Bridesmaid just announced she's pregnant

Hi all

I'm getting married in November and am having my sister, sister-in-law and h2b's sister as my bridesmaids.

The other week my sister-in-law announced that she is pregnant which is great news as her and my brother have been trying for ages but she is due the middle of September.

My mum has said that if she were in my sister-in-law's position she would step down from being a bridesmaid and has even suggested I ask her not to be one any more! I'm really not sure what to do. 

The biggest issue I am having is I haven't sorted anything out for the bridesmaids yet.  I already had a bit of a problem because she is bigger than the other two (over size 20 - my sister is size 16 and h2b's sister is size 8!) so finding a dress to suit everyone has been tricky.  I'm at a loss as to when to get their dresses now.  I don't want to buy anything too early just to have to make loads of alterations nearer the wedding but I don't want to leave it too late either and not be able to find anything at all.  I was considering Dessy bridesmaid dresses but I'm not sure about that now.

She also had a miscarriage last year so I don't want to put her under any unnecessary stress.  However she was brilliant when I went to try wedding dresses on a couple of weeks ago and was the only one of my bridesmaids who came.

It's really been giving me a headache.  Any advice would be much appreciated!

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  • My suggestion would be to go with empire line dresses and then it will flatter her whatever the size of her tummy. 

    Perhaps ask her for advice too as she obviously wants to be involved. She may have already had some ideas as to dresses and it might make her consider whether she still feels able to be a bridesmaid with the timescale. 

    x

  • PoppinsPoppins Posts: 3,146

    I'm in the same situation so I feel your stress! My MOH is due 5 weeks before the wedding! I can't offer much help but know how you are feeling! I'm taking my BMs dress shopping in a few weeks to see what they like and will go from there! When I spoke to the shop where I'm getting my dress from they advised me to measure her around 5 months pregnant and it could be a good indication of what size she could be after having the baby. I wanted to get high street dresses but I don't think I can risk that now as we have no idea what size she'll be and if I don't sort it soon I really will start to stress about it! Is it her first baby? You could always ask her if she still wants the role but I wouldn't get rid if her because she's having a baby xx

  • The pregnancy are not the reason to telling her she can't be your bridesmaid. I would just order the dress with lace at the back, empire style. It will for sure suit all of your bridesmaids, will fit because of the laces and will cover her post-baby belly. Try dresses on Evica.co.uk. They have many suitable styles and can make laces with every dress (if there is no laces already). The choice of colors and quality are quite impressive. 

  • My sister told me on New Years Day she's pregnant and we're getting married in April. The dress shop have been great though and they're putting a lace up back in her dress so it will fit perfect on the day. Her boobs are already huge!

    It's really not an issue xx

  • JodielouJodielou Posts: 4,058

    I think you have to leave the decision re. whether to step down as bridesmaid to her- there's really no reason why she should, unless she'd feel more comfortable taking a back-seat role.  Dessy does a lovely maternity dress which would be very flattering on a 'bigger' girl:

    You could add a modesty panel if you think the neckline is a little low...

     

    And then you'd have a load of dresses to choose from (in the same fabric as the maternity dress, nu-georgette) for your other bridesmaids xx

  • RachoHRachoH Posts: 205

    Hi,

    Have you looked at the twist and wrap dresses?

    The high street do some now and are changeable to suit all different body shapes.

     

  • Thanks everyone. Asking her to step down didn't enter my head until my mum suggested it and knowing she has previously miscarried is why I was wondering if I should or not. I'd hate to think she was worrying over dresses, the hen do etc. as it would also stress me out lol.

    I didn't even think about having lace at the back of the bridesmaid dresses. I'll keep that in mind when I have another look image

  • I'm in a similar situation - my chief bridesmaid and sister-in-law-to-be has finally fallen pregnant again following a miscarriage ... I am SO excited for her!! ...but there is a tiny selfish part of me that is kicking her for the timing - her due date is 3 days after our wedding!

    This means that potentially she, her husband (my OH's brother and groomsman) and her little girl (also our flowergirl) may not be at the wedding at all. Regardless, there is no way she will fit into the dress we've already bought and she won't be able to get as involved with things as she has enough to deal with already - really I am fine with this, and I just want her to take it easy so that everything goes to plan, I can stress about details later!

