More family drama... the joys of it all.
Basically, months ago we had some issues with my future FIL, with him saying he wasn't happy with our humanist marrying us, and so we changed it to keep him happy.
Fast forward, and apparently he is now not sleeping, not eating and is currently saying that he is not coming to the wedding as he is so upset about a whole host of other things (everything has been relayed to OH's sister and not to OH or myself).
1. he feels left out of the wedding. FIL stays 5 mins away, does not visit us. he does not ask us about the wedding and he is complaining that he does not know what is happening. I have made a habit of not talking about the wedding when I have not been asked about it first out of fear of boring everyone in sight. As FIL hasn't asked about it, I haven't discussed it in any detail with him. OH isn't in the habit of talking about the wedding much at all, but I suspect he is of the same opinion of me that he will be happy to talk about it if asked.
2. he again is not happy it is a humanist ceremony. We changed the humanist to please him, and now he doesn't want a humanist ceremony at all. FIL and OH are catholic (non-practising but both brought up) and I am not, I have suspected for a while that FIL has wanted OH to have a catholic service.
3. I have his step-granddaughter as a flower girl and because he is not involved with the wedding, he doesn't know whats happening but apparently that makes no difference anyway as his side of the family won't be coming. After a conversation months ago, I compromised with FIL to have one of his step-granddaughters as one of my flowergirls. Baring in mind, I have never met this child, I was willing to do this to keep him happy. I felt that was a big compromise on my side, although I doubt he would see it as that.
FIL has a good relationship with my fiance, and it makes no sense for him to jump and say that he is not coming to the wedding at all just for feeling these things. Especially not having discussed them first with us. For someone so bothered by this (according to his sister) I couldn't imagine him making such a decision without even first talking to his only son about it!
This has really shook our relationship with him because myself and my family think he is being completely ridiculous. OH doesn't know what to do, he wants to keep the peace as much as possible- but theres going to be a time that we need to address the issues (as yet we haven't spoken to FIL).
We have put off going to see him to talk to him about it all, because we can't see a resolution. As you can tell, i am of the opinion that he is being stupid and childish, which is never going to go down well with his very stubborn and outspoken nature. We are trying to work out what to do. How can OH's relationship with his dad still be strong and close when he won't be at the most important day of his life? I am stubborn too, and I know already that I want nothing to do with him, which is much easier for me to say. But I dont want my fiance to have his father/son relationship suffer.
I am so sorry this is so long. I know family drama is so common on here, but it's really not something we are used to and we are really stuck what to do. We want to get it sorted, but I can't see that happening...