Forum home Emotional support

Mini rant time - hen do!

I knew this would happen - I just did! - you announce the hen do and people say oh course yes I will come - it's only a meal and drinks after, so nothing fancy at all but now starting to get people pulling out a week beforehand which I think is pretty crap - ok people have got valid reasons such as childcare and lack of money but I must admit, it does grate and it is a regular thing on these boards!


  • Purple rainPurple rain Posts: 926

    I had 25 for my hen do. one of then hen dos was a party night at village hotel £35 which inc your drinks all night a disco and buffet. We live nearby so a taxi shared was around 2 quid. I thought this was a bargain really. You had to pre pay for tickets and I still had 5 people drop out for various reasons. i think its part and parcel of weddings. its just not high up on peoples lists so you will get ones dropping out. Same might happen with the wedding. 

    Just enjoy it for what it us. you will have a fab time with the people that do make the effort to go. It's what you make of it. 

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    There certainly won't be anywhere near 25 for the hen do purple rain and you're right you had a bargain there!

    We had people coming from all over but we gave everyone a choice of dates etc and I know it's just typical - we've actually had additions to our wedding so at least something is going in the right direction! I just needed a bit of a grumble about it as i know that even with a small number of us we will have a good night so the ones not coming will definitely miss out! 

  • Spam88Spam88 Posts: 1,001

    I asked for deposits for my hen in the hope that people would commit - I've only lost one so far lol.  To be honest, on my friend's hen do the other week there were 18 of us and it was arguably too many... You can't speak to everyone when you're sitting down eating anyway.

  • MrsG23MrsG23 Posts: 231

    Ditto - except the people pulling out include the MIL and SIL (who is a bridesmaid).. IOW festival on 12th June including glamping in a HUGE tipi with showers and rugs and tables... 3 weeks to go and they tell me they havent bought their tickets and wont be coming. FAB. after ive paid £800 out my own pocket for the tipi... SO annoying!?

  • VicNVicN Posts: 1,352

    I have about 24 people due to come on mine, hoping everyone will come. My bridesmaids have given people options - lots of us are doing cocktail making, a meal, night out and stay in a hotel (the cocktails and hotel have been paid for already and I have 14 people staying at the hotel). I then have another 10 or so that are going to do cocktails and meal for definite, maybe the night out depending on the time, and getting the last train home. 

    The hotel and cocktails have been £75 and it's already been paid so hopefully that will stop people from dropping out! Should be guaranteed 14 at least anyway! I've had one friend who said no to start with, then said yes later on for the cocktails and meal but tonight apologised and said no again. I do understand - I know she'd be there like a shot if she could be but she's a bit older than me and has 3 children and various things have come up which has meant she just can't afford it. Will do something like a DVD and takeaway night with her or something image

    I'm crossing my fingers as I once, and once only, organised a meal at a nice restaurant for people from work as everyone was complaining that we never do anything outside of work together like we used to. 19 people signed up. 8 people came. Felt a right idiot ringing the restaurant again to tell them about the dramatic reduction in numbers! 

  • I have the same worry as you. I'm going to a burlesque show in Brighton, we have only paid £10 deposit but its like £70 on the day but that price includes a 3 course meal. But we have also paid £65 each on accommodation,

    But one of my friends (his my gay best friend and is the only male invited) but  his boyfriends is so paranoid and he asked me if he was coming to my hen night and I said no and he was annoyed. But I'm not making an exception because his gay, everyone else is in relationships not one of the ladies coming is single and no one else'a partners have complained.

    But I have spoke to my friend since and his implied it's caused a bit of problems and doesn't know if he can come now. My hen isn't until august but if he tells me now I cab cancel his place but if he leaves it till closer the time I'm worried we will Have to cover the £70 of his meal as it says cancelations need to be made a week before at the latest. But could not refund him for the hotel. 

    My biggest worry is because this has happened before. Basically before they started going out all our friends decided to go to reading festival (as we met at uni and live all around the country so meeting up is sometime difficult). We all paid the £50 deposit for the ticket. He then started going out with his guy and then when everyone was paying off their ticket price he said he wasn't coming now. He was the only one not to come.  

    It's a shame that people just don't evaluate their finances before committing or in my case consulting their partner before hand. But you will have a great time on your hen night regardless of who's there so try not to let it get to you.

  • lawveelawvee Posts: 1,378

    Oh no see I'm one of those ones that did drop out!

    I was supposed to be going up to Newcastle for a friend's hen do and paid for flights and everything....then fell pregnant...which really wouldn't have stopped me from going although I would have had to disguise not drinking but was so sick in the first 12 weeks and ended up fainting two or three times that I couldn't bear the thought of being away from home and being ill when nobody would have known why.

    I did still pay for my share of the rented house though and paid the extra money for the table at the nightclub so completely covered my share of all the expenses.

    I would have been so annoyed if it had been my hen night but I've only just realised that I was one of the those annoying drop-outs now!

  • emzlooemzloo Posts: 53

    i am in the same situations and its really deflating and bugging me to high the point im like if you cant come on my hen due then your not coming to wedding.. my hen is more stressful than the actually wedding...

    people should not say yes then say no its wrong.

    however it always sivs out the bad people and shows your real friends.

    i understand people have commitments and money problems but they have all had 1 year to pay 100 x

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    Lawvee - you have a really good excuse!

    What gets me is the ones who get fussy about the dates and make some demands then say it will be ok and then they are the ones that pull out when stuff has been changed to suit them.

    Ours is not going to be an expensive night - the meal is at a meze restaurant so we will share a lot of the food but the numbers have halved and there wasn't a huge amount of us out in the first place! 

    I could ask other people to come but I really wanted to keep it to close friends who all know each other!

  • mrshughes2013mrshughes2013 Posts: 2,063 New bride

    It happens unfortunately Hun I had 20 invited 12 said yes this went down to 10 when it came time to book, it went down to 8 which then caused a problem as one said yes definitely coming I booked the hotel and paid her room as she said she couldn't afford it til after I needed to pay and then she told me she couldn't come! 

    What did I do? I made her pay me every penny! I had already paid double what everyone else had due to someone else dropping out so I wasn't letting her get away with it and she paid me back £10 a week until it was all paid back!

Sign In or Register to comment.