Families who needs them??

My fiancé and I are having a really intimate wedding in September with a blessing from a very close mutual friend. We have a tight guest limit a large friend network and I have a very large family so the invitation process has been proving to be a bit of a hardship. We've been very selective of our guest as we are inviting them all to the whole day. No ceremony and added guest for reception (space does  not allow), it's an all day affair for us. It's important to us that the guest there all want to see us make this important commitment, then celebrate into the night.

With that being said one of my bridesmaids (my cousin) has just assumed that her new partner is invited. She also has her step sisters wedding the day before and has arrange for her partner to bring her from one wedding in Shropshire over to Suffolk for our wedding on the Saturday morning. 

We had not allowed for him on our guest list as A: we have never met and B: we had to be so selective and eliminate people that we would love to be there but are not that important to us i.e work colleagues. 

It's now causing a bit of a feud between my own Mother and me. She doesn't seem to understand my upset over this and is not willing to speak to my aunt or cousin and explain the situation. She just expects us to roll over and accept that he is coming.

I feel so betrayed at this point in time that my own Mum would rather upset her own daughter just to keep the peace. 

Am I expecting to much? This has really effected me, I am quiet close with my cousin but I'm afraid this is going to cause tension between us now. Hence why I would find it easier for my Mum to say something than it come from me. But shouldn't my mum want to help with situations like this? Instead she would just rather see me get deeper and deeper into stress.

I wish now my H2B and i had just disappeared off and found two witnesses and got married in secret, but we wanted to share this moment with our nearest and dearest, how has it come to this? I did not expect any of this especially from my Mum. image







  • Mrs BakeMrs Bake Posts: 1,651

    Oh honey, didn't want to read and run.

    I can't really offer any advice on this having not had the same problem... mine is the opposite in that my family probably won't be coming, I'll have my mum and D's HUGE family.

    Just wanted to send you big hugs and say maybe take a day or two away from it, and then maybe sit down with your mum again and explain how you feel. xxx

  • MrsMest2014MrsMest2014 Posts: 251 New bride

    I feel your pain, we're in a similar situation, and you're well within your rights to call the shots on your day.

    I have a very large family and everyone is very close so to get the numbers down we took the view that we wouldn't invite anyone's partner who we didn't know/had never met/had just come on the scene. However this has not gone down well with one particular arm of the family and it's led to an aunty and uncle declining an invitation as my cousin's partner who we dont know wasn't invited. Unfortunately it seems that other close relatives of theirs have also followed suit. I have explained the situation over the telephone but it seems people are willing to cut off their nose to spite their face. We've also had friends adding their partners to the RSVP when they weren't invited! I'm disappointed that people can't see the bigger picture and are trying to make our day about them. But I'm rising above it and trying to focus on the main point - getting married to the man I love, but it does make me sad when I have to remind myself of that because people are spoiling the planning. 


    Stay positive and perhaps talk to your cousin. I dont like sticking my head in the sand and at least if you tackle it head on you're being the bigger person.


    Weddings - bringing out the best and worst in people!


  • MissMay13MissMay13 Posts: 13

    Thank you ladies for your advise, it's just so frustrating as this is the last thing I ever expected. Everything has been running along so smoothly. 

    wifey2b14 wrote (see)

    Hi - again didn't want to read and run. I am kind of in defence of your mum a bit unless I am reading into this wrong then I do apologise. But why should your mum have to talk to them over this? I assume your cousin being your bridesmaid means you are close? Therefore you should be able to talk to her about this yourself. I know that if I had a problem with one of my BMs I wouldn't hide behind my mum, I would face the situation myself as its my wedding not hers.


    However, if I have read this wrong and you mean that your mum is just saying you should approach the subject with them and you should just invite him then this isn't fair. It is YOUR wedding not hers and therefore you should invite who you want. I also get married in just under 3 months and if any of my guests get a boyfriend/girlfriend in this time or haven't told me about it previously they are not coming, its too short notice now to shuffle around.

    @wifey2b14 oh i understand completely what your saying. Sorry what I missed out from my original post was it's my Mum and Aunt that gave the go ahead for his invitation without even asking me. I felt annoyed with my cousin at first, but then saw it from her side and thought maybe she was to embarrassed to ask me so confronted my Mum and Aunt about it who obviously just said "yes no problem" without asking me direct. Even though my mum is well aware of the situation of us having to already cut people in order to get people in etc. Does that make sense? 

    The thing is I'm the type of person who will stress my self out over these things to keep the peace rather than confront and cause an issue, so maybe I was expecting to much from my mum standing up for me and saying no? Now I'm going to have to be the one who confronts a problem I haven't even started. 

    It's actually a relief to know I'm not the only one with family related wedding issues. xxx



  • hello ladies !!! back again to my favorite site for weddings after a while ...miss you all so much!! anyway ,after reading the above i would just have to say that all the couples that prefer to elope have a reason !! i know of some examples that had their weddings abroad ,like Santorini for example to avoid all those that wouldn't really like to be present on THEIR big day!! i am still undecided if i should invite all my friends with their dates in my wedding ,it is not arranged at all yet ,but hopefully it will be soon in my favorite place!i am checking photos and ideas at Santorini Weddings http://www.santorini-weddings.info/ and see how i would feel with too many guests!!! if all my single friends bring their date along i would feel like an actor on stage!and i do not care if they will not understand my point and get angry as long as i will be happy with my decision and my OH agrees of course image !! our mums did not ask me who to invite at their weddings, why should i?

    you'd better relax and enjoy all this as it will be happening only once ...hopefully!!!!




  • Ahhh honey, I totally understand! If your mum invited her partner in a way it is sort of her issue to deal with. I'd understand why your cousin would be a little upset but it's your special day & if you have numbers to stick to it's really hard & I always would hope guests (particularly bridesmaids would be understanding! We sort of have the same issue, I have about ten family members on my side & about 15 on h2bs that we have seen twice in the last 2 years but we still have to invite them? :/ and when I told my nana there would be no plus ones who we didn't know invited she kicked up such a fuss :/ the only exception is my cousins boyfriend who we've met once but they live 4 hours away! Xx

  • MissMay13MissMay13 Posts: 13

    Seriously ladies thank you so much for your support, it feels so good to hear these kind words. I really started to worry it was me being the difficult one.

    Im going to give my mum a week if she's not said anything I'm going to have to step in. Cause if not, where does it stop right.

    thank you so much I really mean that xx

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