I love my H2B but the wedding is overwhelming

I do love my H2B to bits and can't wait to spend my life with him but the wedding is just overwhelming.... My MOH is a wedding planner and is just overwhelming with you need to pick a type of plate, a set of cutlery, glasses , this linen won't work with this... this looks rubbish with this.... you need to do your table plan (haven't even had rsvps yet) !  My H2B is doing absolutely nothing to help.  I'm also unemployed at the mo and trying to find a job, so when i do get one, i'm not exactly sure what i'm going to do with all the planning requirements.  My parents are trying to turn it really fancy and big.  My H2B wants a massive wedding and Im really rather unconfident and shy and just wanted to essentially elope?? H2B's parents are rather traditional and wanted a church wedding (something I didn't really want) and are demanding professional photographs, of me, H2B and they're entire family. I hate photos so picked a photographer who does natural photos as her main focus and limited group shots. I just feel like whole thing is becoming massively overblown and crazy.  I can't think of anything worse than walking down the aisle in front of over 100 and then everyone at the drinks, oh can i take your picture, oh you look lovely, its so lovely (half H2B's friends and I don't really get along) so I know the majority of these "compliments" are false. 

Whole thing is making me feel like I'm back-pedalling in deep water (if that even makes sense)

 

Apologies for the rant..... Just wondered if anyone else had these thoughts?

Posts

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    YES!!!!! i so wanted to cancel - the whole thing just wasnt my scene at all! i wanted to elope or just have a small relaxed day and it was a big wedding and such a waste of money! OH did noting to help and we both worked full time. and yes lots of fake compliments and people making the day about what they want!

    the choice is urs - you can either put ur foot down about stuff or just let it all happen - unfortunatly u will have to comprimise on stuff and OHs r generally useless at helping.

    i know it sounds bad but focus on ur honeymoon - its what i did - i couldnt wait till it was all over. it will help u get through, at the end of the day ur wedding is ment to b about u and ur OH but other people dont think like that :/

  • T 1608T 1608 Posts: 9

    Waste of money I agree with....  I agree with all of what you've said! I can't wait for Honeymoon, as the wedding is about OH, I can plan lots of things for honeymoon I like ... haha! x

  • Kay MoKay Mo Posts: 14

    Why do I think I might know you... You sound like my BF..lol

    Try and put your foot down.. the day is going to go by quickly.. and  it's yours and only yours to enjoy

  • T 1608T 1608 Posts: 9

    Haha I have learnt  a lesson from this to be more assertive. Got a Wedding planning meeting at the weekend with MOH Mum OH and wedding planner. and my dad! Fun times haha image

    Having the opportunity to vent on here is great!

  • i totally know where you're coming from, i get married in 3 weeks and im just counting down to.......THE HONEYMOON! nothing has been my choice really, and what has been choice has been dampened with negative thoughts or changed by inlaws, the only thing i chose was colours, my dress and bridesmaid dress and they are the only things that havent changed. everything else has chnaged and even MIL has bought the same colour as whats the ushers etc are wearing.

    i wasnt allowed to send invites out until 6 weeks before wedding as MIL said its not traditional, the list could go on and the tears will start again so i wont but i totally know where your coming from but like i say look forward to the honeymoon and the rest of your lives together, as thats the only thing getting me through the wedding day and all this stress. xx

  • MrsTaylorMrsTaylor Posts: 500

    I'm sorry you're feeling this way OP, it's a rubbish way to be feeling about your wedding image

    When are you getting married?

    I felt similar about mine, in that I am naturally a really shy person and I'm really nervous about all the focus being on me. For that reason, we've tried to make things more relaxed and less informal so it's all a bit more laid back so less of the focus will (hopefully!) be on me.

    Could you perhaps be really assertive and let moh/h2b/parents/inlaws know what you REALLY want? Maybe they are all getting so involved and making it so lavish as they think it's helping you? But if you explain how you actual feel, and what you actually want, they might realise they're overdoing it a bit?

  • Purple rainPurple rain Posts: 926

    I can undertand how you feel. Sometimes people make your big day there own. They want this that and the other. We had a full wedding booked in the uk.  edit. Sized 100 people. But it was costing a fortune to please others and not myself and h2b. In the end we cancalled and are now going abroad. It's yours and h2b day And try and keep it that way.  £££ down the line and a wedding booked you don't wNt you could end up resenting people. 

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    I am really sorry you are feeling over whelmed, have you told your partner how you feel? To be honest the day is up to the two of YOU not everyone else, so before the meeting you really need to sit down with him and explain what you want. We came up with a short list of musts and desirable things  and worked from there. You really need to say something or you will look back with regret.

