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Am I being unreasonable about my hen do?

Hi everyone, so my hen do is in a couple of weeks and the more I think about it the more upset I feel, I just want to cry at the moment and feel so embarrassed!

Firstly I've organised it myself as my best mate who is the MOH kept saying she'll look into it but never did, I was kind of ok about this as I would rather know what we're doing, but I think my other mates are wondering why I'm having to do it myself. I have a few close friends rather than a large group so people dropping out really makes a difference to the numbers, and I wouldn't invite them if they didn't mean a lot to me.

I've arranged for my make up artist to do a 3 hours session at my house in the afternoon with us, then we're going for a meal and drinks in the evening, so nothing too costly. But then my sister in law who is my other bridesmaid has told my OH that she's not coming (after initially telling me she would) because she's doing something with her mates. She didn't even tell me in person or apologise! I told her to begin with that its a set number of people as its an organised activity so I need to know if she's coming, and can't believe the way she has gone about dropping out! Then I have another friend who I invited a while back and she said she would get back to me about it, I didn't hear anything and wondered if the cost was an issue, so when my sister in law dropped out, I text her again saying theres a free space, its only for a couple of hours in the afternoon at my house and she's welcome to bring her baby (she said she's not sure about leaving her baby as she cries when she leaves the room). This friend is still saying 'I'll see how the baby is' and making out that she'll be coming, but I just know she doesn't want to. I would rather her just tell me than keep dragging it out! I feel so embarrassed that I can't even get my mate to come over for a few hours for free in the afternoon and everything else on top is just adding to my anger! Can people not just get out of their comfort zone and make an effort for a once in a lifetime occasion? I would do it for them!


  • herstoryherstory Posts: 1,268

    I get your annoyance, but it is your hen do and not your wedding day. I think you just need to be a bit less nice and tell people you need a straight answer if it's a no that's fine but you need to know!

     As for your sil you oh should have told her to talk to you directly, maybe remind him of the fact he clearly needs to remind her what the polite thing is to do, personally I would have revoked her status as bridesmaid.

    By the way I think most brides end up organising their hen do in some way nowerdays, my bridesmaids to me they had sorted mine the day I decided to tell them if they hadn't sorted it I would do it, and as the plan was to go aboard, their idea, it was just me and them to organise!

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    I had 2 late drop outs out of my hen do with a week to go and we were only out for a meal and drinks - the meal ended up being paid for my h2b so to those that didn't go due to money/childcare/whatever other issues they had - it was a bit of a so you should have really gone thing but the most important thing is that you go and you have a good time regardless how many people you go with!

    The main event is the wedding after all and you'd be far more annoyed if people made lame excuses not to go to that!

  • Jasmin77Jasmin77 Posts: 4

    Sorry to hear you had a similar issue KK12 but glad you had a great time in the end. I know what you mean its not the wedding day after all and I'm upset that the hen do is becoming more of a stress which is madness. You're right at least I know those who are coming are reliable friends! 

  • You might want to double check with your SIL - it's quite dangerous to go on second hand information I think. If you give her a call and just talk about the day as if she was coming (pretend you hadn't heard otherwise I guess!) and see how she reacts. There might just have been crossed wires somewhere along the lines.

    At least that way if she says "oh I'm not coming" you have an opportunity to ask why she hadn't told you, and leave a few icy "I see" comments in there if she is messing you around. Maybe she isn't! You just won't know until you speak to her.

    If she is just being a madam, then I guess you can talk to your h2b to say you're unimpressed. But at the end of the day if she is helping you in other respects then it shouldn't be that big an issue in the long run.

    But I can definitely understand your disappointment - it really sucks when people pull out of things that you are looking forward to.

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