I can't take much more...

I have reached my breaking point, after months of planning and only 4 days to go I am an emotional wreak. I even spent hours trying to talk OH into cancelling the wedding and eloping as I can't cope any more.

Here are but a few of the things that have happened in the last week.

My parents are divorced and barely on speaking terms so the plan was that my mum was going to take me to the church and my dad walk me down the aisle. My dad has now decided he wants to come to the house before the wedding and wait outside so he can come in the car. This left my mum with no way to get the the church - result is we've had to spend an extra £200 on another car. I think this was my aunts doing as he told me she would bring him to the house, she can drop him off but I will not have her stepping foot in my mums house.

I'd like to say that said aunty has only spoken to me when I have called her,  I have not seen her in 12 months and she threatened that non of my dads family (including her) would be coming to the wedding as I wasn't able to accommodate the 16 cousins, partners and kids on her side and proceeded to stir the pot by asking my dads wife (the woman he left my mum for) how many people were coming on my mums side to get her way.

Had to speak to dads wife who has proceeded to hurl abuse down the phone at me for 30 min solid (I didn't interrupt) about:

  • how disrespectful I have been to my father and how upset he is that I haven't included him in the wedding planning - every time I have asked his opinion on something he has said he doesn't know, it's up to me and I have let him have his say and organise the things he wanted like chair covers (I wasn't going to have them), choosing the wine etc
  • how I haven't told him anything - yes I have he just doesn't pass it on to you, I told him 2 months ago where the flowers will be the morning of the wedding
  • my aunty should be coming with me from the house with my dad??!!!!!
  • my aunty is worried about her flowers - I let this slide but she is in for a shock as I haven't ordered her any, we're keeping it to immediate family parents only
  • that I should have asked her parents to the wedding as they are my dads in laws?!

and to top it all she kept saying 'as he's paying for the wedding' but he's not, yes he gave us some money towards it but myself and OH have saved for this, my mum, grandma and OH's parents have all contributed to this. I felt like saying if the money was only for control and his say then he can have it back (we've kept it separately from the wedding fund) as we paid for it without his money. The sad thing is my dad will probably never know about her rant and would be deeply upset if I returned the money, I told him all along that we didn't need him to pay and he said that was okay and to put it towards something else (a house deposit). 

I've had a phone call from FMIL who kindly offered to make the cake to say that the icing won't go smooth so she has ribbed the entire cake but not to worry it'll look fine when she's finished. So I'm not getting the perfectly smooth plain iced cake we asked for (it was only plain as I wasn't convinced anything else would turn out as it can be quite hit and miss with her designs) instead from google images all I can see are cakes that personally I don't like.

I'm sorry for the long rant, I guess I just want to know if I'm being silly and overly emotional over this? 

Posts

  • MrsMnowMrsMnow Posts: 463

    Well... I can understand what your saying we pretty much had the same thing with my family, parent divoriced, new wife to my dad was my mums best friend and although they all said they will be fine, i wasnt convinced, so anyway push forward to the wedding, everything was fine!  or so I thought, aparently there were crossed words as i didnt ask E to come to the house before the wedding, there was no traditional top table for E to sit on, i didnt invite any of E's family (well i actually did but they declined), her gift (which i didnt have to get but did) simply said E+++++ thanks for all your help, instead she was upset because it didnt more, i actually think she wanted me to put Step Mum!! nor my dad or E have spoken to me since my wedding in July althoguh i have called round/left messages/texted!

    Your not overreacting, its YOUR wedding not theirs and i would just try to ignore them, esp the aunt, you have chosen the way you want YOUR day and it has nothing to do with the.

    The cake trust me when i say on the actual day you wont cake that the cake is not quite right, look into your husbands eyes and that's what really matters, love between two people - sod the rest of themimage

  • Thank you MrsMnow. It's great to hear that your wedding went well and you are right it is about me and OH and not anyone else.

    We're not having the traditional table as I didn't want to put anyone through that (including myself).

    I haven't bought her a gift I probably should have but I wouldn't even know what buy her. We've had such a rocky relationship she has even told me and my dad that I didn't care about my dad when he was diagnosed with cancer I was only interested in the money if he died! I have spoken to him pretty much every day since he left 9 years ago, then was no different. I have only maintained any sort of relationship with her for my dads sake.

