SIL to be Issues

I am having a few issues with my fiance's sister currently regarding bridesmaid dresses. We do get on, but we are not amazingly close - I don't think we would be friends if we just met at work etc. I feel like I have spent a lot of time and effort trying to make her like me, doing things for her etc and for the most part we are fine, but there are times when she will just turn on me and she can also be very critical of me. However I asked her to be my bridesmaid as I thought it would be nice and I wanted her to be involved - though I think she feels it was her right to be my bridesmaid. I get the distinct feeling she is not thrilled about the fact I and her brother are getting married and there have been numerous occasions where she has made comments about what we what we have planned for our wedding which I have found very hurtful.

The tipping point has been bridesmaid dresses - I send a message around to all my bridesmaids with a couple of dresses I liked, and suggesting we try and fix a date to go and try them on. Whilst the rest of the group like the dresses, which are long and elegant, and were happy to meet she messaged me separately to say that she doesn't like them and wanted something very different etc, says we are looking for them far too early and has been stalling in trying to set a date. I am trying to stand my ground, as the dresses I have found are just what I am looking for, will fit the feel of the day and will suit everyone, and I have tried to explain this, but the situation has escalated massively with her and her brother. I am being made to feel that I am selfish and stubborn because I like these particular dresses, which the rest of my bridal party also like, and I feel like the only way to resolve things is to give in to her.

This is really getting me down. I am stressed already with various big changes in my life as well as the wedding and being busy at work and trying to lose weight and arguing with her and my other half is just too much. Am I being unreasonable? I didn't think I was, but now am doubting myself. How do I resolve this? I can't have it out with her as I think that will cause major issues between me and my H2B but I can't let her walk all over me, can I?


  • Weddings seem to be that one occassion when a few people in the two families think it's their chance to make it all about them. Don't doubt yourself, it's your day and what you say goes. If your other bridesmaids like the dresses, then they're obviously not hideous. Stand your ground. Sounds like the best case senario is you insist on the dresses and she stands down from being a bridesmaid - you don't need someone around you who is gonna cause problems, your bridesmaids are there to help you. Nothing else.


  • Stand your ground, it's your wedding day, not hers. Your certainly not being unreasonable. Have you spoken to any of your other bridesmaids about this? They will no doubt take your side but this could cause more trouble if the SIL thinks she's being 'ganged up on', Might just give her more of an excuse to kick off about stuff. But would be useful to have a bit of back up from the others.

    Bit of a random question but is she married? 

  • My sister in law to be and only bridesmaid was stalling on the dress front, but then admitted she's pregnant. Could this be similar? If not, ask her what dress she likes and if you and your other bridesmaids still prefer the one you picked tell her that it is the most popular, but if she really doesn't like it, you'll understand if she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid.

    In all honesty though, does it matter if they are in different dresses? When I'd planned to have my two best friends (until sister in law to be said she wanted to be one and I couldnt really want 3 as it felt like overkill for a wedding with only 50 guests) I was thinking hey should have the same colour and fabric, but choose a style to suit them. Most women would be mortified if they turned up to a party in the same dress as someone else. I don't really get why weddings are the exception to the rule. 

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    What does your OH think about it?

    I would go with the general vote and you should not change styles/colours for her. The day is about you and your OH. Listen to her, but explain where you are coming from, esp if you are paying for it all!

  • I'm the same image agree with just having a chat with her and explaining that this is the style that you all have agreed on and that you would like them all to be in the same style dress? And that you'd love her to be apart of your day but if she feels she is unable to be a bridesmaid as she doesn't want to wear the dress then you will totally understand image - makes it seem like her issue not yours ( which it is lol) xx
  • Or you could just let everyone have the other dresses apart from her, then she'll stick out like a sore thumb. I would however note that this is a very risky option!

  • I totally understamd where you are coming from as I had the exact same issue! OH has two sisters, one is 18 and other is 21. 21 year is the issue. I bought the dresses off ebay as wanted something a bit different and not expensive. The dresses come and everything seemed to be fine, and it wasnt till a few weeks later I had heard she had been crying to her mum (OHs mum too) that she didnt like the dress. Later down the line, I then heard that she actually wanted me to buy dresses made from scratch! How much do those cost! In the end, me and OH didnt talk to his family (apart from his dad) for three and a half months because of her selfish ways and even now, I just tolerate her, I dont liek her at all and cant stand to be around as have not had an apology or anything. Safe to say his sisters are no longer BMs which I didnt want them to be in the first place as I knew the 21 year old would be spoilt and cause a fuss, but thats what you get trying to be nice and getting everyone involved! I have learnt the hard way to just do what you want and forget what other people want on your day. I f you are paying and its your day, do what YOU want, not what other people want, they still wont be grateful for it!

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