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Bridesmaid being tricky

This is just a silly one but thought someone might have a pearl of wisdom for me. My wedding is in two weeks and one BM doesn't have shoes yet. When we bought the dresses I raised a concern about the length of her dress as she is quite tall and it didn't quite touch the floor as it should. Both BMs loved the dresses and really wanted them (even though I had a few minor reservations I wanted them to be happy so went with it) so we discussed how she might need to wear a flat or low heel to keep it on the ground and she seemed totally fine with that because she was super excited about the dress. That was also going to work out well because me and my sister who is the other BM are quite petite so it would even us out a bit. Since then, however, she has done a u-turn on wearing flats (not even flats but a low, 2-3" heel which I also suggested) continuously saying how they hurt her feet and make her stand funny and etc etc etc. I don't want her to feel unhappy but I also want things to look 'just so'. Ultimately I our friendship has to be priorotised over the dress length, I just feel a bit disappointed that she's making quite such a meal of it and putting me in the position where I either have to back down or insist (I will back down of course). Anyone else been through something similar and can offer some advice on how to handle? I'd really rather not be worrying about this so close to the wedding!! xxx


  • Ps I already tried the 'just wear them for the service and the photos and then wear something fabulous in the evening' route x

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    It sounds to me that you have been quite reasonable, but she does have to remember that the wedding day is yours. You have compromised in areas to keep her happy, and it shouldn't be an issue for her to wear the shoes you want for the short ceremony and photos.

    She is being very selfish and needs to be poked in the eye!

    Stick to your guns hun - she may know that you will back down so pushing it further but it may shock her if you push your point. It is your wedding, not hers.

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    my bm who was also my SIL done this to me - whole family actually turned against me and it made the dress look silly on the day as there was a big gap from the bottom of her dress to the floor - 2-3 inch heels only highlight that and makes the dress look odd.

    unfortunatly i think u just have to tell her you want her in flats for the photos end of.

  • Little JulesLittle Jules Posts: 1,538

    Can you find some v low heels? Otherwise maybe if she tries the dress with heels and it doesn't look good maybe she'll change her mind!

  • Spam88Spam88 Posts: 1,001

    Oh I had like a 6 month battle with my MOH over this.  She even used lines like "I'm not even sure I know how to walk in flats anymore...hmmm".  I told her she seems to manage perfectly fine barefoot so I'm sure she'll be fine.  I'm not going to be there when she has her dress fitting though, so I'm still not convinced she won't go rogue and not get the dress taken up enough and then claim there's nothing she can possibly do except wear massive heels so that the dress is the right length.

    It sounds like you've been perfectly reasonable and have done everything I would've done. I think you just need to keep telling her that that's what you need her to wear for the ceremony and photos and then she's welcome to change if she's uncomfortable.

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    Have you pointed out that your concern is that she might look stupid if the hem isn't long enough and that she agreed to wear flats?

    You could say you don't want to look / feel dumpy on your wedding day (play the 'take pitty' card) if she is a friend she would care about how you feel.

    Hope all goes well. You have been more than reasonable and its a shame she is abusing it. 

  • Did you resolve this in the end? You could try being blunt and just saying "you are so lovely and tall compared to us other shorties that you are going to stand out like a giraffe in a field of sheep if you wear big shoes. Please just wear a pair of flats for godssakes. You might not care, but the rest of us don't want to be towered over any more than we usually are!"

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