning, have a date night and remind yourselves why you are getting married without all the stress of planning and politics image 

  • Thanks everyone, we are going to a friends wedding next weekend and staying in a hotel for two nights so maybe that will do us good, and get me in the wedding planning mood again! I'm sure once my cat's better that will make a huge difference!

    ZoeB - 5.5k??! Does it really cost that much if they have a broken leg?? This is my first cat and first experience of vets bills but I thought that the £250 I've spent was bad enough! I was silly and he wasn't insured, but I'm definitely geting him insured after this! I do treat my cat like a son, and would do anything for him. I think my fiance think's it's a bit weird.

    Hopefully this time in two weeks everything will be good again. I guess everyone goes through bad times xxx

  • Angie jAngie j Posts: 448

     image Just typed out a great long post then lost it!!!  In a nut shell, Dollydaydream try not to worry too much about your little fur baby. He is being cared for now & your vet will help you to prevent this happening again with advice about his diet etc. I can understand you being so upset I have 3 cats I adore too. They are a constant worry (like kids, got one of them too!) 

    Get him insured for any other possible conditions in the future (they wont cover now for Cystitus though) I use animalfriends (online) very reasonable prices & profits go to animal charities. I only pay £8 each a month for mine & they are middle aged & pedigree. so it is worth it. Make sure you pick cover though that covers each cond for his whole lifetime. Also if vet suggests special food or meds always check online (will be cheaper) I regularly use petmeds & Zooplus. For food, wormers,flea stuff etc. 

    You have a lot to look forward to & plenty of time to sort it all. I suspect your H2b is worried about money, I know mine is worried about all the money the wedding is costing. I dont think men generally understand all the extra bits & pieces we want for our special day. I just dont tell mine anymore lol.

    Hope things improve for you hun. Chin up xx

  • I can't even imagine what I would be like if I had a child! I'm bad enough with my cat! We've already changed his diet. NO more dry food! He seems to be adjusting well. I just hope that we don't need to pay much more to the vet! I use Zooplus as well. I'm planning on getting him a water fountain from there to try and get him to drink more, when I can afford it in a month or so!


    Thanks for the advice, I didn't realise that he won't be covered for cystitis anymore. My OH works in insurance so he can get it half price for us image x

  • Just to say as well as what these ladies have said, a couple months ago myself and MrB had the mother of all arguments (in hushed tones through gritted teeth as his son sleeps in next room!) and I ended up yelling (quietly through teeth) that the last thing I would be wanting to do was marry such a selfish inconsiderate arse. I clearly did not mean this deep down but at the time I was really wondering! Take a step back, a deep breath, and just have a couple of weeks without wedding stuff - go see friends, do non wedding things together and remember you both have stressy stuff just now so don't take his reaction personally. You love each other enough to be engaged - arguments are just part of being together forever. It'll be ok.

    Oh and as for the cat, my cat wees everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE and doesn't have the excuse of a medical problem. I swear he winks at poor OCD MrB while he does it. He'd happily murder the animal! So just remind him at least there is an end point, I've been armed with a spray bottle of disinfectant for the past three years haha xx
  • Sorry to hear about your cat.  I lost one of my cats to a urinary tract infection last year, so know what you are going through.  Because of his age we decided to let him go rather than put him through lots of treatment.  Hopefully with everything the vet suggests you can get him better again.  One thing to try to get him to drink more is to add a small amount of water to his food.  We have to do this with our other cat.  He developed mega colon last year (it wasnt a good year), and part of the reason for him developing this was because he doesnt drink enough.  He has to have special granules as well to keep everything soft (sorry TMI).  But it is a great way of getting liquid into them.  Use a small amount of hot water froma kettle, just enough to cover the bottom. It takes 20-30 seconds to cool. We do this with his wet food and he has never refused it. 

    Have you tried speaking to your vet to see if you can spread the cost of the bills.  Also definately recomend getting insurance for the future, but as Angie says make sure it is life cover,aswe found out to our cost.  Animeds is also very good for meds and cheap as well.

    I am also a July 2014 bride and my planning has stopped.  i think becuase I am so exhausted from work I just dont have the energy to do anything. Hopefully going bridesmaid shopping and trying on my dress in a couple of weeks will kick start me into doing something! xx

  • To prevent another cystitis outbreak, buy some cystease tablets online. They're about £50 for 300 and I keep my cat on one a day since he had cystitis for the second time last year.

    Touch wood he's fine and has been since I've put him on them. It is caused by stress, so try plugging in a Feliway diffuser as well. But the tablets are a godsend and a small price to pay compared to vet bills!

  • I just wanted to add as well, my cats have an unlimited supply of dry food down all day (burgess supacat which is supposed to help with UTI's but not shockingly expensive), and half a pouch of wet food a day.

