And the wedding stress has finally got to me!

I had to have the same convocation with my dad! We are only having 12 guests at our wedding. it took a long time to make the decision on whether to invite him. I sent him a message on fb (I know - cheating but we live over 300 miles apart!) I told him our plan, small and family only and mentioned prices at the hotel the night of the wedding and he asked whether that was a double or single. So I had to explain, due to budget and that fact we only want a small wedding, that the invite was only for him. He was fine with that, not sure how she reacted! I honestly thought they had split up as he is now living by himself so hadn't thought it was going to be an issue.

sorry, this doesn't really help with your problem. I think my dad was just grateful for his invite after our relationship over that last few years! 

 

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  • I had a simlar situation. We need to keep the numbers below a certain number or we would go over budget. My cousin didnt have a bf when we sent out our save the dates and then when I sent out invites she did. I should mention I have never met this bf.
    Her mum kick off about me not inviting her bf saying if we had a family even how would you feel if they didnt invite my partner. I pointed out its a wedding not a family event and it's about the people that are close to me and my partner we want there.

    But my point is its about what you two want for the day. Stand your ground if you are cap at 28 people your caped. The venue simply can't cater for any more people.

    It just seems to me weddings highlight a lot of issues which is a shame. Also I think more so for the older people and they have this idea of traditional values. Like my partners dad said we had to invite some of their friends which I disagree with I want my friends there not some people I don't know. So we told him no and I think his fine with it. But it shows the difference in the wedding culture now compared to back then.

  • NewyNewy Posts: 114

     

     

  • You need to be selfish because it is your day image . He should hopefully be mature enough to accept that you guys want a small wedding meaning he can't have a plus one. I think what you havtold him about having a plus one if someone esle cant have it is very reasonable.

    Hope it goes well image

  • MrsS2014MrsS2014 Posts: 139

    If Im honest I found the guest list the most stressful out of any of my planning so far.  I had a similiar situation to Clare above, unfortunately ended up caving in as it was causing a massive rift in my OHs family, his dad basically would not speak to us.  Its so bad when people do this, but I think if you are fair and clear with who you are inviting (which it sounds like you are) then you should stick to your guns, as much as you can.  As far as not inviting children goes, we have said no children just beacuse there are about 30 of them between our 2 families and it would have turned into a kids party not a wedding, which is not what we wanted, I know for a fact there are at least 3 couples that arent coming because they dont like te fact we havemt invited their children, and I honestly dont care, if thats how they feel Im glad they arent coming!  So I am completely with you on that,, I know its hard but try and remember that it is your day, hope you get things sorted x

  • MrsM13MrsM13 Posts: 61

    Gosh, that is a really horrible situation for him to put you in and not at all understanding. If I had an ultimatum or was given a deadline like that I would want to reply right back with the initial decision, though completely easier said than done - I am a complete walkover image(

    Since my parents were paying for most of our day and OH parents made a significant contribution, they seemed to be able to invite whoever they wanted (to a certain extent), so their friends and family outnumbered our friends, not ideal IMO, but there you go. I learnt my lesson (albeit a little too late) with that and other things... It seems to be a difficult generation where our parents often had their parents pay and organise/host the whole thing and expect/want to do same themselves, whereas younger generation are expecting to pay/organise/host themselves more and more, which can be at odds. Very difficult finding a balance, though I am absolutely grateful for all their help financial and otherwise, it also caused a lot of added stress! I hope reading others frustrations gives some of you the courage to stick to what you want!

  • I agree with Mrss2014, the only part of my planning process that has been stressful is the guest lit's part. Some people don't realise the cost to host such a large event and unfortunately think their the priority of the day and start marking their demands. 

    Stay positive though

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    try and not worry too much about it, even if people still have problems during the day the main thing is u and ur OH are getting married and you will be happy regardless! people will just have to put up and shut up! i dont know y people make such a big deal about stuff when they r a guest! u have enought to stress/worry/plan about!

    my MIL went mental reagrding guest lists and never spoke to me once during my wedding and her, her daughter and her mother were rude to my mum (and me) on the day (as well as making my life before the wedding hell!) however i had a gd day and ignored all their negativity and made sure i smiled lots and partied to spite the sour faced cows that they r lol

  • We are also not having children below a certain age at the wedding due to numbers. Apparently this is a totally alien concept for the French so I've been getting a lot of raised eyebrows about it, but it doesn't bother me. I reached out to friends with young children in advance and let them know, and they have all been really understanding (at least to my face!) My parents know and fully support the decision (to allow for more adult guests that we know), but the rest of my family don't know about it yet.  I think there might be a little backlash, but at the end of the day, we aren't going to change our minds and they will just have to make their own decision. If that means that some people decide not to come, then that's totally their choice and I won't hold it against them in any way. 

    Perhaps with OH's dad he feels like it might be awkward to be there without a partner when faced with his ex wife being there with HER partner. That's something I can kind of understand. But as for him getting pissy about the other people not invited...it's not really any of his business.

    We haven't sent out our invites yet. I'm kind of dreading it to be honest. 

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