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im sorry for posting this on a wedding website but not sure where to go with it. 

my friend was diagnosed with what she said was 'severe post natal depression' her child is 18 months old and this was in January . 

i haven't seen her since she told me (which was back in jan) 

she is refusing to open the door, she has changed her mobile number, deleted her facebook account. wont answer her landline. 

i have knocked on at her address almost weekly with no reply. 

her husband is a complete drip and probably in denial as he always says she is fine. 

this is not normal behaviour for her and was starting to fell paranoid myself thinking have i upset her and she is ignoring me. (after husband said she was fine ?)

today i bumped into at the shops, i said hi, and tried to engage her in conversation and she ran cross the car park 

i feel completely helpless as she has shut all her friends out. 

ive sent letters etc you name it ive done it. i can only email her if she hasnt deleted that aswell

i know she  must be fighting a lonely battle. 

i was a bit upset when i got back from my wedding abroad that id didnt have a card from her. i knew i wasnt going to get one but i thought deep down she might. 

she is supposed to be coming to my night do next week but after not speaking or seeing her for 6 months i doubt very much this will happen. 


i dont know how to react and deal with this mental illness. 

do i keep trying and emailing her every week or just leave it. 

i have said she knows where i am and hope to catch up over a brew soon. the invite is always open but u have never had a reply. 

i feel quite angry with her and i want to email her and ask why she ignored me today. 

it was like bumping into a stranger. 

i now feel very sad about the whole situation  and helpless with it all. my other friend has also tried and hit a brick wall. 

any advise is much appreciated. 


  • Simone CSimone C Posts: 112


    its really hard Ito deal with these sort of things, whether your the friend or the person suffering. 

    When I had my first I was really ill and shut everyone out because I was embarrassed with who I had become.  Time and want was my healer, i didn't want to talk about my illness but about nronal everyday life. 

    I would suggest leaving her to it for a while, she knows your there when she's ready. She can't help it but with time she get better.

    i am all good now and have been for 8 years but I remember them times and would never go back there!! But when I  having a few problems, like anyone else would have,  friends now know just to leave me too it and I will deal with it all on my own in my own time.

    i don't know if that's the right thing but if it helps that's how I felt. Now I  struggle to hold back if I see someone isn't well but give them space and they do come round eventually. 


  • Purple rainPurple rain Posts: 926

    its just really sad how she walked past as if we were strangers and wouldnt engage. she didnt even say hi. 

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    apart from leaving her alone to deal with it (which has pros and cons) the only other thing i could suggest is to ask  hubby if wife will be  in at xx time and ask for a spare key, barge in and make her some tea, run her a bath and look after the baby or arrange for the baby to be looked after so u can both chat. tell her u love and support her but she needs help and that  u r there for her. it might not happen instantly, may take quite a few trips for her to start coming to life but she needs it - she need to see support and hopefully she can start to heal?

    i have frequent depression and if im left to it i keep wallowing. sometimes giving me a good kick works - if not instantly it does make me take stoke for a bit

  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134 New bride

    Could you speak to her Mum or anyone to get a true impression of how she is doing? x

  • Weddin crazyWeddin crazy Posts: 1,743

    I havnt had depression before and I'm sure everyone copes with it differently anyway. It's clear she wants to be left alone but at the same time she needs to know ur there n u need to try. only thing tht sprung to mind when I read this, if she won't talk to you but u wnt her to know ur thinking about her how about gettin flowers delivered with a card explaining your thinking of her, to ring anytime she feels ready to talk etc? 

    ( I think talking to her mam or someone is a good idea too) 

    when u do get to talk too maybe offer to do something baby related with her if she would prefer tht, she might feel bad askin n left out doing non baby related things 

  • Purple rainPurple rain Posts: 926

    her mum lives 5 hours away, last time she came to visit her she refused to speak to me, basically said dont worry about it, im here to look after her and slammed the door in my face. she knows iam thinking off her, ive sent letters etc. her husband avoids me and doesnt answer the door either. very strange goings on. we contacted one of her closest freinds on facebook to ask, she ignored the message then deleted my friend off facebook. so iam at a loss really as to what to do. my friend who used to be a mental health nurse said i should speak to her gp and tell them my concerns? iam abit worried this could snowball into something if not carefeful. she has two kids 8 years and 2 years. and mine are 7 and 5 so in the school hols i asked if she fancied doing any activities but never get a reply.

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