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RSVP nightmares

I was going to post this is on my planning thread but there is already enough negative things there and it should be a happy place.

I thought I had made life easy for my guests. I'm getting married in Paris so yes there is that extra stress for guests having yo travel to a different country. But we pre-booked rooms at a hotel near to the reception and have organise all transport on the day - including taxis back (there us no lodgings at venue itself but this place us only 10 mins away). We have a wedding websiet with all the details on and I've sent very long emails with the same info. All we've asked is thet guests tell us how many rooms send how many nights they need a room and give a contact email and phone number per room which us rgot the hotel asked us to do in return for a very decent discount.

So why a month after the RSVP deadline am I still chasing people?!? Mum says its a natural part of weddings but I have so much going on I do not have time for people to now start thinking whether they might stay one night then changr hotels. I sent the invitations last summer.

I just need a bit of a rant. Anyone else with nightmare guests?

I should also that this is not a small majority of guests, of 96 guests a good 80 are from outside the region and need accommodation and only 8 replied via our website as requested.


  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    i feel your pain! its now 2 months after my RSVP deadline and two weeks after the venue wanted the seating plan and offical numbers and im still chasing up RSVPs! two and a half weeks before my wedding! i made the RSVPs into postcards so all they had to do was tick a box and put on a stamp, or email their answer on the email address i put on

    i think people just forget or presume that you know they are coming (without them ever saying that yes they are coming!) i was told by MIL that if they havent replied presume they r coming - you cant do this, well i cant and i got a few rejections after chasing people so she was wrong.

    i would post or contact them saying that the hotel needs final numbers by xx date otherwise they have to sort themselves out etc. spread the word or do the childish thing that i done and say to people that havent RSVPd "im so sorry you cant make it to the wedding, i hope to see you soon tho" they reply but i am, and you say oh but i havent seen an rsvp so i presumed you werent coming. or say you are worried that some invites went missing as you havent heard from them?!

    good luck, i wish it wasnt so stressful and people were more considerate especially when going abroad (which to be fair they should have booked up and sorted by now!)

  • Feel your pain MrsB2014! Im getting married in May in Zante and I have just told people now if you havent booked by end of jan (now) then i assume your not coming.

    Its rude enough that people don't have the common decency to let you know. I appreciate alot of people have circumstances out of their control and its a lot of money to pay to book but just tell me from the start rather than make it awkward!

    I have two half brothers who I love to bits and said 'ill be there' and me and my fella thought they were a dead cert until I went over to see one of them in December and they didnt even ASK how the wedding plans were going!!?!? I was taken aback i thought its just conversation to ask. So i had to message them saying can you let me know and now i have put myself out there to ask for the SECOND time - they turn around and said they can't make it! Why couldn't they have said from the start!?


    Also feel for u as it sounds like you have alot of guests and you need to know for favours/travel etc!

    I have 26 guests and i am ordering for 26 guests! nice small wedding so can imagine how stressed you are when a) your wedding is so close and b) how many guests you have!

    Best of luck MrsB2014 - feel your pain ! xx

  • I feel your pain! I'm getting married in Santorini and I'm still waiting on all of my smoky to let me know if they're coming or not. My h2bs family are enthusiastic and already booked. But my family are so so weird
  • MrsB2014MrsB2014 Posts: 465

    Thanks. It's not really the rsvps for the wedding that is stressing me - I expected to have to chase up giving such a long reply date. But we had to send them that early because I was getting emails and calls from guests stressing that they couldn't organise anything without them. I sent some gentle reminders just after the date and everyone came back so we have the final numbers for the favours, table plan and such.

    The stressful thing is the hotel. I think we're being over generous centralizing the reservations but it was the hotels condition for giving the discount. We put the information on the website and contacted all guests asking that they reply with the RSVP by the end of the year at the end of November. Then sent a gentle reminder just after the new year. Another 2 weeks ago and still there are some people who are undecided. I appreciate that people have other things going on but when we're going out of our way to make their lives easier and save them money I'd have hoped people would be a little more polite.

  • I will never understand why people take so long to RSVP!!  Our invites went out in November and I gave people up until the end of Feb.  Obviously I'm aware they still have 24 days to respond but it's a little bit annoying because I ordered a few extra invites with that response date on in case people couldn't come so we could upgrade those who had to go onto the evening invite list (we can't invite too many people to the daytime).

    My uncle and cousins have yet to respond but I've heard through my mum (who heard through my aunt) that they're not coming.  If they already know they're not coming then I feel like they should have responded to let me know.

    I've found everything surrounding the invites to be the worst thing about the wedding so far haha.  

  • I'm chasing RSVPs too now and our invites went out at in November. I'm contacting people individually and saying I'm bring chased by the caterers so I need numbers.

