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It's all going pear shaped!

Long story short, my mum and stepdad insisted on paying for three things in the wedding. The chair cover hire, the flowers and the night buffet. Great. Chairs were £200, (I paid the £50 deposit) flowers £380 and the buffet which will probably come to £400 or so. So almost two weeks ago I called mum and told her that it was exactly two weeks until the one-month-before-the-wedding deadline when the flowers and chair covers must be paid within the fortnight or the vendors won't go through with the order. 

She's told me that they don't have the money and can't pay. She did buy another Stallion recently though. A couple of grand just because she though he was a nice pony. She already has 2 stallions and does not breed for profit. Its just an obsession. Growing up the ponies would eat well in new rugs while my sister and I would be on beans for a week and have to use our friend's old clothes.

It looks like her animal hoarding is more important than putting H2B and my wedding at risk. Had we known she wouldn't be paying we would have made some arrangements, a loan perhaps. I don't know who I'm more mad at. Her or myself for believing that she would go through with her promises. I would not have been bothered if she hadn't have offered to pay for anything but she insisted. A lot. image

 

Posts

  • Lynsey ShawLynsey Shaw Posts: 517

    I don't blame you for being upset love.  That would make me really angry too.  They made that commitment to you a while back and should honour it.  I would lay on the guilt trip and let them know that you are not impressed.  

  • She's the type of woman where nothing is her fault. I truly hope that when she's sitting at home at night she feels some guilt about this.

    She's my mother and I love her but honest to God, she is a selfish, selfish woman. Claims poverty but has over a dozen show ponies, multiple gundogs, cars, Landrovers (yep, plural) A quad bike, motorbike, caravan, fancy trailers, the biggest tv and Sky packages and a minimum of three foreign holidays a year. So basically, whenever she has money, they blow it. Her hubby gets paid a few grand for a job and it's all gone within a couple of weeks. I should never have allowed her to talk me into agreeing. We have 3 days left to get the flowers and chairs paid or we lose them and H2B doesn't get paid until 5 days past the deadline. I just hope that the vendors are understanding.

  • SofiaF82SofiaF82 Posts: 177

    What did she say when you explained this to her?

  • She just shrugged, said there was nothing she could do and told me that her hubby (who is a self employed sub contractor for engineering firms) hadn't had his latest invoices paid and so that was it. They'll get paid at some point but it's "not her fault" they don't have any money. She didn't even apologise.

    I didn't mention her buying a new pony because she goes immediately into denial and defensive mode when it comes to her animals. She simply cannot see how its wrong that her kids went without so often and only ever wore handmedowns, because at least we had clothes and the poor ponies are defenceless and need her. And how it would be animal cruelty to not ensure they were cared for. 

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    You have described my Mum. She always says how skint she is then she has gone and bought x and y. Went there yesterday and she has bought new garden furniture, not one set but two! She also said she would help out, as my OH's parents have but then said she couldn't when we asked.

    Instead of focusing on the problem find the solution. Is there a way you can reduce costs (I realise it is quite late to do this).

  • laurapjlaurapj Posts: 726

    Sorry to hear you're having to deal with this. I can understand your worry and anger. It really sucks when you can't rely on your loved ones. My first call would be to the suppliers and explain what is going on. You don't have to give exact details but explain that you've been let down and ask if they'd mind extending the balance deadline by a week. Then I'd prioritise those things in terms of importance and see how much you might be able to stretch your budget to cover as much as possible.

    Is there anything you've bought that you are no longer using that you could sell on? Or anything you could sell after the wedding to recoup some of your costs?

    Sorry I've not got much advice to offer, try not to panic though, I'm sure brides have had similar or bigger disasters before their day and managed to work it out and still have a wonderful wedding xx

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    I would look at ways at ways to reduce your flower budget, chair cover hire you have to live with it as it is though or just not have chair covers! - all you can do is explain with suppliers that there has been a delay - if it is so close to the wedding, they will probably wait a bit longer to have the money, rather than lose your booking and then try and find someone else to book at short notice so I am sure you can sort something out but you don't really need the stress either way so close to your day. I hope your mum wakes up and smells the coffee! xx

  • NuggyNuggy Posts: 527

    This is horrid! I'm so sorry to hear how you've been let down...if h2b gets paid 5 days after deadline how about a one off payday loan? x

  • Phew. Panic over for now. After speaking to my mum I immediately went online and applied for a 0% interest credit card in H2B's name (he's aware of this of course). It came through today. We may end up with debt after the wedding but as we've cut as many corners as humanly possible to create a full wedding for under £3,000, it'll be financially do-able. We'll just have to keep our belts as tightened as we're keeping them now. We should be clear in just a few months. I'm still furious with my mum and will not be mentioning the existance of this card. Let her think she's screwed up my wedding.

  • NuggyNuggy Posts: 527

    Great news! I'm working to the same budget as you so totally understand hiw tight your belts are....hope everything is perfect for you x 

  • SofiaF82SofiaF82 Posts: 177

    Maybe your mum can fulfill her promise and give you the money so you can use it to pay off the credit card! Wishful thinking maybe?

  • MrsMest2014MrsMest2014 Posts: 251 New bride

    How frustrating, glad you've managed to sort it, even if it's not ideal. It's an unfair position your mum has put you in, no wonder you're annoyed. Wishing you a perfect day and hopefully your mum will make good on her promise xXx

  • Wow. You should just straight up dis invite her to the wedding. Then when she complains just shrug and say it's not your fault, you had some unexpected costs come in and had to cut numbers. Don't even apologise.

    No offense, but she deserves no better.

    She can spend the day with her beloved sodding horses instead.

  • laurapjlaurapj Posts: 726

    Faithless, glad to hear you've found a solution that doesn't stop you having your dream day.

    Hehe redwhitebluelondon, I love how straight-talking you are! Wish I could employ you to sort out my family, I'm far too much of a pansy, particularly where parents are concerned Xx

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