Babies at weddings

Hi this question gets asked a lot but I'm feeling under pressure from my fiances family to invite his cousins baby and wondered if I should give in even though I don't want to!! My fiances cousin and his wifes baby will be 6 months old when we get married and have asked if they can bring it to the wedding. I have said I don't want children other than a select few who are in the wedding party or are coming from afar for the wedding but his cousin has said they can't get a babysitter so will have to bring the baby or only one of them will be able to attend!they have been given over 4 months notice to get a babysitter!!i really dont want to back down as I went to a wedding recently where a baby cried throughout the whole ceremony and I've also told my cousin who I'm really close to her baby isn't invited (she was absolutely fine about this).we are not close to my fiances cousin I've only met them twice in eight years!we attended their wedding in November and they never spoke a word to us and we've never had a thank you for our wedding gift!im just annoyed as my fiances family are saying its unfair I'm not inviting the baby but I just feel strongly about it and since we are footing the bill for the whole wedding I think I should be entitled to stick to my decision or am I been unreasonable!?

Posts

  • PoppinsPoppins Posts: 3,146

    I think it depends on if the baby is being breast fed, regards a babysitter, as a nanny looking after a baby for the whole day is totally different to babysitting. If they don't have any family who could help out, that could be a costly if they had to hire someone. my Rev.d always announces at the start of ceremonies that if any babies/children get irritable if they could please leave and go to the tower room where you can see and hear the ceremony too. You are in a tricky situation as your cousin has said it's fine but people will see the 'no kids' subject totally different to each other X

  • BexgreenBexgreen Posts: 505

    My bridesmaid has a baby that will be 10 months old at my wedding and i never thought about saying that she couldnt bring her. Put yourself in her shoes how would you feel of you had a baby and you got told that you couldnt bring them?

  • Prin85Prin85 Posts: 32

    the baby is not been breast fed and they have the cousins wife's mum or brother who could mind the baby I've even said I dont mind if they leave after th reception which I think they would do anyway with or without the baby! I also have 3 friends with babies who are happy not to bring them along and I don't want them getting upset that I've told them they couldn't bring their babies yet his cousins is ok! 

  • LollybearLollybear Posts: 548

    We have had similar dilemmas, we also said a no children wedding which was ignored by oh's family which we have had to accept. babes in arms are welcome but we have put reserved seats for them near the door of the church so they can easily step out if the baby is unsettled. 

    Our main issue has been from parents with older children who even with a years notice have told us they can't find Childcare. actually two families are now not coming because we refused to back down. I didn't thin it was fair on all those who did arrange childcare. 

    I think you have to be prepared for the fallout if you stick to your guns on this. 

  • Victoria25Victoria25 Posts: 250

    If you really don't want babies at your wedding then you need to put your foot down. It's your wedding after all and as far as I see it it's the one day you can be semi unreasonable!! How does your fiancé feel about it all? Can he speak to his family about it? Have you explained that your cousin won't be bringing their baby?

  • Prin85Prin85 Posts: 32

    They are the only ones that have cause a fuss about it! Out of 10 close friends I've invited 6 have babies and young children and they are all happy to have a day off!!OH is just leaving it up to me he's happy to go along with whatever I decide my mothe in law has also been wonderful fighting my corner and said it's your day and your decision however it's from my fathe in laws side that are causing the fuss but I've met them twice in eight years and they haven't even approached me about it they are using my mother in law as mesenger!

  • MrsNoelMrsNoel Posts: 486

    We had 2 infants at ours and 7 under 6s and they were beautifully behaved. Our registrar asked that any parents took their kids out if they started to grizzle and (apparently) one did - I heard nothing of it! 

  • MrsA2B3MrsA2B3 Posts: 357

    I'd say you need to put your foot down hun if you don't then it will only cause you more problems when other people start saying "how come they could bring their child but we couldn't" we have said that the only children attending our wedding are our own children and then our nieces and nephews x

  • herstoryherstory Posts: 1,268

    Okay your H2B needs to give his cousins a good talking to, they are his family he should say no, but also make it clear it's his decision too. You cannot make an exception for just one, not when everyone else has sorted out childcare. If you get on well with his mum ask her to tell them to contact your H2B directly!

     

  • tinkymootinkymoo Posts: 419

    Sometimes i think Adults cause more of a scene than children lol. I must admit i'm not excluding children but i would expect and screaming during the ceremony to be taken out. Our youngest invited will be 2 and a half x

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    I can see both sides of this. 

    Personally, I love children at a wedding and in my day, I have 17 children and 5 babies! My own son will only be 19 months old, and two of my bridesmaids will have titchy ones too (6 months and 4 months - both are currently pregnant!)

    But that said, I completely understand why people choose not to have children at a wedding (I am best woman at a wedding in September that is no children and I must say that I am looking forward to the evening off as much as I love children at weddings!).

    Yes, sometimes childcare is difficult to find, but they have had a lot of notice and if only one of them may be able to come, then really, it only need be your H2B's cousin anyway! 

  • I was at a wedding the other day, and the registrar asked babies to leave (with a parent obviously) during the ceremony, as a couple were crying. Brief the registrar, get an usher to sit them at the back, and if baby makes a peep the registrar can get them out.

    Personally, I don't mind babies, or noise during the ceremony. We've got 27 babies coming to the whole day; I think about 15 during the ceremony! Proper family occasion!

  • Echo SWEcho SW Posts: 72

    It's totally your choice to have children at your wedding or not; just like it's their choice whether they want to leave their six month old baby with someone else for the day, which it sounds like they don't.

    Unfortunately, when you implement a rule like that, you run the risk of excluding some parents from the wedding who, like your h2b's cousin, would rather not organise childcare. It sounds like they have spelled out their options - either the baby comes or just one of them does and since you don't want babies there, it seems like it will be the latter.

    Perhaps just say sorry, but you have good reason for not inviting babies and it will be a shame that they can't both come.

  • welshgracewelshgrace Posts: 1,224

    The whole children vs no children debate is completely a personal  choice.  However, I firmly believe in being fair and so that's either all or nothing (sometimes with the exception of the bridal party).

    How is your close cousin going to feel given that you've said no to her, but someone you barely know can bring theirs?

    I'm currently expecting and having planned a wedding I completely understand that our baby may not always be invited and would still do my best to attend.  I would be very bitter though if another child was there when I'd been told mine couldn't be (unless of course they are bridal party exceptions like I said earlier).

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