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Kids at weddings?

My mum has been a total mumzilla throughout the wedding process, i.e. I'm going to ruin her day, it will look cheap, the men should be in tails and will look stupid in suits, she will be embarrassed in front of her friends, I've not involved her enough etc - the usual mumzilla rants! We've spoken about this and have had a fragile peace for the last few days, as lately there seems to be an issue every week!  But yesterday it blew up.  We have discussed the 'no kids rule' and my parents have said no kids but we want a few as my fiance has a nephew who is 10 months, my cousins 2 kids are 16 months and 3 weeks, and my friends kids are 3 years old and 10 months. The 3 year old is our page boy and we are god parents to both the 10 month old babies.  So although we are not inviting kids to the reception we wanted these kids here with us to be married as we are close to them and they are family/god children and they are to be picked up after the church service at 2.30. I was at my mums yesterday when my cousin dropped round his RSVP with the kids names on the reply.  Mum went nuts saying they said no kids and this was going to ruin everything and walked away.  Last night she kept texting me saying how hurt she was and how sneaky I am inviting them.  I told her I honestly thought i was ok - their names had been down on the guest list all along (that she has seen) she kept saying 'tell me honestly how many kids you have invited, you knew our feelings and Im beside myself with hurt' etc. She knew about our page boy and she said yesterday that the fiances nephew was ok so her real issue is with my cousins kids.  She didnt invite kids to her wedding and this offended my cousins mum (my dads side of the family) so they didn't speak for years. My cousins parents live in spain and my cousins wife only has her elderly mother and father to babysit the kids so I know they only have 1 babysitter locally who cant look after both kids as 2 are a handful and they are very family centered and I knew they would be upset if we didnt invite their kids. So I do want them there but I feel like if I didnt invite them there would be a problem with a)their feelings and b)babysitting so I invited them as it didnt matter to me that much to cause problems by not inviting them. And now theres a bigger problem that they are invited with my mum! Not sure what to do now - I texted my cousin last night about getting their kids picked up after the service and they said her mum couldnt look after both the kids so they may bring the baby who will be 10 weeks with them for the day - so this would have been an issue all along.  Now that wont really affect my day or it shouldnt affect my mums so I cant see what the problem is really? And if any of the kids cry the parents will take them outside, not a big deal! Not sure how me and my parents are going to come back from this. I keep disappointing them as they want to recreate their day is seems - ie no kids, men in tails etc and my ideas and wants are getting in their way of this ideal. Cant wait for it to be over at this stage as they have caused me nothing but stress, which is not the way I should be feeling 7 weeks before but they keep imposing strict rules I knew nothing about until after Ive done something and its too late image  


  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134 New bride

    Think you need to just ask your Mum to have a little bit of perspective - some kids being there is not going to ruin the day - what could they possibly do to ruin it?! It will be ruined if you don't get married at all - and that is about it!

    On occasion my Mum has offered to go a bit far and get overly excited. Ours was over kids meals as I was proposing an actual kids option and she text saying how about a smaller version of adult meal or it'll look cheap. I just replied saying "that's not a very nice thing to say" and she apologised and backed down. She needs to know that she is upsetting you!


  • Victoria25Victoria25 Posts: 250

    I've been to a wedding before where, and I know this will sound harsh, kids did ruin the day.  But it was more the parents than anything.  One cried severely during the ceremony but wasn't taken out and during the speeches people were letting their kids run around so you couldn't hear what was being said at all.

    We are having kids at our wedding (will be between a few weeks old - 11) but I trust the parents enough to be able to keep them from making too much trouble!

    if you're happy enough to have children at your day then you just need to be firm with your mum and tell her how you feel.  It sounds like it will be hard to do but sometimes people need to be put in their place, no matter how much money they are giving you (if they are).  On the day I'm sure your mum won't even notice that they're there.

  • OutlawOwlOutlawOwl Posts: 649
    We had kids at our wedding and I wouldnt have had it any other way! We had 1 9 year old, 2 6 year olds, 2 4 year olds a 2 year old and a 1 year old and you wouldnt have even known they were there. All the children were perfect for the service and the wedding breakfast.

    I think if you want them there then they should be there. My mother argued with me over everything but I dug my heels in and had the wedding I wanted!!!
  • Mrs pickleMrs pickle Posts: 319

    Hang on, whose wedding is it?! I think you need to remind your mother of that!

  • LucyLu81LucyLu81 Posts: 79

    I agree with Mrs Pickle - it's your wedding & if you want the children there then you should. It sounds like there's a million & one things that could potentially ruin the day in your mum's eyes so you have to go with what will make you happy.

    Plus, the children you are proposing to come are just babies - if it was lots of older toddlers & children then I could maybe understand. We've asked for no children (including my godson) but mainly because with the 70 adults there could be 27 children! However, there will be 3 babies under 4 months & my cousin's 3yr old because they are travelling a long way to come up for the weekend.

    Its much more likely for one of the adults to cause trouble at a wedding, than one of the children...!!

    Good luck getting it all sorted! X

  • herstoryherstory Posts: 1,268

    Tell your mum these particular children are invited to your wedding and she needs to deal with her feelings about it, you will not be changing your mind.

    I think it is a case of you have given her and inch and she has taken a mile on many things.

    Can I ask are your parents contributing a significant amount? I only ask because some people think a contribution gives them a say, I agreed with my now husbands if any parents got pushy about anything to do with the wedding they were going to get their money back. They didn't although my hubby caught my mil bragging about how much of the day they had paid for, he pointed out their contribution barley covered x, no matter z,y and w!

    By the way we only had 5 under 18 but you honestly would not have known they were there, now the 33 year old cousin of the grooms who was pissed before the end of the wedding breakfast everyone remembers image good thing she had 9 other adults including her own son to look after her!

  • CMW83CMW83 Posts: 19

    Thanks for all the advice - herstory they were originally going to pay most of the costs but we and fiances family want to contribute too, so they are contributing about half but hosting the reception which I think makes them think the whole day? I've written her a letter letting her know how I feel about everything so far so hopefully she gets the picture! 

  • Spam88Spam88 Posts: 1,001

    Seriously, it's your wedding not her's, what business of her's is it if you want to invite some children?  Just sit her down and tell her she's gone too far - this is your wedding and you want it to be the way YOU want it!

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