Bridesmaid from hell and she's my New Sister in law

When my fh asked me to marry him for some reason I naively decided it would be great to build a relationship with his 2 sisters by asking them to by bridesmaids ( the maid of honor is my best friend). They are very different girls ( I now know). Bridesmaid A- The eldest sister was bossy from the start. They have religious requirements for the dresses which I always knew about and was totally happy to chose the dresses with them and make it top priority (apart from the colour) that the dresses made them feel totally comfortable I'm this way. My MOH who is not  religious (I'm not and neither is fh) was also totally happy to wear the same dress.  I organised to have special non alcoholic grape juice at the reception and hot chocolate instead of tea and coffee for them ( again religious reasons) to make them feel comfortable. I ended up with dresses nothing like I would have chosen and didn't care as I just wanted everyone to be happy. They were cheap as the two sisters are stay at home mums- $130. bridesmaid A was the last to do her measurements. She did source and order the shoes but when they came hers didn't fit as she wanted so she took the MOHs saying they fit her better and sent the other shoes back telling my MOH she would have to order her own.

She was grumpy when the MOH tried to involve her in hens night planning. When the dresses arrived she refused to try them on then as she 'didnt have time'. At that time I tried to give her a large crystal brooch and gold leaf bad crystal head piece (not cheap) but she said the head piece would 'hurt her head' (before the had tried it) and waved it all away saying ' you bring it for me' so my MOH jumped in and said she found them fine and adjustable and she would look after them.

That's when the problems really started. I gave her the dress saying to try it on and call me as I was happy to make any changes people wanted. I asked her to ring and let me know how it went 3 times. I also emphasised I was totally flexible about changing the dresses.... I didn't hear from her for a week. Then I had another family member over for dinner who let slip that she had 'told bridesmaid A that there had been worse bridesmaid dresses at other people in the families weddings' and that bridesmaid A had been making changes to the dress ( taking out the boning altering the neck line). I was surprised and a little hurt she hadn't called me and I said so. The family member said if I felt I needed to be heard I should call her and talk about it. I called bridesmaid B to  see if she had any issues with the dress and she said bridesmaid A ( her sister) had told her to bring it over and she would 'rip it up' but that she wasn't sure she wanted any changes so she hadn't. She was considering changing the material on the sleeves.

 

I said ok that would be fine I had other material in the same colours I just wanted to be involved so I could coordinate with the MOHs dress ( up until this point the dresses were ordered to be the same but I didn't mind having them all different. I just wanted to know and be involved. So I bit the bullet and rang Bridesmaid A. I asked her how the dress had gone and said I heard she'shad to make some changes. she said it wasnt sitting right on her and she removed the boning. I asked if that had helped and she said yes. I said great   could you come over and show me, she then said 'oh and I also changed the kneckline. I said I felt a little hurt and disappointed that she hadn't included me or rung me bit did she like the dress better? She said yes. I said well that's the important thing. I got off the phone and a few hours later got an annoyed text saying she doesn't appreciate what just happened and felt i had no right to 'tell her off'. I ignored it and hoped she would come the next day with a positive attitude and we

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  • Sarah 40Sarah 40 Posts: 6

    could sort out the dresses and move on, but when she came half an hour late the next day she didn't even say hello.

     

    She walked straight past me without smiling ignoring my greeting completely. She sat down opposite her sister (bridesmaid B) and my mum and refused to look at me. Eventually after 10 minute of everyone trying to make conversation she cut across it with ' are we going gk try on dresses?' I said yes but before we do there is obviously something that has upset you. Can we talk about it? She kept saying there was nothing wrong in a really rude way. I offered to talk privately in the end she accused my of making a big deal of nothing a pnd my mum got fed up and told she was the one causing the drama so she stormed out. Later that evening I agreed to meet with her alone to try and resolve it but she just kept having ago saying sarcastically ' I now know I need to call you a thousand times a day' and accusing me of attacking and pubically humiliating her that afternoon.

