postponing wedding?

Hello,

Having a bit of a crap time. My Dad has been really unwell, and has just started taking daily chemotherapy tablets. He is taking these daily for six months. He's doing okay at the moment; no side effects yet, but he has only been taking them for a couple of weeks. He feels better in himself too, and the symptoms from his illness seem to be fading (he has an autoimmune disorder - found out two weeks ago as it caused a stroke which led to the diagnosis).

We're supposed to be getting married in August, and are having the wedding reception at my parents house. It's a lot of stress, and we were thinking of postponing the wedding, but it's really important to my Dad that it carry on as planned. The thing is, I am really worried about doing it. We can't visit him if we are unwell, and I just think having so many people around him (175ish guests) is too risky, and also, we've still got a couple months to go and I don't want him to be feeling too unwell by then to enjoy the day. I feel too much stress to carry on with it, but I don't want to postpone it if he doesn't want me to. The other thing is that I have just had a miscarriage, which may be related to all the stress. I'm not feeling very weddingy at the moment. Actually, I'm feeling really crap, and I don't want to be worrying about lace and bunting on top of everything else.

I was just wondering whether anyone else has known people undergoing chemo, and whether they were able to attend large events? I know that everyone's experience of it is different, but any insight would be really helpful.

Thanks

Posts

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    I so sorry to hear about everything that you are going thorugh at the moment *massive bear hugs*

    It is obviously important to him to keep everything running as normal as possible - is there a way to maybe reduce the size of the wedding right down so that it is just a small intimate affair in August, and then hold an 'unofficial' bigger party when you and your family are better ready for it? It might be that your dad is worried that if you don't do it now, then he may not see it happen at a later date.

    That way it's not a massive stress on anybody (you really need to try and rest yourself at the moment too), your wedding still goes ahead as planned (but on a smaller scale) and those memories are still made  x

  • That is exactly what I want to do. Have close friends and family for a little ceremony (and tell them that if they are poorly, not to come), and then have the wedding we've planned next year - my other half thinks it would be fun do that, and we can have a friend perform the 'ceremony' next year.

    I feel like I'm about to have a breakdown to be honest. There is so much to think about, I am just not coping. I've been signed off work now too, so even though I'm sitting around doing nothing, I'm still worrying myself silly.

    The other thing that I didn't say before is that we've had to lend my parents a lot of money - more than double the wedding budget, as Dad can't work now, and was getting taken to court due to the problems with finances. We now have no money, and I don't have a clue how we will pay for everything! We would have to get a loan, but we've maxed out our credit cards paying their bills, so I don't know if we will get one, as they look at stuff like that. Dad has a property for sale (he is a property developer) so when that sells they can pay us back, but there is no way they will have the money by August... but then I don't want Dad to feel guilty for us cancelling for that reason either!  

    Long walk off a short cliff time I think!

     

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    Oh you poor thing! No wonder you've been feeling so stressed hun  image

    Right, we can sort this! What still needs paying for? If you look at it from a reduced guest list/affair point of view, what costs do you have?

  • MrsSharkMrsShark Posts: 861 New bride

    I'm so sorry you're feeling rubbish. I think downscaling your wedding definitely sounds like the best thing. It would be such a shame to call it off, but big weddings are stressful and you could do without that stress at the minute. As LeaMarie says...could your budget stretch to accommodate a smaller wedding? 

  • yeah we could do a smaller wedding; if we do the big one next year, we hopefully could still use the caterer and marquee, then we wouldn't lose the deposit (I hope) - if not, we still have most of the cost of them (about £4000 ish) to pay for them (if we were to use them). The wedding venue is only £350, and we've paid a deposit, so there wouldn't be much there at all, got the dress, bridesmaids dresses etc; we wouldn't have anything to pay really if we downsized it, and we could just do a bbq in the afternoon for the people who come to the wedding (will have to be careful not to get anything down my dress though, if I'll be wearing it again next year!).

    I do want to downsize, but I don't know whether I should, as I don't want Dad to feel bad that we had to lend them the money, or that I'm not having the wedding because he is poorly.

    Mum is going to speak to the consultant on Tuesday about whether he can be around that many people while having the chemo, or whether it is too much of a risk. I guess that'll be the decider on whether it goes ahead..

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    I'm sure that your dad won't feel guilty if you just explain to him that it yours and H2B's decision that you want a smaller affair this year (aside from his health and finances, your own health is important here sweet). 

    If both you and H2B are agreed that it is best for you (and with the financial worries, I really do agree that it is the best option all round) then you should do that - your parents will respect your decision x

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    Explain the situation to the caterer and marquee people (and venues) and ask if you can arrange for a date next year instead - I don't think many places would give you hassle

  • Yeah. I think it will be a relief to postpone it. Thank you xx

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    You're more than welcome hun... Weddings are supposedly one of the most stressful times of our lives, and with everything else that you have going on, I think it best to step back for a little while x

  • Mrs pickleMrs pickle Posts: 319

    I can sort of sympathise with you, my dad has just been diagnosed with cancer and we're getting married abroad in August. At the moment he's still undergoing tests so we don't know what the next step will be and I too felt like I was going to have a breakdown last week. I dont feel like I have the option of postponing it as our guests have paid a hell of a lot of money out in flights and accommodation and I just couldn't do that to them. However if the wedding was going to be here, I really do think we either would have or downscaled it (as it would be a lot bigger in this country).

    do what YOU want to do x

  • Its so difficult. I've spoken to my parents again today, and we are postponing the whole thing til next year. They were actually relieved, think that's what they have wanted but didn't want to ask! I feel such relief now; I didn't realise how worried I was about it.

    Mrs Pickle, I'm sorry about your Dad, I hope he'll be okay.

    xx

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