    I think you need to be honest with yourself and your bm - are you thinking about letting her "off the hook" for her sake or is it because her being pregnant doesn't fit in with your plans for the day/run up to the wedding? Think carefully and then ask her honest opinion about whether she wants the responsibilities or maybe wants to take more of a back seat ... the only thing you can do is have a heart to heart about it, she's your bm after all so I'm guessing you are pretty close and can be honest with each other about the whole thing and move forward from there image

    xxx

  • My MOH and sister is due 3 months before the wedding, I'm getting married in July and she is due at the end of April! I'm going to have to wait until May to get bridesmaid dresses, luckily I'm just buying some normal spotty dresses from eBay and hopefully it'll fit her! She is also supposed to be staying over night in a cottage near the venue with me the night before. She said she will be fine to still do this but I'm worried she won't want to leave her baby! I spoke to her though and she's assured me that it won't effect anything.

  • I don't think you should ask her to step down, you can ask her how she feels about still being a bridesmaid but personally I don't think she would decide to not be now she is pregnant, being pregnant myself I would still want to be involved as your wedding is 2 months after, if it was within a couple of weeks of the wedding day then I would maybe rethink my position.

    As for the dresses and different sized bridesmaids, all my girls were different shapes/sizes, and what we did was they all wore different dresses which suited them, they were all satin and the same colour - dessy dresses and they looked fab, they all had different hair styles too each to their own personality. everyone (who noticed- some didn't) commented on how it was lovely to see them in different dresses instead of trying to find one that will flatter/suit everyone!xx

  • My sister in law to be and maid of honour is due 6 weeks before the wedding (so in 3 weeks time) and she offered to step down. I told her that I'd understand if she didn't want to do it but she wasn't to step down for my sake. She wanted to carry on. It was made slightly easier by the fact that she is my only bridesmaid. We left getting a dress quite late (two weeks ago, actually) and we ended up having to pay for rush, and accept we'll have to pay for alterations.

    You could choose a designer and colour and have different styles if you're worried about body shape. Remember, she may actually lose weight whilst pregnant, so I'd get measured at the latest reasonable ordering day and then just pay for alterations two-three weeks before. Do your research, find out which designers have what delivery windows, order the other dresses first if you're going to leave it until later and pay for rush. Go high waist for her style so that in only needs to be fitted round the chest and maybe go lace up so as to allow for breast variation (and you might avoid alteration costs).

    My only worry now is waiting to get a name so I can finish my table plan! (Clearly joking, a new baby in our family is so much more important than one day)

  • I think you need to sit down with her and have a chat about things she may think she should step down but doesn't know how to tell you if you are both happy for her to continue in the role then I am sure together you can sort things out x

  • Angie4Angie4 Posts: 55

    hi, my MOH was 8 months pregnant at my wedding and it wasn't a problem at all. 

    It doesn't make a difference to you or your day and who you want to be by your side and in your wedding group. 

    If she would like to step down then that's up to her as some ladies wouldn't want the all eyes on you when so pregnant but it wouldn't be the one to ask her to in a million years. There's no extra stress just the time to find a slightly different dress, mine had a wrap over one that went over bump. x

  • image

    Hello ladies

    Already married and not been on here for a while. Curiosity got the better of me so I popped my head round the door to see what was up on the forum. If you don't mind, here are my thoughts:

    My sister was bridesmaid at our wedding and had her third child three weeks after the wedding day, so was very heavily pregnant.

    It never crossed my mind to ask her to step down and when she herself offered, I told her I would be more totally happy for her to continue as BM, but *if* she didn't want to go ahead, she shouldn't feel obliged to.

    She opted to remain as BM but clearly I didn't heap her with a load of responsibilities as the wedding approached. All I wanted was for her to be there on the day, stay healthy and enjoy it as much as the rest of us. All she had to do was choose her dress and make it to the venue with her husband and kids. Nothing more.

    Re dresses, I had 3 BMs, selected the colour we wanted from Dessy and then asked them all to choose a Dessy style to suit. So they were all coordinated but in three different dresses, all of which suited the individual and looked great. My sis plumped for a tea length chiffon empire-style maternity dress and looked stunning (she has since had it altered so it still fits her and is no longer a maternity style).

