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Do we all have a BM like this?

Do we all have a BM like this?

I get married in a little over 2 months and albeit I have been planning for 2.5 years but I thought my BM would now be getting a little excited and enthusiastic about the wedding but she just isn't. She never asks how things are going, she's never free when we're trying to arrange fittings and hair trials and I've had to arrange separate hair trials for her and my other BM because of this. It's my hen do in 2 weeks time and there's nothing being mentioned about that. It's starting to become an issue as my other BM is noticing her lack of interest and flexibility and that is causing a little tension.

I was BM for her and we talked non stop about the wedding and her hen do and where she was at etc and I just thought it would be the same now she's BM for me. I start to feel guilty if I do try and talk about things because I think she just doesn't want to hear it.

Anyone else had this? 


  • MrsC2bXXMrsC2bXX Posts: 16

    I've definitely experienced this! I get married next Saturday, and one of my bridesmaids is STILL not showing the slightest bit of interest, or has even tried her dress on after the alterations! It's got to the point where it was really getting me annoyed, and I thought I don't need this stress. If the dress doesn't fit her, that's her fault!

    My other bridesmaids have been brilliant, and so helpful. I was bridesmaid for this friend when she got married a few years ago, and like you said, it was totally different when it was all about her! Some people just don't like it when they're not centre of attention. Try relax about it all, if you can't, maybe you should try have a chat with her about it?

    Hope you manage to sort it x


  • Thanks MrsC2bXX my other 2 BM's have been great, they're enthusiastic, excited for me and chit chat about the wedding all the time. It's just hurtful to see that she's not bothered, it's not like she even asks just to be polite, she just doesn't ask at all. I think I'm just feeling down about it more so today than most. I don't think I'd be able to mention it to her really so I'll just have to try and not let it bother me. I just expected my excitement for her day to be reciprocated for me.

  • Victoria25Victoria25 Posts: 250

    I completely understand!  I have a BM who loves being centre of attention but can also be a very negative person.  These two things together have proved an absolute nightmare and while I love her to bits outside of wedding stuff its very wearing!!

    When we all went out for afternoon tea to discuss all things wedding she just talked about her friend who is getting married abroad next year. One of the other BMs kept trying to bring the conversation back to my wedding but it just didn't make a difference.  Needless to say I wasn't very happy afterwards.

    I now only talk about the wedding to her if she brings it up or I absolutely have to.  Otherwise it's just a conversation that will needlessly get me stressed and annoyed!

    Good luck with your BM! x

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    I have a BM 'on strike' because I was her MOH but I haven't asked the same of her... *rolls eyes*

  • wow a BM on strike that's not great but also a little silly. I don't think i'll talk about weddings to her unless it comes up just for an easier life really and to save me being disappointed anymore. Like you said Victoria25 outside of wedding stuff I love her to bits and we are best friends, I think that's why it bothers me so much more!

  • Jasmin77Jasmin77 Posts: 4

    I'm having a similar issue with my sister in law to be, she is only 18 so I'm kind of excusing her rudeness, and she's very close to my h2b so I'm wondering whether she's jealous somehow. I'm beginning to realise from other friends that some people are just very self centred and can't cope with the attention being on somebody else. Try not to take it personally and understand its their issue for being such a bad sport! 

  • JB2013JB2013 Posts: 115

    I have my best friend of 12 years as my MOH, my sister and OH's sister as BMs and OH's cousin as a junior bridesmaid. They're all being fab apart from my sister who keeps making remarks that she's not MOH!! Trouble is she thinks she can get away with being difficult.

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    I've been married before and out of my 4 bridesmaids then - 3 of them although reasonably interested in the wedding were not very helpful either before or during the day and one was just downright obstructive about everything possible from the hen do as she objected to 1 other person coming to what there would be to eat at the reception for her children - however, my 4th bridesmaid was an absolute superstar legend - she was super helpful and just fab and guess what she's my bridesmaid again.

    There are people who can be very selfish and me me me about YOUR day and you can do one of 2 things here - either zone out and accept that they aren't as interested as you or don't have them fulfilling the role in the first place!

  • emzlooemzloo Posts: 53

    yes yes yes !!!!  i have the exact problem image

  • In all seriousness, is there any reason why this woman is still even on the bridesmaid's list? If you have two other girls that have been really helpful and great, then just hold onto them, and meet the other girl for coffee. Just tell her that whilst you appreciate she has her own life and lots of personal commitments, you are tired of her never showing any interest in the wedding, or being of any personal support to you whatsoever. You were there for her wedding, and she isn't reciprocating. You can say that she's obviously still welcome to come to the wedding, but you are dropping her as a bridesmaid.

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