    I swear to god I will always RSVP immediately from now on! xxxx

  • Ive asked for RSVPs for 120 guests for our UK reception and Ive had 2 replies ! LOL I am hoping people just turn up on the day ! xxxx

  • I hate to be the bearer of bad news Hun but you probably won't get all replies back regardless of chasing 

    we had one guest for our wedding in Crete say he was going to book all the way to the deadline and then didn't and then told us 5 days before we flew out that he was coming!

    my advice is to send an email around now saying that they have until Sunday for a final reply regardless of attending or not and then after that it will be accepted that they are not attending and hotel will be informed etc

    anyone who doesn't get back shouldn't be important to you

    as for UK parties - we invited 120 people , 56 got back within the deadline,  I chased the other 60. 10 out of the 60 said they were coming - I have the final numbers at 70 and catered for the 70, figuring people were just going to turn up  as well

    total that came : 48! Majority of the food was thrown away,  cost me a fortune,  I worked it out that I could've saved myself about £400 if these people had told me so I was fuming 

    but these people obviously don't care enough as we had one friend that flew in from Finland in the morning for it  yet others couldn't get a bus or train into the city for it

    Set a final deadline and stick to it ladies don't stress yourself out chasing people that obviously don't give a damn enough to even give a quick text back!

  • I feel your pain! I have the meeting with the caterers etc to confirm final numbers in 9 days and I have several RSVP's to get back, most annoyingly some are HTB's family! surely they would be first to respond?! Evening RSVP's are few and far between so I am going to estimate on numbers so that loads of food isnt wasted. We have 112 to the day (started at 100...will get on to that in a min...) and another maybe 100 invited to the evening so I am going to say 150-160 for the evening. If there isnt enough food then people need to knwo they should have RSVP'd like we requested... Mean bride!

    We started with 100 guests, a number we do need to be strict about (ceremony venue holds only 100... so hoping that they dont do a head count and kick out 12 of our guests!!). Anyway, all the single friends were not given a plus one for the sake of it as we really didnt have the space (such a big family on H2B side). Then they all in the last 2 months get partners. the girls were all happy for their partners to just come to the evening reception, great of them. Then the best man who is currently travelling says he has found a "serious girlfriend". This is after knowing said girl for all of 3 weeks and after having another "serious girlfriend" whilst on his travels. So he says he WANTS the girlfriend to come, not CAN she, he WANTS her. A girl we have never met and wont meet until our wedding day who we both have a feeling wont be about in a few months time and will be in our wedding photos forever more. So due to plus ones the wedding guest list has grown by 12. Seeing as he was allowed his plus one to the whole day it felt really mean to say to the others that theirs can only come to the evening so they now all have a plus one to the whole day. To make matters worse, he has now spent the last 2 weeks saying to my H2B that they arent getting along and wonders if she is right for him. ARGH!!! Its like people dont understand that we have a table plan to try and get printed?! This "may or may not turn up" attitude is so frustrating!!

  • MrsB2014MrsB2014 Posts: 465

    You are a nicer person than me. I would not have added the new girlfriend. 

    My hotel replies are more or less sorted now. It took some chasing but that stress should be over.

  • KateJessKateJess Posts: 226

    If it makes you all feel any better I'm  getting married in 6 days and  of the 70 guests coming only 30 have formally rsvpd! Lots of people seem to think that mentioning the wedding in passing means we know they are coming!  Vast majority of my family haven't rsvpd including my uncle who assumed the invite included his  brand new gf who he then broke up with 2 weeks ago!  my sister has also insisted on a plus one even though she  hasn't got a bf and the guy she's bringing has a gf!

  • Gosh I thought it was just me and my weird family. I put to RSVP March and so far I've hand ONE reply from my entire family.  I'm disgusted with them, don't care if they don't come

  • tinkymootinkymoo Posts: 419

    How far in advance do you recommend sending invites out and how long a period have you left for people to rsvp? I really dont know what to do x

  • gina ggina g Posts: 397

    RSVPs are a nightmare, I sent invites out with a short response time so that it would be fresh in peoples mind and I am still waiting for lots of them, the things is I really need as our numbers are tight and for any declines we have a backup list..... arrgghhhh people please reply lol

  • KateJessKateJess Posts: 226

    We sent invites out at the beginning of December for a March wedding. We didn't give an RSVP deadline but I doubt that would have made much of a difference to the response rate.We also sent save the dates in June. 

  • Victoria25Victoria25 Posts: 250

    I think I've accidentally double booked people!  My cousin who lives abroad hadn't responded by the date I'd asked.  He didn't go to my sister or my brother's weddings so I assumed it meant he wasn't coming to mine.  I told my parents they could invite a couple they are friends with to the daytime (they were down for the evening but I thought it's a bit far for them to come just for a few hours) and then a couple of days ago my cousin said he is coming afterall!!  Oh dear image

    Is anyone putting an RSVP on their evening invites? 

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