    Key things to remember: 1) the 'nice' thing to do is be supportive and allow your SIL to make the right decision for her; and 2) there will always be a solution to suit dresswise. If you have a mix of sizes among your BMs, perhaps it would be easiest to let them choose their dresses so everyone feels and looks comfortable. If she's happy she'll be radiant on the day and you'll be so glad you kept her on.

  • Have a chat with her, to ask how she feels about continuing as a bridesmaid.  I'm sure she wouldn't want to let you down, but, realistically, her pregnancy is much more important to her than your wedding and it may suit her not to be a bridesmaid.

    I was due to be bridesmaid at my sister's wedding.  I found out I was pregnant and would have been more than 6 months pregnant on her day but she was still happy for me to be bridesmaid.  Then my baby came early and I had to let my sister down just weeks before the wedding as I needed to be at the hospital and there was a limit to how much help I would be to my sister.  

    She still had a brilliant day, still married the man she wanted to, still had lovely wedding photos. 

    Sometimes the detail is really not that important.  

     

  • Hi all I'm in a similar pickle my MOH and bestie is expecting her child and is due days before the wedding. Its freaked me out as the bridesmaid shop only dose alterations in until 10days before then wedding where she would have a bump! My MIL is a midwife who said they can go either way by 10 days and its her 1st she most likely to go over! The stress is underivable on this and I'm not sure what to do.

  • This hasnt happened to me but happened to a few friends of mine that got married last year

    one friend her SIL was due 10 days before the wedding, which all went fine and baby was here a week before, they had chiffon maxi dresses that were empire line so it wasnt a problem.

     

    other friend her sister was due 2 weeks before, went over, induced 10 days after still nothing, ended up giving birth 4pm the day before wedding, got discharged at 9pm they then drove 100 miles, stayed over in a hotel, drove a further 100 miles the next morning and arrived at the wedding, they had two birds bridesmaid dresses and you'd never have known she'd actually given birth the day before.

     

    i dont think its up to you to ask them to stand down, but maybe have a chat with her and see what shes thinking, i know from my friends experiences they were just happy that they were still involved, hope you get sorted xx

  • Hey Victoria,
    If your sister-in-law wants to be your bridesmaid then don't refuse her to do that.But if she is conscious about her condition then you can try to make another bridesmaid ready for you.If she is ready then you can hire a designer for her dress and accordingly prepare other bridesmaids' dresses.

  • Victoria25Victoria25 Posts: 250

    Thanks everyone for your comments.

    I'm actually not sure she even wants to be a bridesmaid now and am wondering if she isn't saying anything for fear of letting me down.  Everything I suggest (for all parts of the wedding) she is quite negative about and has pretty much said "no" or found something wrong with dresses I've shown her.  As we need to be at the venue by 12pm to get ready everyone has said they will stay at a hotel the night before as they live the other side of London.  Now she is saying that because she will have a baby she won't be able to do that.  Personally I don't see what difference it would make as she would still be staying the night of the wedding,  Surely it would be easier to get everything sorted the evening before?

    Also last week she had a scare and thought she was having another miscarriage, so I think that is freaking her out a little bit.  We are going out in April to look for wedding dresses and I can see her being difficult.  It is causing me quite a headache.  If she was more positive than it would be a whole lot easier!!

  • My best friend and only bridesmaid was 8 months pregnant, at first I was oh no the dress, but theN I thought I am going to be an auntie (lol), from about 5 months we knew the designer dress she had wouldn't fit so after us having a mock argument of who would pay for a replacement (she won) I told her to get one and keep it a surprIse, I saw it the night before, it was gorgeous and she looked stunning x x

  • One of my bridesmaids is pregnant and only found out after she found out about then baby. If she had told me she was pregnant first I still would of asked her and it does not affect my choice on who I want beside me.

    The baby is due in April and we get married in September but as we got bridesmaids dresses from the bridal shop she is not going to be measured and she has just asked for a size 10 dress and we have to hope for the best.

    The woman in the bridal shop told us dessy dresses usually can extend to a inch bigger anyways.

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