Is it just me???

My fiance propsed to me in November last year.. It was the happiest time of my life..! So far we have put the deposit down for our venue, the church is booked, our photographer is booked and we are in the middle of making our invitations. We booked the wedding for August 22nd 2015  ..Last week My Fiancé's sister announces she is getting married 4 days after us!!!!! No proposal, no ring.. they just decided! Here are her reasons: 1. Her sister will be here from America for their wedding so I may aswell do it when she is here 2. Our grandparents may not be alive very much longer so its a good time. At first she said its just a small affair.. registry office, no fuss small meal after. So my fiance and I suggested moving it to Christmas time when her sister can travel again. Her reply: Oh no I want a summer wedding!! Why does it matter if it's cold or warm outside when you are in a registry office? 

 

The whole thing has upset and annoyed us so much..Whilst I understand her reasons, I am struggling to understand why she wants it in the same week as us! I think it is very very selfish and unreasonable for her to do this and continue to think it's ok regardless of how she is upsetting people. 

 

It can't be just me is it? My Fiancé is very supportive and completely shares my views. I am very fond of his family and loved ones and I do not want to see them upset either.  Having said that.. I do not think I should be put in this position.The parents and her cannot seem to understand my feelings ...They think it is perfectly fine and of course it Is me who is causing the trouble!

 

Any advice/comments are welcome.image

 

 

Posts

  • JulyBugJulyBug Posts: 420

    I can understand why you are upset but at least she has chosen to have it four days after rather than four days before yours! 

    I do think there is a difference between a summer and a winter wedding so I understand if she wants to get married in the summer...although it does seem a bit odd that she picked a date that is so close to yours! But even then yours will be first and everyone will have that one to look forward to first...if hers is four days after it shouldn't hugely affect yours except I suppose it may mean you won't be able to go on honeymoon straight away if you're planning to be at her wedding. 

    It will mean that everyone will be talking about both your weddings but I imagine they'll be doing that anyway if she was getting married four months after at Christmas-time. I'm trying to find other ways that it will affect you so if I'm missing something really obvious then let me know! In terms of advice, hmm I'm not sure if there's anything you can do apart from sitting them down and letting them know how you feel. Is moving your wedding a possibility?? I know you shouldn't have to but if it will make you feel better and if they won't move theirs it might be something worth looking at.

  • Thanks for your reply... It's hard to explain why it affects me so much without coming across as selfish or vain. I suppose it's just not a position I ever thought I would have to be in. Yes It does detract from our wedding as people will be fussing over her plans and her expectations.. But it's the only one time in my life where it's just about my fiance and I... (everything is usually about them in their family) ..And it is not an experience that I want to share with anyone other than my Fiancé.  The whole build up to it, hen party, shopping experience... Its a once in a lifetime for me! Their first anniversary will be ours, they will ahve babies at the same time no doubt and I just do feel comfortable with it.. 

     

  • *dont

  • SheandHimSheandHim Posts: 379

    It's a really crappy situation and I would feel exactly the same as you, but I doubt she's going to move it, so I think you might have to suck it up and deal with it. Just remember; you got there first! You can spend her entire wedding talking about your wedding as well image 

  • I'm sorry that I don't have any words of encouragement but I can 100% understand where you're coming from. you're going to be planning your weddings at the same time and if you're like me you like people to feel involved and share in your experience but when it's going to be I'm having this well I'm having this it won't be as enjoyable for you. I think the same emotions would rise up even if it was a year apart because your day is always going to be super special for you and having another family member celebrating so close to yours detracts from it a little. what I can't understand is she knows when your day is and she has specifically picked a day so close. if that was me I would think I don't want to share any attention and I'd have it at a completely different time. I don't think you're out of order feeling the way you do but it's a situation where you can't change it. 

  • Haha @ SheandHim ..I might just do that.. I may even decide to wear my dress to hers also.. Surely she wouldn't see a problem with that! 