    Oh just one more thing to add to my list, I hurt my foot last week and it's all swollen and I can't fit my foot in my lovely wedding shoes image

     

     

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    nobody will notice the cake - infact from a distance it will prob look smooth and migth actually look better?

    as for family - stick to your guns. say im sorry that you feel this way but thats how its going to happen etc. you day will be perfect - unfortunatly yes they will bitch about u and they will moan and there will prob b a few agruments or cross words however you will not care one little bit! (i still have not spoken to my  inlaws after their appauling behaviour at my wedding in feb - i never knew the half of it on the day and had a great time despite them)

    so call, text, e-mail, whatever and tell them all that u want it that way - if they r offended/upset then they know where they can ram it etc then turn off all communication or block them for a 2 days - and try to enjoy so time away from it all

    its their problem - not urs! try to relax i know its hard and stressful right now.... maybe go for a drink with a friend or cinema and movie with OH? just something to get ur mind off everything?

  • MrsMnowMrsMnow Posts: 463

    I only brought her a engraved wine glass from ebay, pre-engraved, it was more of a gesture and not to upset my dad, although in hisight i wish i hadnt bothered.

     

    Hyrodgirl is right - its their problem and leave them to it

  • Spam88Spam88 Posts: 1,001

    Have you tried taking some ibuprofen to bring down the swelling on your foot?

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    Sounds like this is mostly caused by your Aunt- winding up your step-Mum and Dad... planting seeds and enjoying the drama. I wouldn't bother speaking to your Aunt or Step-Mum if they don't respect you, your partner or you Mum's feelings.

    Traditionally you would go with your Dad but you could speak to him about the additional cost and that you want to spend equal time with both of your parents without upset and that it is tricky. It would be nice to meet up and have a drink to defuse the situation and explain how you are feeling. If you see their numbers come up on your phone let them leave a message and swiftly delete.

    I understand the cake might not be exactly what you want, but it will mean a lot to your partner that she made your wedding cake. Our bestman's Mum wants to make all her son's wedding cakes... but... well... the last one had a mirror heart shaped stand with bright yellow flowers... even my partner raised an eyebrow image So the bride is really nervous, so always think "it could be worse".

     

  • EssexBride2EssexBride2 Posts: 121

    trust me Hun you need to forget all the stuff that's going in with everyone else it's yours and ohs day I know that's easier said than done but screen them to you need to talk to them........ Your not the only one I have had the worse year ever with only a few months till my wedding I've literally had to summon everything in me to go ahead with it you firstly my grandad died I was devastated then my dad decides that after 36 years with my mum his up and just left taking all there savings everything and gone as well as causing a mass destruction along his way my mum begged me not to go ahead with the wedding she is in pieces .... Great timing my a**hole dad has, never thought he would do this to our family. Everyone in in despair and his ruined everything the last thing I want to do is get married his said he don't wanna be there etc when I've always been such a daddy's girl it's hard to comprehend him not being there and doing all this to us ...... Then to top it all off I found a lump and got referred they done a mammogram/scan and I was in having it removed they don't know what it is but wanted it out so now I'm praying it's not the big C whilst awaiting my results 

    Pretty crap build up to my wedding and it's hard to build up any excitement etc when everyone seems to be against you but you can do it and just think it really could be worse xxxx

     

  • EssexBride2EssexBride2 Posts: 121

    p.s sorry about the spelling on the iPad and the spell check is always changing words grrrrr

  • Why don't you meet your dad and tell him you really want him at the wedding, but you can't cope with his new wife and sister harassing you, shouting at you, and judging everything you do. You have absolutely no reason to put yourself out for his new wife, and he needs to understand that. You could ask that if he wants to discuss the wedding more, or if he needs to ask something or whatnot, that he contacts you directly, as you have no intention of engaging with his sister or wife now.

    At the end of the day, this man is your father. If he can't stand up for you and grow a pair then maybe you might want to reconsider your opinion of him.

    It's probably more like he has no idea what's going on though - which is why it might be a good idea to talk to him about it.

  • JSCJSC Posts: 60

    I hope it all went ok for you!! I'm getting married in 3 weeks myself and having similar family dramas so fully empathise x

  • Hi there, I hope you don't mind me writing to you. I'm developing a television idea about couples who are having trouble with their wedding planning because of tricky relationships within their family. I'm looking to chat to people who are either experiencing this situation now or who have been through it in the past and was wondering if you'd be interested in talking to me about the difficulties you had.

    Please do contact me if you don't mind talking on the phone, there'd be no obligation if you just want to find out more.

    Many thanks,

    Olivia

    [email protected]

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