h2b not pulling his weight!!

soo.. I need to vent this morning!! My h2b wants a big wedding, 100 guests for the ceremony and 75 more for the evening. I am shy, don't like being the centre of attention (to the point of having panic attacks in the past), hate having my photo taken, etc, but it means a lot to him, and I want to marry him, so that's what we're doing. The problem is, he is not helping at all with planning it!! And the one thing that he has done (order toilets - we're having a marquee in my parent's garden for the reception) has just fallen through. I've been reminding him to pay the deposit and talk to the company for ages, and he just hasn't done it! Now they have given the toilet's to someone else, and it seems like everyone is booked up, as its the busy season. I am so annoyed!!! I would have done it myself, but I've been moaning about him not doing anything, and he said he was doing this to show he is!!! And then messes it up and creates so many more problems as everywhere that has toilets left (not many places) is really expensive! I said we need to start making decorations the other day, and he starting cutting out bunting for literally half an hour, before declaring his fingers hurt!?!?! haha! What should I do?

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  • oh shit I've gone bridezilla haven't I? I can't believe I am annoyed about a toilet!!! haha!

  • herstoryherstory Posts: 1,268

    No your not bridezilla, he wanted high numbers and that many people need loo's, years ago at a family wedding they had portaloos for friends and the grooms family, the brides knew my grandparents back door was open and they had 3 loo's, but the men were restricted to the downstairs one, you had to take your shoes off to go upstairs. They could leave their back door open because their house was in the middle of nowhere.

    Do a budget show him:

    the extra cost for the new toilets

    the cost of getting bunting made

    I find money, and not spending it tends to help motivate guys!

    My H2B has done very little, at times he has told me I am over thinking things or to relax, I suspect you can guess my reaction! The only upside is he has been doing most of the housework, clearly that's preferable to wedmin!

    8 days left, he has resigned himself to having a 'bridezilla' on his hands for the next 7! image I don't think I am being, stuff just needs to be done!

    I will say it is me that wanted the big wedding, if he had wanted it I would have made him do much more towards it! 

    In your case would getting his mum/sister to give him a kick help? My H2B can ignore my 'nagging' he's had over a decade of it but he will get stuff done quickly to shut his mum up, and I know if I set mine on him it would be done instantly, although if my mum got involved I would have probably moved out and be staying at theirs, she is a very un-interfering MIL!

     

     

  • Weddin crazyWeddin crazy Posts: 1,743

    My husband was the same when planning ours, he loves leaving things til last min n hates planning. I ended up making a list of things to do tht week n stickin it up in sittin room n if they weren't done over the week we had to spend all Sunday busy. I also gave him his list of musts (rings, suits, speech) n left him to it. It got to a couple weeks before wedding and all of a sudden he realised he needed to start after my list was empty n he hadn't even looked at his.  Give him a list n a time frame then u don't have to nag but he has to do it. 

  • I just think he won't do it! And he won't tell me he hasn't done it either! I have to admit I am a bit of a control freak, and I don't want to turn up on the day and find out he hasn't bothered to get his ring! lol!

  • J14J14 Posts: 121

    Its very frustrating, I think after the proposal they think their part is over! We agreed we wanted a small wedding but now he keeps saying he wants cars, big cake etc etc at the same time not doing anything.  I'm the same as you I dont like being the centre of attention, and will not like the ceremony part, it will make me nervous. 

  • Spam88Spam88 Posts: 1,001

    Half an hour cutting out bunting is really good!  I spent a few weeks while my OH was away slaaaaving away making invitations.  He wanted me to wait until he was home before enveloping them up and posting them.  So I finished off the invitations by tying them with string, wrote the addresses on the envelopes, put them in the envelopes and applied a line of the glue stuff I'd bought to seal them, and then his part in the production line was to add a bit of double sided tape to the corners of the flap and seal them.  He managed two before he started off on a rant of "This is ****** stupid, why do we have to ****** do this?!  Five ******* minutes to do two envelopes!" etc etc.  He even, when I gave him my best glare, had the AUDACITY to say "And yes, I know, you've spent hours doing them" in his most sarcastic tone.  He's lucky there's still a wedding to invite people to.

    But yes, basically men are rubbish.  Even when they think they want to be involved in the planning, they don't actually.  Best to just leave them play on the xbox.

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    My OH has said he will sort the honeymoon, music and get addresses off his mates. None of these have been done. He was also meant to do the stationary but I just did it in the end as it was stressing me out.

    I agree that if you show him the impact on his wallet he is more likely to do something, but if you do give him a job to complete make it a job that you can do quickly and/or isn't very important to you.

  • JCL1JCL1 Posts: 129

    Ah I feel of you ladies' pain. The only thing I've asked for from OH was to get together the  addresses of his friends and family before the Easter weekend and then I would write all the invites (theres no way he would have written them). Easter weekend arrives and he had two addresses. He still hasn't sent all his out, but I've told him I don't want to hear about it when his side starts moaning when they think they haven't been invited, he just has to deal with it himself!

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