Another bridesmaid dilemma!

I know this is a common dilemma, but I'm currently having issues (mostly with myself!) about my bridesmaids.

We got engaged recently and I'm not the type of person who has their wedding all planned out. All I really knew is I didn't want a big bridal party. I have 3 cousins I am close to, 2 best friends who have been like sisters for the past 10 years and my sister. My H2B also has a sister. To keep things simple, I discussed the issues of numbers getting too big and told him I'd really only like my sister as a bridesmaid as it would mean a lot to her and me. I decided to make the others VIPs, i.e. They were bridesmaids in all but name, could come to dress fittings, wedding fayres, make invites etc, they just wouldn't all wear the same dress and walk up the aisle.

My cousins and best friends were fine with this. Future SIL and MIL were not. Lots of tears ensued and my H2B and I discussed. I said if it was important TO HIM, not his sister and mum, I would make her a bridesmaid, but he said no, it should be my choice. I said SIL can do a reading, be a witness, anything she would like to do. Phoned both MIL and SIL to explain situation and thought that was the end of it as they were both fine with the whole VIP situation.

Last night H2B got very upset. It turns out he thinks he hasn't thought it through properly and he would like his sister to be a bridesmaid, as he feels it's important for her to be involved in that way. Immediately I said of course, if he would like her to be a bridesmaid, she can be.

I have not slept. I know that is stupid, I am angry at myself for it. I keep rolling around very silly issues for example; I now have to tell my sister she is not the only bridesmaid, do I upset my cousins and best friends and tell them SIL has now been 'bumped up', do I make them all bridesmaids regardless of my desire for small bridal party, where do I find a dress that will complement my tall, broad shouldered sister and his tiny, ballet dancer sister, do I now have to change my plans of finding cheaper dresses as SIL is very fashion savvy? I do get on with future SIL well, it's just that we've only met a few times, the rest of the girls have been there for me for at least 10 years and I see very regularly.

Please tell me if I am being ridiculous and stupid, I will not be offended. I am not a girly girl and just don't see what the big deal is with walking down an aisle and wearing a matching dress!!


  • NuggyNuggy Posts: 527

    Firstly, you are not being ridiculous or stupid. You want a small party. Does fsil understand the duties that actually come with it? I doubt it, from what you've said I'd say she wants the nice dress and the attention. There's more to it than that and perhaps if you tell her everything you would expect of her it might put her off x

  • Thank you both for you both for kind words and help! 

    I think part of the problem at the moment is that FMIL and SIL live quite far away so feel like they are not involved, even though I keep telling them there is nothing to be involved with at the moment as the wedding is a whole year and a half away! 

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    You are not being ridiculous inthe slightest, and take it from someone who has ended up with a much larger wedding party than I wanted (seven bridesmaids, a flowergirl and a female usher!!), I wish I had stuck to my guns rather than melt to 'wedding party politics'!

    Your friends and cousins, I am sure, will be understanding of the situation, and continue to support you in their VIP roles - which, btw, I think is a fabulous idea! x

  • I agree with the other ladies, I dont think youre being silly either.  I want a small bridal party too. Initially I wanted just my daughter, but she will only be 8 and Im not sure if se ight feel a little daunted, so I have asked my friend aswell, whom I have known since I was 4 so she can keep an eye on my daughter. Ive toyed with the idea of asking my niece too, she'll be 4 at the time... but then that kind of opens it up to other people, SILs, nieces on h2bs side etc. So Im sticking with the small bridal party. However, if it meant that much to h2b I would ask his sister(s) to be bridesmaids as the weddingas it  is about the two of us and our families. Fortunately for me he's not at all bothered, but if I were to have them, they would have to just fit in to the plans and budget. I wouldnt change them because of the extra bridesmaids.
    With regards to the dress, why not get different style dresses but the same colour? That wahy people are less likely to comapre your sister to your SIL. Theres loads of companies that do that, then each bridesmaid can choose what style suits them best.

  • Um....I don't think your H2B get's a say in who you pick to be a bridesmaid.

    That's purely the brides decision. It's exactly the same for the groomsmen - if your husband only wanted his brother but then you tried to force him to take someone else that would be a shitty move.

    Traditionally bridesmaid's are from the brides family or circle of friends. I think you might just want to say to your husband that you do NOT want a large bridal party, and things are going to start getting ridiculously political. His sister can be involved in all sorts of ways, but not in the bridal party. And that really really is YOUR decision.

  • tinkymootinkymoo Posts: 419

    My h2b has 2 sisters and nieces. Non are my bmaids. I have 2 brothers. Non are his groomsmen. 

    Ok my brother im close to is giving me away as my 'dad' is a waste of space!. My other bro lives in usa and cant guarantee he can get here. U have who u want not who pleases everyone else, you will only regret it x 

  • MissKazMissKaz Posts: 51

    Your h2b could have her stand up on his side and be a grooms(wo)man - or even Best Woman - if he wants to include her, tell him to do that - that way you won't have to worry about offending other people and you get to have the small wedding party that you want.

    Hope you work it out image

  • Thanks everybody, it's brilliant to get some impartial advice image

  • i dont think you are being silly at all and i actually think its your choice entirly to have whoever you want as your wouldnt tell you h2b who to have as best man?

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