Is it normal to feel like this?

 

My FH and j are getting married in less than 3 months and I can't wait for it to be over. I am so excited about marrying him, but I've hated wedding planning and find it all overwhelming and it makes me on edge.

From the word go, my parents have had far too much to say for themselves. I hate conflict so have gone along with some things for an easy ride, but we specifically didn't want children at our wedding, which my mum has overruled. On top of that, I have been guilt tripped into having my young cousin as a bridesmaid, who I don't know and haven't seen since 2010. I like my family, but my parents insist that it should be a 'family' day - despite the fact I'm not close to any of my cousins. As far as I'm concerned, I have my dad walking me down the aisle, my mum there and my two brothers as FH's ushers and that's all I need. My parents are intent on making me feel guilty about wanting a wedding with a lot of friends - despite the fact we're not excluding any family! 

My parents have also invited people before the invitations went out. This has l

ed to some embarrassing situations, which my parents continue to bring up.

My mum has also told me she doesn't like one of my bridesmaids, and on the whole my FH and I are being made to feel guilty about our choices for our wedding. We wanted something informal and relaxed but our day seems to have kind of spiralled out of control. 

On top of wedding planning, we are trying to rent out our house as FH's job is sending us overseas for 2 years, so work is being done on it for the purpose of making it more marketable. I'm finding the whole thing very stressful, don't seem to have a minute to myself, and am constantly having my opinions questioned. My FH's parents dont seem to care and although my partner is very supportive, I feel like I am bearing the burden of this edding. It is leading to disagreeements with my FH, as he is frustrated with my parents, and my parents get at me too. Even when my partner has calmly told them to back off, they bring up how upset/disappointed they are at certain decisions we've made

Am I being unreasonable? 

Posts

  • emzlooemzloo Posts: 53

    your day !!!!

    set them all straight or you will regret it x

  • wilson2bwilson2b Posts: 272

    Some parents still see weddings as the tradition of 'tgey will invite who they want to see their daughter get married'. I do feel for you, it's not something I'd have enjoyed either. Are they funding the day and that's why they are taking control? If they aren't then you can really put your foot down and demand what you want. I know you should be able to regardless of who is paying but it's polite to listen if it's being paid for by someone else. 

    as you've said, you haven't got long to go. Try to avoid wedding conversations with your parents, place a ban on the word. It might help to relieve soms tension. Good luck 

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    its completely normal to feel that way - i couldnt wait for the whole farcical day to be over! (due to problems with inlaws etc) love my husband and glad we got married but the day wasnt mine image

    concentrate on your honeymoon! thats what i did and it really helped!

  • Thanks guys! Your advice helps. They're not paying for the full wedding, but are contributing significantly to it. I just feel I've bowed down a lot in order to try and accommodate everyone, but somehow am being made to feel guilty if I've made a decision they don't agree with. I'd also love some practical support on things (helping to write invitations, favour tags etc) but don't get any help that way and FH works away a lot, hence why he can't always help. 

    Will keep smiling and thinking of the honeymoon! 

  • you really do have to put a stop to this, hard as it may be, it really is YOUR day, you only do it once (hopefully) and it should be the happiest day of your life, not one that you'll look back on with regrets, it might be hard talking to your parents about it, but the alternative is much worse i think x 

  • deefusdeefus Posts: 67

    Yes, normal, I am totally feeling like this with a month to go now. I cannot wait to be married, but I am really not that fussed about the actual wedding. We are having a 3 day extravaganza to please our parents but if it was completely up to us we'd go to a registry office and then a pub. Don't get me wrong, I feel so grateful and lucky to be having a beautiful wedding, I just don't think it's the most important thing in the world.

    I am just visualising the honeymoon. And gritting my teeth a bit  image

  • SarahL1408SarahL1408 Posts: 154

    I think how your feeling is normal. 

    I have enjoyed planning the day and if it was just me and OH going to be there it would be easy.  Its keeping everyone else happy that has caused me so much stress. 

    I think you just need to be firm and hopefully they will realise that it is your day and that the pressure your being put under is ruining the lead up to it.  Is there anyone else that could perhaps tell them that?  It might sink in if it comes from someone else? 

    No one will think your ungrateful.

    x

  • JSCJSC Posts: 60

    Hey you are normal - I get married in 10 days and also can't wait for it to be over.

    It's my 2nd wedding and wanted a low key day (we are paying for all ) but my family have made dramas over no kids and my brother even cancelled being my registry office witness by text as he didnt want to take a photo of us on his phone?!

    It is your day so just focus on that and the lovely honeymoon after image I've been gritting my teeth for a while... x

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