  • Angie jAngie j Posts: 448

    Well Dollydaydream you have had some great advice on here now. Sending healing vibes to the little baby. PS  If you are getting a water fountain we use to find the filters were cheaper on ebay (I like a bargain lol) 

  • ZoeBZoeB Posts: 149

    Yes unfortuanely was a very bad break and he had a 4 hour operation to put an x fit cage in his leg and 12 weeks cage rest as he had 2 fractures. We unfortunately found out yesterday after an x ray that the bottom fracture hasnt healed so we need to decide to insert a plate only 60% chance of this working and another 2k at least we will have to pay ourselves or amputate, I have to think what is better for him and its so hard he is my baby! Plus he loves going out but we have an evil cat next doors who hates other cats and is a bully so makes me worry even more! All this 2 weeks before my wedding is stressing me out as im really upset any advice?! x

  • Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that Zoe xx I would go for the plate if it was me, but that's easy to say as I have no idea where I would find that kind of money! Vet charges are so expensive. This is my first cat, and the first time he's been ill since I got him a year ago and I'm shocked at how expensive it's turning out to be. When do you have to decide by?

    Bunk got worse over night so I called the vet this morning and she's coming over in half an hour. It doesn't sound good, he will probably need an ultrasound next week and have to stay at the vets for the day. He hates the vet so much, which is why I always use their home visitng option. I just told my OH on the phone and he asked if there was even going to be a wedding at this rate because of the costs image

  • ZoeBZoeB Posts: 149

    Oh no! Why dont you get some calms pet remedy drops they helped my crazy girl cat as she is a bit mad and hates vets too. Just spoke to the vet again and it looks like amputation he is worried that the plate option isnt going to work so upsetting but what can you do. Just want him to be ok before we go away on honeymoon or I will worry! 

  • Oh no, poor cat. Do you have a family member who will stay with him whilst you are on your honeymoon? Luckily my mum lives near us and watches him if we need to go away.

    The vet's just left us and he's got worse. He is on a prescription diet immediately, it's some Royal Canin stuff. I hope he likes it! They have also upped his medication and he has to go for the ultrasound on Tuesday, but if he hasn't urinated by tomorrow morning he has to go in tomorrow.

    I'm supposed to be going away for a weekend to a wedding next weekend but I really don't want to go if he's still ill.

  • Angie jAngie j Posts: 448

    Oh no, I do feel sorry for you both dollydaydream & Zoe. What a huge worry!!

    Zoe, if it were me I think I would choose to amputate. Cats adapt brilliantly well to losing a leg. It would be a shame to put him through having the plate & spending all that money of course too & then it didnt work. 

    I hope both your cats recover well. Sending virtual hugs xx

  • Dollydaydream. Sorry to hear he isn't getting better the prescription diet is fantastic and they do seem to like it. Fingers crossed he gets better

    ZoeB like Sarah i just wanted to tell you about my cat Patch. He was run over at 6 months old. He was lucky we found him he broke his pelvis and back leg. He had his leg pinned by a specialist vet and he had to be caged for 3 months. We were close to amputation but thank god he didn't need it. Today he is 8 years old and a wonderful cat. He sleeps with bus leg straight as he can't bend it properly at the hip but it doesn't stop him running around and jumping. You may gave seen in my earlier post about his mega colon. This developed last year and they believe that it was a result of his narrowed pelvis and poisible pain at the bottom of his spine preventing him from going to the toilet. He spent a year on pain killers and we now have to give him special granules in his food along with water and lactulose every day. He had adapted really well and is back to normal

    I suppose my main message to both of you is don't give up hope. I really hope they both recover xx
  • thanks for the kind words and advice everyone. I knew I couldn't be the only one who loves cats! 

    Thanks for the tip about vet uk Sarah. I am planning on getting him a water fountain as well.


    He's asleep now but if he hasn't had a wee by the morning it'll be ultrasound time tomorrow! Otherwise it's Tuesday morning at 8:20am.  It doesn't make much difference when he has i. I guess if its tomorrow then it'll be over with. 

  • Another tip I learnt when mine was poorly, not that I could get my cat to take it as he hates the smell, is get some apple cider vinegar in him. If you google it and feline cystitis there's a lot of people who swear by it.

    Hope your cat gets better!

  • I'm not saying this to be controversial, but in your original post you said that you love your cat more than anyone or anything. I love my cat (and still miss his sister who died more than a year ago) and I sometimes make jokes to Mr H about wanting to marry the cat instead, but he knows full well that I love him more than the cat; it's not even a question. 

    Anyway, as a cat lover myself, I have a hard time understanding how you can love your cat more than the man you are planning to spend the rest of your life with, so if he doesn't really like cats I'd imagine he's having a really tough time with it. Even if you didn't really mean that, is it possible that he feels second best and that could be the reason behind some of the arguments. I wouldn't like not being the most important person in my husband to be's life (and yes, I'd view a cat as a person).

