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Family sticking their nose in

I am having a big 3 day Indian wedding extravaganza. when I tell most people this they are amazed and tell me how lucky I am. and I know, I am lucky- 3 entire days to celebrate. The problem is if me and OH had it our way, we would have had a tiny civil registry ceremony somewhere. I have gritted my teeth and have been doing what's been expected of me for about a year now. With only 6 weeks to go however I just feel like suddenly everyone keeps butting and giving their opinion (which is generally that I should be doing things I would rather not spend money on) (for the record, both sets of parents are paying for the majority of the wedding(s!). it could clean us out otherwise). I have got to the point where I feel so frustrated by constant opinions and criticisms about the way I am doing things (basically, I have agreed to a big indian Wedding for 400, as well as a typical 'English wedding' for a smaller number of 150). considering I don't want any of this anyway am I being really ungrateful in wishing I didn't have to do and plan (and spend all my free time!) this wedding? I am so excited to be getting married to my OH (who incidently has a tiny family and doesn't really understand the need for a big wedding) but I am trying to control my internal anger and frustration that things aren't the way I want it- 'it is about 2 families coming together' I am told, rather than me and OH. Any thoughts?


  • herstoryherstory Posts: 1,268

    I planned my wedding while a colleague was basically having her big Indian wedding 650 plus guests planned for her, like you it is over 3 days.

    Her budget was many times mine but her parents were paying this meant she had less say in many things, she also had to say no to taking responsibility for planning some things an delegate to others, she actually had a wedding decorator she spend hours with, compared to me and my DIY insanity!

    I think you have to start drawing boundaries and ignore opinions when you can or say to the person giving it do you want to organise that element. and I know my colleague put her energy into the bits she had control and a say about, and just let others do the rest meaning she only picked it up if someone had dropped the ball, like not booking the marquee for the pre-wedding party the day before the wedding!

    Do drag your h2b into the planning and in for support when people are pushing their opinions. I will also add pick your battles, I know my work colleague did, or she could have fallen out with a lot of people, I was amazed how even extended family were pushing for her to organise stuff for them, she just said no, but was aware her parents didn't like to offend anyone so was having to deal with things her mum had said yes to.

    I actually feel sorry for you having to do a traditional Indian and UK wedding seems like a nightmare, means you don't get to skip the annoying bits like a table plan for the English bit, my colleague was initially what is a table plan then I explained and she said due to numbers that wasn't something she had to do luckily.

    I would be tempted to delegate where you can, and don't worry about the small stuff concentrate on the stuff for you and your hubby and the bits that matter to you both.

    Or have a 'bridezilla' meltdown about all the pressure your under and see who steps up image

  • Little JulesLittle Jules Posts: 1,538

    Maybe sit down with H2B and figure out what your 'red lines' are - things that you are certain about. Then pick your battles, give in on some things so you can be firm about others. Ultimately these things are always difficult once you've started on the traditional route because there's lots of expectations, but hopefully you can figure a happy compromise.

  • TLTL Posts: 26

    I really feel for you. I know what it is like to have people making comments - not always helpful and demanding / questioning things.

    I'm in a slightly similar position. I am Indian and my H2B is not. I really wanted to encorporate both cultures, so we are having church ceremony in the morning and Hindu blessing in the afternoon on the same day rather than drag it out. I have put my foot down to the whole week build up for the hindu ceremony and size of the wedding. We are having no more than 100 day guests and an extra 50 in the evening.

    As much as I think a few aspects of the lead up would be good to have, I think it would just get out of hand. I can't wait to my my H2B , but have to admit the last few months have been the most stressful. The only thing that keeps us going is knowing we will go back to normality and a fab honeymoon!!

    I think the best thing to do is to try and remain calm. Just think the next 6 weeks will fly by - then you can get on with the rest of your lives and do what you wantimage




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