  • SheandHimSheandHim Posts: 379

    YOU COULD TOTALLY WEAR YOUR DRESS! Please do it and report back to us image

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    Sorry but actually, I think you are being quite selfish. 

    I can understand why (to a point) it could disgruntle you, but it is after your wedding, and doesn't actually clash with anything?! Yes, it probably would have been courteous for her to discuss it with you before announcing it, but so long as it's not on your actual wedding day, then really, what does it matter?!

    Stamping your foot over it is going to do nothing but make you look bad, so if I were you, I would just accept it graciously and continue enjoying the planning of your wedding and not be so worried about hers.

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    (Sorry, I realise that reads as harsh, which was not the tone I was going for) x

  • Thank you @superorganisedb2b ..It helps to know im not out of order for feeling this way! you are right.. im want people to be involved with my plans to celebrate with me.. I can see her making a competition out of it which is so wrong on every level x

  • Thanks @LeaMarie.. I suppose I have to hear this too.. You are right. . it will just make me look bad if I stamp my feet.. hence the rant on this site and not to her or her family.. The last thing I want to do it cause a fall out.. Not even of my own doing of course.. It's a really shitty situation and I am not an unreasonable person.. I would love to say 'ok go ahead' but I know myself well enough to know that I don't think I would cope very well with it and it scares me to think I could end up affecting my own relationship with my fiance as a result x

  • I'd just see how things go and if every time you talk about your wedding someone mentions hers I'm sure there's a polite way to say I would rather not know.

  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134 New bride

    I would totally be annoyed too so if it helps at all - you are not over-reacting. However I guess it does make sense for the sake of visiting relatives... and my H2B family have done this same thing for that reason. Only advice I can give you is to throw yourself into the planning with your own family because H2B family will likely be more excited about his sister. Its the whole Bride family piece taking over thing. And try to come up with loads of little touches and ideas of your own that she won't have so that your day is completely personal and individual. This is not the end of the world

    xx

  • Thank you @Toad Bride. I appreciate your comments! I more or less know that she is going to have her way regardless.. I will have to grin and bare it and I know that her wedding will not even come close to ours... However what she has done and how she has made me feel.. I will never forget it and unfortunately I cannot see us being friends after it all.. its a shame for my fiance and his family.. but it is obviously what she wants x

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    I would be annoyed but that's coz I know my SIL would do it on purpose to spite me

    I think since her wedding is smaller etc then it isn't too bad, however (if it was my SIL) what if her wedding escalates? i.e suddenly becomes a bigger day than urs? its a very stressful time, for u and ur OHs family too! that's two MOB/G outfits ur mil will have to buy, and suits etc in the same period of time, also many people might not be able to get time off for both? I don't see the issue of wanting a summer wedding when u cant guarantee the weather regardless of what time of year it is

    have u planned a honeymoon? as most people go after they get married - im guessing u haven't booked but that's more time off u will need - same for her.

    since there is no ring etc then y the rush? why cant it be the year after? how many weeks does the other sister normally visit for? a bigger gap would be better i.e. maybe another week after ur wedding?

    im afraid u might just have to put up and shut up - however I would (im quite nosey) be very chummy with SIL and plan both weddings together - so nothing is the same i.e. colours etc but also u can make sure she doesn't eclipse ur day

    also I have to ask is ur wedding a sun and hers the following thurs?

  • hf1989hf1989 Posts: 416

    In my h2b's family, everything is always about his sister too. She's even trying her utmost to make our wedding about herself  - she wants to do a power point presentation and even sing at the wedding and is always saying that it will be rubbish because h2b isn't having a best man and therefore no best man speech. H2b had a stern word with her and said that se wouldn't be invited if she carries on. I'd be really annoyed if she announced a wedding (she's nearing 40 and never had a bf, so it's unlikely) so close to mine. Some people seem to do things for attention - Christmas isn't a long time to wait. Aren't we lucky to gain new families!

  • moonpiemoonpie Posts: 166

    That would get to me as well I think but like others have said, there's not a whole lot you can do other than be gracious so that you come out on top.

