Forum home Emotional support

Problem families

Hi ladies, 

Literally never posted anything like this before but would really appreciate some advice. Even if it's to say that I'm being ridiculous!  Also not  sure if I've even posted this right but here goes nothing! 

Really unsure whether or not I'm overreacting but it feels as though no matter how much we do or change, none of my family seem to be happy with our wedding plans!

Firstly, my fiancé and I got engaged pretty quick (well quicker than most people seem to) which caused some criticism which I guess is only natural.

As I am no longer in contact with my father, I had asked my uncle if he would 'give me away'. He does have a daughter but I spoke to her beforehand and she was 100% supportive and doesn't mind that I wanted to ask him (he's also my godfather). Luckily, he was delighted that I asked him and seemed genuinely touched that I did ask him.

However, another member of my family - who also agreed that I should have asked my uncle - then confronted my uncle and expressed their true feelings where they felt it was completely  inapproriate and selfish of me to ask him and that he should never had agreed to walk me down the aisle before his own daughter. Don't get me wrong, this was similar to my initial thoughts and that's why I asked his daughter and sought advice before I went ahead and asked him. 

I've also had bespoke shoes made which my mum kindly bought me as part of a Christmas gift seen as we are pretty much skint lol! This same family member basically turned their nose up at them  and 'couldn't believe I was wearing those shoes to my wedding'. They also passed negative omments about them being a Christmas gift. 

There  have been other comments from this same person, some I know of and some I don't. 

Our venue  is quite intimate and has a special meaning to us both. It's not huge by any means and isn't a big fancy hall or hotel. I've just recently learned that my close cousins ventured out to see it and one of them informed me that the other had said that it 'looks like a pile of sh***'. Firstly I decided to forget it but it has been bugging the backside off of me. The more I thought about it the more annoyed I became. Anyway, I asked about this comment and they didn't deny it. Which I suppose some might think is a good thing - and I understand that everyone is entitled to their opinion - but we love this place and I think to refer to it as they have was just so rude! It's really hurt my feelings. 

Now that I've opened my mouth about it it seems that neither of them are happy and can't believe that I would bring it up or ask about it. 

Am I being ridiculous?

Thanks in advance for any replies and also if you take the time to read my big moan. Lol xxx

Posts

  • laurapjlaurapj Posts: 726

    d2bxxx - totally understand how you're feeling. My parents have turned their nose up at 90% of our decisions and I know how frustrating it can be. Luckily they've not been quite so hurtful about it but I know how it can play on your mind when you get negative responses.

    Frankly, I think your family are being extremely rude. Weddings are so personal that everyone is always going to have their own taste and own opinions on how they think things should be done, but they *should* know when to keep their mouths shut! Not everyone will like everything about your wedding, just as you probably won't like everything at other weddings you go to, so try to shrug off their comments and if I were you try to refrain from telling them too many details ahead of time to avoid rude remarks or criticism. That's how I've ended up tackling it - keeping details quiet as much as possible from people who aren't going to be fully supportive.

    As for your uncle walking you down the aisle, that decision is between you, him and his daughter (I think it was very gracious and thoughtful of you to ask her first by the way). Everyone else can butt out! You'll have a much nicer day if you follow your hearts and have the wedding you and H2B want without worrying about family members than if you let them influence your day into something else. Just try to ignore them xx

  • d2bxxxd2bxxx Posts: 3

    It really is frustrating. It's supposed to be a day for the bride and groom and the majority of the planning completely concerns  the guests! It really does. Theres bound to be people that don't  like aspects of the wedding, we all have our own taste  but for people to be so blunt about it. Especially family. It's so hurtful! 

    Thank you so much! It's so good to know that I'm not just being a typical 'bridezilla'. I really  needed to rant Lol. I am sorry to hear that you're experiencing a similar situation! 

    I hope that your parents come to terms with your plans. Maybe they're just finding it difficult that they're not planning it for you. Like when they organised birthday parties and the likes.  I think my mum struggled at first too, she has been very supportive. I just gently diverted any suggestions that I wasn't keen on and when we booked something I told her right away so that I didn't have to  say 'no' to any of her ideas. 

    Thanks again, really appreciate your reply! Xxx

  • laurapjlaurapj Posts: 726

    No you're not a bridezilla, they are guestzillas! haha!

    My mum is Catholic and very very traditional and old-fashioned, and I am none of those things, so my parents have found most of my ideas pretty wacky. We're just on totally different wavelengths! Always have been to be honest.

    Families, eh!? xx

  • NuggyNuggy Posts: 527

    lmao @ guestzillas....these 2 would be uninvited in a flash......how rude they are!

    I have lots of family issues too but if this forum is teaching me anything it's that we need to be selfish and do what we want because we sure aren't going to please everyone x

  • This is easy - well with the cousins anyway. Next time you speak to them just tell them you've been thinking really long and hard about their comments about your choice of venue...for your marriage...and you've decided that they have a point. You could never expect people as WELL MANNERED and CLASSY as them to even be seen in such a place, and therefore, you will not be asking for their attendance. Good day. Hang up.

    Do you really want those fuckers at your wedding anyway?

    Good riddance.

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    My MIL2B commented yesterday that she's worried she's going to feel embarassed when her friends and family come away from the wedding thinking it was rubbish, so I feel your pain hun...

    I'm just whistling through it and smiling sweetly, whilst screaming very nasty things at them in my head!

    It's YOUR wedding hun, no one elses (well, I guess the OH too!), and their opinions actually really aren't all that important!

