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Bridesmaid pulled out

Hi girls

My best friend lives in Australia and I'm getting married in Santorin.  Right at the start I never expected her to come, obviously it would cost her a lot of money and it's a massive thing to ask. She's always insisted she was coming, I've asked her several times if she's sure and she always tell me to stop being so stupid.

So I've bought her dress, jewellery, flowers and other bits and bobs totalling £170. Yesterday (5 months to go and 5 months since invitations went out) she told me she would come to UK for hen party and festivities but not the wedding. She said that way she won't me missing out on anything (?!)

I am so mad with her right now, am I being unreasonable? Even last weekend she was talking about the wedding and her plans


  • RC15RC15 Posts: 235

    I don't think that is ok at alllll! And surely if she can only go to one it's the wedding!?? The hen do isn't the important bit the wedding is so she would be missing everything!? Wow if I was you I would be fuming! I hate confrontation though so not sure how I would handle it. I would definitely say something to Her. And if she is adamant she can't come she should pay you back for the dress etc. 


  • ButtonmoonButtonmoon Posts: 924

    have you raised your issues with her direct. i understand your upset as she has lead you down the garden path royally... on the pressumption that she is originally from the UK i would take a punt that she is trying to team a visit to the uk along with your hen so she can justify the cost.

    obv this is completely acceptable for her to do so should she have not given you reassurances that she would be coming to the wedding.

    i would make contact with her and explain that you understand it is a large cost but that you are upset that she has offered reassurances in the past and enabled you to purchase said item... fingers crossed shell seethe error of her ways and change her plans.

  • manfawmanfaw Posts: 2,756

    Does she realise she is a bridesmaid?! Sorry to ask but from you post you've just said she is coming to the wedding - IF she agreed to be a bridesmaid then I reallythink you need to speak to her directly and tell her that she had agreed to be part of the bridal party and that its cost money time and effort just for her to pull out like this.

    I would personally ask her why she is just coming to the hen do and not the wedding? Thats what doesnt make sense to me.  If she is adamant she isnt coming there isnt really much you can do apart from let her know just how upset you are over the whole situation she has now put you in

  • Oh no, thats very upsetting. I understand completely why you would be so upset. You should say to her that as much as you would like her at the hen night, you would much rather have her there with you on the wedding day as your bridesmaid. Explain how much it would mean to you to have her support on your wedding day x

  • Mrs pickleMrs pickle Posts: 319

    Thanks ladies I can't speak to her just yet, I'm too cross. Plus I want to get straight in my own mind what I'm going to say. 

    She is originally from the UK so yes she has other reasons for coming back. I completely understand that going to Santorini from the Uk will incur more costs and had she said in the first place that she was having doubts that would be fair enough. I actually didn't expect her to say yes in the first place!

    it is that extra cost that she is using as her excuse. I'm so gutted, I feel totally let down. She hasn't even apologised or acknowledged the money I have spent on her

  • Mrs pickleMrs pickle Posts: 319

    Sorry yes she was thrilled to be bridesmaid too! I sent her pics of everything before I bought it. 

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    Sounds like she has conveniently 'forgotten' about the outfit and flowers! Could you cancel her bouquet or exchange it for something else? You could sell the dress on here or ebay? Sorry to hear that you have been let down, bridesmaids really do create a lot of stress!

  • Spam88Spam88 Posts: 1,001

    Oh no, that's so upsetting image  You're right to wait until you've calmed down to speak to her, but I agree that you should say to her that if she can only do one you really would rather have her there for your wedding.  And remind her you've already bought everything for her to be a BM and can't get that money back now.

  • This may be me being very optimistic - but is it likely she may be planning to surprise you on the big day instead? This initial disappointment may be aprt of her plan?

    Does she realise you have purchased all the bits for her?

    I have had situations/dramas with my BM's (6 of them) and each time my mum always reminds me that, this is my day and i probably think about it 100 times a day and the BM's may only think about it once a month because its not their worry. She is completely oblivious to how much you have been planning and not taking it as seriously as you expect her to?

    I think you are right to get your head straight before you talk to her - You don't want to say anything you don't mean, but you still need to let her know exactly how you feel. It sounds like in her mind she has made a compromise and she thinks it will all be ok.

    Hope you sort things with her xx

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