    One thing I would say though is, unless you know that she would go out of her way to make her wedding different to yours, I don't think that you should share any of your wedding planning details with her. Like someone said, you don't know if hers will escalate. If you share your plans with her and she turns round after and says she's doing anything the same as you you'll just be even more annoyed whereas if you don't tell her and something she does is the same then you'll know that it's just the way it happened.

  • SheandHimSheandHim Posts: 379

    She wouldn't join this site would she? Careful of that as well! 

  • herstoryherstory Posts: 1,268

    One bride on here had her dad announce he was getting married the day before her!

    You can't change it so make the best of it, also ensure you keep somethings as 'surprises' that only you and h2b know about so she can't pinch any key ideas image

    It maybe a blessing.in disguise by keeping the in laws too busy to try and butt in on yours.

  • AyshxAyshx Posts: 4

    Hello Alexdanra, I do understand your point I had a similar problem with my fiancees brother but its all sorted now. Eventhough the dates are so close the good thing is that yours is first. Dont let it get to you, all you have to concentrate about now is your special day. Even if it was only a day after yours, people would still be looking forward to your special day first. So make sure you ignore everything else and prepare for your day with a Biiiiiggg smile on your face image

    P.S. Im getting married on the same date as you! image

    Love from Aysh xx
    www.ayseozalkan.com

  • MLGMLG Posts: 5

    Personally, I think you are overreacting. I think her reasons are perfectly valid. Frankly, you have one day to celebrate your wedding. You can't control when other people get married, and if she wants to get married so that her sister can be there and save money on flying over again, that's fair enough. I would say just smile and accept it. It isn't worth ruining or jeopardising your relationship with your in-laws over it.

  • Hi MGL.. I don't think im overreacting at all.. If she hadn't put me in this position I wouldn't have to jepordise the relationship.. It has been a resounding response from all of my family, h2b and the mutual friends that we have.. I spoke with her and she now realises how out of order she is being as there are other times in the year that would be perfectly fine for her to do it.. she admitted she was being awkward about it.. I think im well within my rights... Thanks though for your comment. . Fingers crossed this would never happen to you image

  • SheandHimSheandHim Posts: 379

    Is she moving her date then?

  • Yes @sheandhim ..Very relieved xx

  • SheandHimSheandHim Posts: 379

    YAY! The powers of persuasionimage

  • MLGMLG Posts: 5

    Well i'm glad you got it sorted. Personally, if my sister decided to get married four days after me I wouldn't mind, I'd be happy that she had found the love of her life and was getting married. I just don't see why people (and this isn't solely directed at you) feel the need to lay claim to whole periods of time when it's their wedding. You get one day to get married- you don't get one week, or two weeks or whatever. Anything that happens AFTER you get married you don't really get a say in. That's my opinion anyway.

     

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    so glad its getting changed! how did u manage to get her to see sense?

  • heliganedenheliganeden Posts: 1,848

    I agree with MLG, I'm surprised she changed her date and in her position I'd have been livid if someone tried and dictate the date of my wedding because they want to be the centre of attention for a whole month (and the year leading up to it!!)

    I think her reasons were perfectly valid tbh, if her sister lives abroad and would be here it's a logical plan.

    I guess she's moved the date for an easy life because she'd never hear the end of it if she'd have stuck to her original plan, I think it's very self centred to think no other events can happen within a certain time scale of your wedding

  • Appreciate this issue is now resolved but just to say I totally agree with you and think it would be out of order for her to have her wedding in the same week. Yes, her family is over from America, yes it would be after yours and not before... but come on! Glad she's changed it because I do think that would have been stealing your thunder and I would be just as upset as you were! Mainly because it makes you feel unreasonable for feeling that way and makes you look like a bridezilla.

    The wedding involves so many of the same people due to you being the same family that people would inevitably compare (even if subconsciously) the weddings. Also the issue that people might not be able to afford two weddings in such a short space of time, so they decide to "go easy" at yours and save themselves for the other wedding...

    Glad it's resolved image

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