    Your plans sounds lovely so far, so you carry on with them and try not to feel too pitying of the miserable buggers below you!  ;)

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    Ooh, and maybe tell that relative that another bride you know got her wedding shoes in a charity shop  ;)

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    families are such a pain in the ass! ignore them and if u r brave enough - uninvite them!

    weddings seem to bring out the worst in people! my MIL hated everything about my wedding and my gran inlaw went as far as publicly (at the wedding) shouting about how horrible my cake was to my mum - loud enough so that 3 tables of 12 ppl heard her just becoz she thought i had picked it and not my hubby (who actually picked it lol)

    do what u want, where u want its a celebration of the start of your marriage not anyone elses! and im sure it will be lovely anyway! theres just no pleasing some people and u will never please everyone - so dont! just please urselves!

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    On reading your post, I just thought how utterly rude people can be about weddings and how much " snob factor " seems to be involved!

    You were lovely to speak to your uncle's daughter about asking him to walk you down the aisle and as for your family member who showed their true colours and told your Uncle it was selfish of you - I'm sorry but I wouldn't have that person invited to your wedding under any circumstances and neither would I have your cousin for making that comment either - as you say people are entitled to their own opinions but they are also entitled to keep their mouth shut when it comes to making personal comments!

    I would say have people at your wedding who are genuinely happy for you and supportive of you!

    I speak from my own experiences as my mother has been nothing but rude to me about our wedding despite trying to ensure that our plans suit her and now her so called friend has also piped up, I am glad her friend has declined our invite! 

     

     

     

     

     

  • i think all weddings come with issues, and as i have learnt you will never please everyone!

    just do what you and your other half are happy with, enjoy your day and try and ignore everyone else, if you tried to please everyone, you would still upset someone!

    so just make sure you do whatever you want and your're happy x

  • kittiecatkittiecat Posts: 18

    some people can be really horrible when it comes to weddings! I think it's understandable you're upset. I would be too. I know things are being said behind my back as my circumstances are a bit unusual. It will be unlikely that I will have any family at my wedding as they live 5 hours away and my Grandpa and Mum are in poor health (long term). Plus my family are extremely anti social and would rather I'd eloped so they would prob do anything to avoid a wedding anyway, even mine. Well I know that OH's family have been talking about it and implying that my family don't love me or they'd come and I find it very hurtful. My family do love me very much but they just don't understand the fuss of a wedding. I'm pretty sure they would have made the effort for the ceremony had there not been so much poor health.

    MILtobe has also made comments about my colour scheme (pink and ivory) cause she's not keen on pink. Well tough, pink has always been my fave colour so it was a natural choice for me!

    I just choose to ignore negative comments. Yes I'm hurt my family wont be there but to me pondering on it wont do any good or change anything so what's the point? and as for anything else....OH and I are paying for the wedding all ourselves so as far as I'm concerned ours are the only opinion that really matters. I want everyone to have a good day and enjoy it but I'm not going to stress over it. I'm quite a laid back bride really!

    But back to you (sorry for hijacking!). I would ignore the nasty remarks. I wouldn't rush to disinvite them as that might cause further probs but I would rise above their remarks. Your wedding will be amazing because it's how YOU want it to be. It's your day at the end of the day xx

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    How rude! My first thoughts are that you explain that as they wont want to spend time at your "pile of s***"  venue they should not be expecting an invite.

    Remember these are two insignificant people who are probably jealous and want to get attention. Just shrug it off and don't give them an invite, as you have more important / supportive people you want to share your special day with.

    Also remember this is feedback from only two people, who you can easily distance yourself from. Surround yourself with those who are there for you. These people are not worth your time. 

  • d2bxxxd2bxxx Posts: 3

    Awk you are all so fab!!

    Thank you so much for all of your help and advise. I totally agree that it's really not worth it and they are only a select few. I'll just have to try and rise above it!

    I really appreciate all of your comments. It's so good to know that I'm not overdramatising everything lol. Or that it's not just my family that seem to be so problematic! Although I sympathise with you all and wish that I could return the favour but you all seem to have it pretty much figured out! 

    Again, I can't thank each of you enough!! xxx

  • It sounds like a bit of jealousy to me. Wedding really do show peoples true colours! I no longer speak to my dad, his wife (of 20 years) or any of their family. 

    H2B and I hadnt even spoke about getting engaged before herproposed, so it was a complete surprise when he did! I called my dad and his wife minutes after and before they could even say congrats they were asking me if their daughter was going to be a Bridesmaid! I shrugged it off and said i hadnt even thought about the wedding, let alone the bridal party. About a week later, i got another call from him asking if i had decided yet? By this point i had, and she was not going to be one. We don't have a relationship, we never have, she is too much like my dads wife (we call her the wicked step mother) who has always been extremely jealous and spiteful towards me since my dad married her (yes, 20 years ago! She cant let it go!).

    A few days later, a the wicked step mothers sister sent me a message on facebook (classy!) calling me all the names, and basically her neice was so devastated she wasnt a BM blah blah.... This girl is 14 - she doesnt even like dresses or the colour Pink - she didnt care, it was the spiteful family sticking their ore in! When the daughter messaged me (again on FB) she was quoting things that happened before she was born....... I was about 9? lol!

    I told her to call me...cos i knew she didnt have my number...and stop sending me childish messages on facebook. Then i was hurled with abusive FB messages & emails from her, the daughter & the wicked step mother - Not one phone call or face to face conversation. My dad let her carry on so i had no choice but to tell them where to stick it! I didnt want anything to do with him, her, their kids or their family..

    And i can honestly say, almost a year on I am so much happier without them in my life. They would have been far too opinionated and stressful to cope with. It had been building up for 18/19 years - I call it Karma, my dad will live to regret this - i hope it hurts, like they hurt me!

    Ok............I am now going to stop drinking anymore wine! image

Sign In or Register to comment.