    Don't look back and think it wasn't what you wanted. Fine he wants a big wedding but realistically is he going to help out? The less you spend on the day the more you have for your honeymoon and building your lives together. Best to be honest but I really would say something to your OH so you both can make the decisions at the meeting rather than being taken over by others who mean well.

  • I suggest telling your H2B is he wants a big wedding, he is the one who is going to plan it. "Here is the budget. If you go over I will kill you in your sleep. Go have fun now planning the wedding. I don't want a big wedding, so I'm sure as hell not organising one". At least then even if you end up with a wedding you don't really want, you haven't gone through the stress of planning it.

    You might also find that suddenly h2b isn't too bothered about a big wedding when he realises how much work is involved.

    It sounds like the wedding planner in your family is trying to be helpful by telling you about stuff that you might not yet have thought about. If you get along with them, perhaps you might want to sit down with them and actually go through what you WANT. If you don't care about linens matching plates, then tell them. If you care very much about food, stress you want to focus on that. And be clear about budget. If you give them direction, they might actually end up being very helpful. I imagine as a planner they have lots of contacts in the industry and might be able to get you some decent discounts.

     

  • heliganedenheliganeden Posts: 1,848
    T 1608 wrote (see)

    Haha I have learnt  a lesson from this to be more assertive. Got a Wedding planning meeting at the weekend with MOH Mum OH and wedding planner. and my dad! Fun times haha image

    Be assertive by first off telling your MOH, mum and dad that they don't need to be at the meeting with the wedding planner!!!

    Put your foot down, it's making it more stressful than it needs to be, the wedding is yours and your H2B's - nobody else needs to be this involved, no wonder you're stressed out!!!

    I didn't want a big wedding either, my OH did want a church wedding, so we compromised and went abroad but had a church service - tell everyone else to back off, you do not need their opinions on cutlery/table cloths/table plans etc image

    Could you give your MOH a specific  job that's hers to arrange, and say that since this is the only time you & your OH get to arrange your wedding, you'll do it with him alone??

  • I feel the same. Although I am quite a confident person I love to organise everything in my life however recently after wanting loads of people at the Church to watch the big entrance.....I am starting to feel quite sick about the whole thing now. I mean there are guests there that have to be there and some that I really want there. So I know some of them will have to say you look lovely even though at the end of the day they will be saying completely the opposite. 
    There are also a lot of issues that have not been talked about with the In laws which is making me nervous about the big day especially the future sister in law having her own opinion on how things are meant to be and ''what have I MADE my h2b wear' which is ridiculous as he has chosen what he wants and so have I.
    Also we are just having immediate family to the meal as I only really have two sisters and their families and my mother and father. But on the h2b side he has more family that I have been asked to invite even though they don't really speak to them much. My h2b actually keeps getting his cousins name wrong I have to correct him! lol 
    There are some things I feel like I am having to try to please everyone and really I think we both just want to elope......about three times we have thought about just going away and doing it quickly. 

    I think you have to be firm but its hard not to cause arguments! xxx

  • I am feeling exactly the same! I went all bridezilla to start with and now we have less than a year to go, the only bit i am excited about is the honeymoon! Im not shy, but im not overly confident either. One i thing i cannot tolerate is fake people - im pretty good at reading people and I know there will be many false smiles and compliments whilst people are eating and drinking at our expense!! H2B and I are fortunate that we have good jobs and are paying for our wedding ourselves, but everyone seems to think we have pots of money are having this huge massive wedding. I have already has people ask about an open bar etc.......It makes me feel nervous, anxesty and just like i dont want to go through with the whole thing! I wanted a vegas or beach wedding with just us 2....but h2b wanted his grandparents there so we had to compromise.

    Just think Honeymoon... Relax, unwind, no inlaws, Sun, Sea & S** image xxx

  • Spam88Spam88 Posts: 1,001

    Can I just add to this...I don't think anyone who says to you that you look lovely will then be bitching behind your back that you look a state!  I've never been to a wedding where I thought the bride looked anything other than beautiful image

  • Spam88Spam88 Posts: 1,001

    Also, "you need to pick plates"?  Pfft...As long as there's tasty food on them, I couldn't care less lol.

    My friend had a bit of a plate situation actually.  They had a little wedding, 18 people in total, hired a cottage for the weekend and we had the breakfast there (they got caterers in).  Normally the caterers would provide all the plates, cutlery, glasses etc and take them away with them, but his family had family china (and ivory image) that they were insisting on being used.  Which meant the morning after the wedding was spent mostly doing dishes...

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