Family fallout

Hey guys, 

I do not know if anyone else has gone through anything similar to this, either way here goes.

It all started with the invites, at the time my stepsister( who i dont really like or see) was living with an on/off boyfriend, I asked my parents what to put on the invite as i told them i didnt want just `anyone` coming to the wedding, they said to put a plus one at the time as i think my stepsister was on an `off` patch but they always seemed to make up almost straight away, so i did, I assumed this would be the end of it.....

however

Just before Christmas they broke up for good, i assumed she would not be bringing a plus one, i spoke to my parents and they said the same.

Time went by and no matter how hard i tried my parents didn't help with anything, i couldn't talk to them regarding wedding planning. They haven't contributed a single penny either, no interest what so ever.

Anyway, about 3 months ago, my dad phones me and says stepsister has a new bf, I said at this point he couldnt come to the ceremony and wedding breakfast as its only close friends and family, however he was welcome to evening disco.

My dad agreed to start, then he spoke to my stepmother, who quite frankly is a troublemaker anyway and we have never got on(she kicked me out of their house on my last GCSE exam day for no reason), then it caused my dad to think i was being totally unreasonable etc. He is totally brainwashed by this woman.

I had constant phonecalls and discussions with them about the saga, not just about that, but also about the fact they were not interested at all and that they feel like they can tell me who i have to invite etc. Even though i told them i didnt want a stranger at the wedding.

In the end i contacted my stepsister, told her we were short of spaces, which was true and that i assumed she wouldnt be bringing a guest, i did say the new bf was more than welcome to the evening do. I received a message back saying she wouldnt be attending and neither would her children who were supposed to be my page boy and bridesmaid. I left it at that.

Caused a massive issue with my parents it seems, the next time i saw my stepmother she was like a rottie, saying i had upset her daughter etc, which i havent as she uninvited herself because she couldnt get her own way and trying to cause trouble when it didnt involved her. It resulted in me telling her i didnt want her there as she was never a mother to me, alwayys causing trouble between my dad and i and how my dad is too scared to stand up to her.

Anyway, I havent spoke to anyone since bt my dad, who still doesnt give a hooter about wedding and not contributed a penny.

He made me go to my dress fitting alone, showed him picture and just said i look ideal, aparently his only role is to just walk me down aisle, he has now said he wont do a speech and also said, your mum has been dead for 21 years, what can i say...(its actually 24 years)

He is not bothered at all about the suit, and said to the guy, id rather watch the football( than go to wedding)

I spoke to him about how it made me feel that he wont make a speech and he isnt bothered, says to me, under the circumstances i cant (meaning my stepmother is not coming) what will people say, i told him no one will ask as not many people know her as the majority are friends and HTB family.

I have now told him not to come, its been going on for too long and making me ill. He is not bothered and didnt try and salvage at all. In fact he said, what will people say if he isnt there, i said i will think of something, I told him i do want him there but if he iisnt willing to be proud dad dont bother. HE wont do that for me.

There are a lot more things to this story but too much to even put into words.

Now i have no one at all to wal

Posts

  • Beth90Beth90 Posts: 284

    Oh no Christina! I'm so sorry this has happened image when is your wedding? is there no way of salvaging this? If you think it would make you less stressed and actually happier if they weren't there, then they don't have to be there. Just because you feel your dad "should" be there, if you are not close enough and he is making you feel this way, then you should do what makes you happiest. It is a rubbish situation and I hope it all gets sorted soon, as something like this may effect your relationship with your dad forever. lots of hugs xxx

  • really sorry to read this... have you got someone who could do the duties your father should have done?  He will look back and regret this xxx

  • Rachel 14Rachel 14 Posts: 232

    Do you have any other brothers or sisters bar this step -sister who could talk to your dad? Or maybe any aunties or uncles who could talk some sense into him?

     

    I'm so sorry this is all happening,  but just keep in mind that your about to form your own new family. I hope your H2B is understanding an helping you through it.

    If your close to H2B's family, Could your father in law to be to walk you down the aisle? 

  • Hello, Brides - Ricochet, the TV production company which makes Supernanny, and It's Me and the Dog are planning a new wedding TV show which will help couples plan a wedding when they have tricky family situations to negotiate.  Do call us in the strictest confidence on 01273 224800 and ask to speak to Olivia if this sounds like you.  We are currently making a not-for-broadcast taster tape for one of the four main channels and would welcome your input.  Please ask for Olivia or Christine.  Thank you

  • MrsTaylorMrsTaylor Posts: 500

    Seriously, Christine this is so insensitive to be posting this on all the things in the emotional support thread!!!

  • I had a similar thing but with my cousin bf not invited it resulted in me uninviting my auntie, cousin and her children. Which I know is not as bad as your own father. I couldn't imagine how you feel as you always think I your dad as important part of the day. 

    My dad is a shy person and doesn't want to do a speech so I'm not making him do one, is there anyone else you could get to so a speech?

    Is there anyway you go get him alone to tell him how you feel? When is the wedding, do you have time to resolve things?

  • SheandHimSheandHim Posts: 379

    He's being really insensitive and I'm sorry this has happened.

    You need to remember that the day is about you and your fiance, if people aren't there then don't worry about it, even if it's your father. The day is about you and your friends and family celebrating your marriage, it is not a day for you to pander to inconsiderate family members. 

  • Miaow8690Miaow8690 Posts: 298

    I'm so sorry this has happened for you.

    I have a similar relationship with my Dad's girlfriend - she manipulates my Dad and all of his friends as well as his daughters are sick of it. I used to be best friends with my dad but since she came on the scene three years ago our relationship has never been what it was.

    The point is, that I understand your position. If I were you, I would take a deep breath and meet your Dad face to face. Explain to him how much this means to you that he is there. Do not reference his wife or her kids or anything like that, make it just about the two of you. Tell him you love him and want him there. He does care about you, he is just being emotionally unaware and allowing himself to be manipulated by his wife. 

    He will either understand and start to make more of an effort, which is most likely, or he won't understand at all and the situation won't change. However, you will know that you have done everything you can to fix the situation. I have a very stressful family situation and believe me when I say sometimes you can't fix it, you just need to walk away.

    Make a last effort to connect with your Dad just the two of you, and if that doesn't work, ask a close friend to walk you down the aisle and remember that you have your H2B to go home to and build your own family.

    Finally - this is not your fault. Don't feel guilt about the situation. Please. I wasted so many hours feeling guilt, it is not worth it. Your H2B loves you and you have other friends and family who love you and will support you. Don't let this ruin your time.

  • OK I would say the way you have been treated here is absolutely awful. Sounds like this probably isn't a new thing and you have a really wicked step mother.

    I'm going to say though, that when you look back at the photos and think about your wedding in a few years, what's going to be most important to you? Proving the point that your Dad is wrong, or knowing that he was there on your wedding day to give you away and say the speech?

    Controversial answer but my advice would be to apologise to them all. Say you're a bit stressed about how much it's all costing etc, but if it's that important to your step sister she can have her boyfriend there for the whole day.

    I know that might go totally against everything you're feeling and you might hate doing it, I think you should also consider how your evil step mother and sister would probably love nothing more than for your dad not to be at your wedding, infact they have probably just been waiting for an excuse to tell him not to be!

    He may be weak willed and have behaved outrageously but he's still your dad and you deserve for him to be there for you on your big day. Don't let the evil step mother win...do what might feel like the wrong thing now, for the right outcome; so that when you look back on your big day, your dad is in the picture and you know that you've done 'the right thing' and risen above their shoddy behaviour.

     

     

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