     

    The end it became clear she was trying to bully me and it wasnt going to work. I tried to put it nicely by saying it was just a bad scenario and our relationship was more important than being bride and bridesmaid She shouted at me to just say it Repeatedly. I asked her not to shout. She refused to hear what I was trying to say nicely so in the end I said ' at this stage I can't have you in the bridal party'. She said 'you can tell my family I'm not good enough to be your bridesmaid' I said ' I never said that' repeatedly. She jumped up, shouted at me that I was a jerk (heavy insult in terms of her religion they can't swear) and said she pitied my fh for marrying me. She left slamming my door. I didn't reply to any of it.
    now she has gone round fhs large family saying I said she wasnt good enough to be a bridesmaid, crying and saying how hurt and betrayed she feels. Some of them know her enough to not let her story effect them (fhs mum had a similar experience with her and so she wouldn't speak to her for 10 years- her Own mother!) but some -like bridesmaid b- are being manipulated and are putting pressure on fh that I made the wrong call. He supports me but we are both upset. He supports me completely.

    Our wedding us only a week away and this has happened in the last few days. My brothers wife (who I get on really well with) has beeN organised to step in but when we took the dress to the alterations place to get it fitted on her we were explained the dress had been wrecked to the point where the entire top will have to be remade costing $250- nearly twice as much as it cost. Still we are paying it.

    Did i do the right thing ? I couldn't see how I could have a bridesmaid that disliked me and was so rude she wouldnt speak to me.

  • SarahL1408SarahL1408 Posts: 154

    Wow!  She sounds like hard work.  I think you need to remember that bridesmaids are there to support the bride and not cause them a ridiculous amount of more stress.  Ultimately, you tried to talk to her about it and sort it out and it was her that choose to be difficult.  I am sure her comments have upset you greatly and if you would be worrying about her attitude on the wedding day, I think you have done the right thing. 

    I have had a bridesmaid drop out on me and sadly it has resulted in the end of our friendship, however, I too have asked someone to step in as a replacement and all I feel now is relief that it is my new BM rather than the old. 

    Try not to let this ruin your final lead up xx

  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134 New bride

    She is a completely cow, end of story. Go with the two BMs that you have, ignore her and have a fantastic day. Do not let her ruin any of this for you xx

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    you done the right thing by replacing her! my sil and only bm bought a dress i didnt like, not in my colour scheme and without my knowledge and i was bullied into letting her have her own way and inlaws made our wedding day about her (was even told i needed to change theme to matche her dress and when i asked her to have hair down she refused and evil mil told me i need to change my hair to match hers!- i didnt but was very pissed off)

    ignore her now, they day is about u and OH, if she says anything ignore it, u wont care if she is near u on the day and just think baout how she might have acted if u gave her carte blanche - outfits would have looked stupid, she would have been bitchy (still might but will not b a bm now just a guest) and u would have to see her more etc.

    well done for standing ur ground

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    She's a bitch... Poke her in the eye.

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    (But yes, you have done the right thing and should be proud of yourself for standing your ground)

  • Sarah 40Sarah 40 Posts: 6

    Thanks everyone. It was such a hard decision but I felt like she really pushed me into it and then attacked me for it and tried to make me look bad image

  • herstoryherstory Posts: 1,268

    You did the right thing! She is out of line in so many ways, and also has a history of falling out with close family members, it seems like it was your turn. Are you marrying the oldest boy so in theory would become the family matriarch after his mum passes? If so she is definitely testing the waters to find your limits! I only mention this because in certain religions family and family order are much more important than they are for most none religious/Christian families.

    I really hope your h2b is backing you up very publicly, I suspect she is being a drama queen because she knows she will slip down a notch on her brothers priority list.

    You don't mention her and your husbands relationship, I do have to ask is he the than them both, younger or in the middle? I only ask because I am the oldest and only girl out of all my cousins and they know throwing strops won't work with me, where as my husbands the youngest boy on one side of his family and his female cousins try bossing him around, well they did until they met me!

  • Sarah 40Sarah 40 Posts: 6

    Good questions! He is the second youngest of a large family- 10 years younger than her. She is the eldest of the family- she sees herself as the matriarch as her husnabd was also bishop of their church for a while. She is the 'redpected wife of the bishop' type thing. She doesn't work.. He used to go round and kneel at her feet while she did cross stitch and read to her once a week and this has stopped since we have got togethee and he has imp proved his self esteem

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