    I really hope all the kitties make full recoveries. X

  • I love them in completely different ways, the same as people love their parents, or kids as well as their husbands! The bickering is mainly me being snappy anyway, because I've been so stressed. He has been making an effort. he keeps telling me how much he loves Bunk and will make sure he's ok. He even insisted we get the vet over yesterday! Bunk seems a bit better today after the antibiotic injection and he's been eating his prescription food. He did go to the toilet last night so we don't need to take him for the ultrasound today. I'll see how he is on Tuesday and go from there. 

  • ZoeBZoeB Posts: 149

    Thank you girls for all your kind words and experiences its encouraging to hear of other peoples situationshaving spoken to the vet again he is booked in to have his hind leg amputatedgialready lots of research and spoken to someone who 

  • ZoeBZoeB Posts: 149

    Had a similar situation and her cat is like any other cat! Luckily my sister is coming to stay whilst we are away for the week so they will both be spoilt rotten whphp puts my mind at rest! Pets are such a worry luckily my h2b loves our cats like babies

  • PurdyPurdy Posts: 181

    I agree with the advice on insurance re cover conditions for life - our cat Purdy is my baby too - my OH doesnt agree so much - i worried myself silly about what to do with her on the wedding day as she isnt an outside cat but that meant she was going to be in the mele of getting ready, shes never been in a cattery, we bought an outdoor cage for her that we never used but she was such a massive consideration and worry ... etc etc. so i completely understand how much you are worrying over yours being seriously poorly.  Purdy doesnt drink much - she wont drink water so we have to give her cat milk - and even then sometimes have to put it under her nose even though its been down on the floor all day - then she'll drink it - i also put water from the kettle on her wet food - its makes it a bit soupy and sometimes she eats it too quick and vomits it all back up - but if i get the balance right its about the only way to get liquids into her.  Hope it all works out - and take a break from the wedding stuff til kitty it sorted - you've got lots of time yet to arrange things.  Focus on kitty and OH, weddings are stressful and little things can drive you mad .... me and my OH had a massive tearful argument in a restaurant 2 days before our wedding over the silliest of things but i seriously questioned why we were together for a moment.  It was all water under the by the next day and due to me stressing .. Good luck xxxxx

  • ZoeBZoeB Posts: 149

    An bless purdsounds like a little diva! I have a girl and ban cat and do find girls stay in much more jess wnot go out when it's cold! Luckily I have a friend of a friend feeing them on the wedding evening and my mum and dad are staying so they have company I haven't out them in a chattery and with ginge having his operation I've had to arrange cat day care! 

  • Angie jAngie j Posts: 448

    image Good news that Bunk is improving slightly. Hope he is ok today.

    Zoe, I bet you feel a little better now you have made a decision about his leg. When is he having it done? 

    Was thinking about both your cats yesterday while I was at work wondering how they were. 

  • ZoeBZoeB Posts: 149

    Hi Angie he is booked in for weds and I get married next fri so it's quite upsetting as I should be so excited now which I am but just worried about my poor fur baby he's such a big softy it breaks my heart but he is alive and very spoilt more than a lot of poor animals so have to try and be positive x

  • PurdyPurdy Posts: 181

    I agree ZoeB - he's in the best of care and is being given an option a lot of unloved kitties would never get.  He's a special cat. x.  Good luck !!

  • Thanks everyone x

    Good luck for your cat tomorrow Zoe. I'm sure he will be fine and you will take very good care of him. Keep us updated.

    The prescription food and the higher dose of medication seems to be helping Bunk a lot, he's started acting more like himself and weeing more regularly, so we decided to cancel the ultrasound tomorrow as we are going away on the weekend which always stresses him out a little bit anyway, and see how he is next week and either rebook the ultrasound, or get another urine test to see if he's improved. I don't want to send him in to the vet for the day and stress him out, and then just leave him with my mum all weekend, and if he's getting better I don't want to put him through it for nothing. I'm going to keep him on the prescription food for at least 6 months though, I've heard it may have to be forever!

    OH is being brilliant, helping a lot with his medication and everything. He said this illness has made him realise how much he loves Bunk and wants to take care of him and for us to be a family image He knows that I think of Bunk like a son!

  • RedfiRedfi Posts: 103

    I'm a pet nutritionist as well as a bridezilla! So if you want any diet info on your cat PM me. My cat is 11 years old and has been through bouts of cystitis in the past so I know what a pain it can be (although when she had it she pissed on the sofa and I left it with my ex when I moved out! ha ha ha!). Anyway, she's on a good quality low protein, dry cat food which I just add warm water to. Litter tray position, type of litter and how many trays you have is absolutely crucial too. xxx

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