Feeling Disheartened

I'm feeling completely disheartened about the whole wedding planning process at the moment and feel like I've completely lost sight of what I wanted in the first place.

Very quickly after getting engaged me and my fiancé decided we wanted a destination wedding in either Umbria or Tuscany.  After spending hours and hours we found the venue that made us stop looking and we were set to book.  Then there were two spanners in the works.  First we were told we had to limit our guest list to 40 and then we were told that the week we wanted was fully booked (were limited to school holidays because of children and teachers) and none of the other weeks are suitable/rental price doubles because of the time of year.

We went back to the start and narrowed it down to 2 venues.  We changed our criteria slightly and thought we should find somewhere everyone can stay together as its more about us spending time with everyone etc.  Anyway I am happy to compromise and go with the venue my fiancé loves more as its beautiful anyway but I just can't seem to get excited about it all and my heart sinks when I think about booking it and where I feel like we might as well just go down to the local town hall and save our money.  

I think its just because the first venue we loved is no longer a possibility and I was so excited about it.  We live in Australia as well and so can't really view venues beforehand which I'm struggling with as I know if I could just see a few in person I would get really excited.

Has anybody else felt like this?  Is it a sign we shouldn't book the venue?  A friend who is also planning her wedding from Australia (back in the UK) has told me to just book as then we have the wedding to look forward to and focus on and she thinks Italy is what we really want and we're in the process of talking ourselves out of it xxx

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  • JulyBugJulyBug Posts: 420

    Oh I really feel for you future mrs bee! We are getting married in Tuscany next year and I found the whole venue-finding process SO stressful and difficult - and we at least were able to go there and see some of the possibilities!

    I def think you should feel excited about the one that you choose - so whether it's because you need time to 'get over' the first venue or to be sure that the venue you have now chosen is right for you, I think you need to make sure you feel better before you make a big decision like this.

    When I went out to Tuscany to look at places with my fiance and his mum, they both fell in love with one venue whereas I fell in love with another. It was SO HARD because we were the only three people who had seen both venues - but I had reservations about the place they liked and every time I thought about booking it, I felt so sad! It was an okay place but it wasn't 'right'! So I ended up having a massive bridezilla moment and basically put my foot down and chose the place I liked. Now, two months later, I'm so so sure that it was the right choice and I'm SO GLAD I went with the one I wanted.

    You've got to invest a lot of money in your chosen venue and have to commit to being happy with it so I def think you shouldn't until you're 100% sure - either with this place or somewhere else.

    Do you mind sharing which venue it is? I may have seen it or can tell you about the places I saw if that's helpful!!

  • Thank you so much July Bug, everything you've said has really hit home. How did you find and narrow down your venues? I think I've lost count of the number of venues and quotes we've got and I just feel exhausted by it all. The place my fiancé wants to book and that I agree is probably the one is called casa cornacchi, did you view it? Which venues did you look at and which did you decide on? Were looking for a farmhouse type venue something quite intimate and rustic, did you see anything like that?xxx

  • JulyBugJulyBug Posts: 420

    Okay so I haven't viewed Casa Cornachhi but I'm pretty sure I recognise it from Rock My Wedding - one of the RMW Real Brides is getting married there I think (I recognise it from the pics). All her posts are here (http://www.rockmywedding.co.uk/category/sophie-and-simon/) and there's lots of photos of the venue here: http://www.rockmywedding.co.uk/what-sophie-did-fell-in-love-with-italy-again/

    To be honest it looks gorgeous but obviously it is you that has to feel that way! We're having 120 people otherwise I would def have looked at that place. I don't know if there's a way that you can contact Sophie but I think she got married there recently so might be able to talk to you about it? I also expect that she will be posting her wedding report at some point on the RMW site.

    So I looked at five venues - four in Tuscany and the one that we chose is quite rustic - Villa Catignano. I loved it because it has absolutely stunning views, is close to Siena, has accommodation for 80-90 people. You may have already come across it and discounted it but worth a quick look if not. 

    You have my total sympathy because I remember how stressful and difficult it was looking at places and having to choose them based on just the photos. Have you thought about getting a wedding planner to help? I know that it's an extra cost but it may help since you're so far away.

  • Yes I have red all of those - I'm a bit of a RMW addict and that was one of the ways I came across the venue as she gave it such an amazing write up.  The reviews are also amazing on tripadvisor and I've seen the venue on a few other blogs.  I can't even explain it I just don't have the right feeling about it.  We are travelling back to Europe next Easter so I am thinking we might have to just wait but then there is the risk we won't get our preferred dates.  

    I know that once we have the venue booked I will be a lot happier as well.  The whole process of finding a venue is making me want to pack it in though as I don't think it should be making me this stressed/miserable.  Neither of our families also seem to want to have any involvement which I'm a bit disappointed about.  My mum helped my sister plan her whole wedding and when we got engaged she really couldn't have cared less and it was actually my dad who asked us what we were thinking of doing etc.  We have to really nag them too to look at anything we send to them to ask their opinion on.

    I'm just looking at your venue now - its absolutely gorgeous!  What was the name of the place that your fiancé preferred?  Have you hired a wedding planner?  I am thinking I might as it would be good to have somebody guide me through the process especially as we're half way across the world xxx

       

  • JulyBugJulyBug Posts: 420

    Oh sorry - telling you what you already know haha! I def think that you should take your time and make sure you're 100% happy before booking it...it should be something exciting not something making you stressed and miserable. I know exactly how you feel though - I was getting so unhappy before we went to Italy because I felt like nothing was going to feel right. It's hard to snap out of feeling that way if you heart isn't in it so you totally have my sympathies!

    That's also rubbish that your family aren't that involved - did your sis get married recently? Maybe they are feeling 'weddinged' out or something. Do you think you could talk to them about it? They prob have no idea and would be horrified if they knew they were making you feel this way (I hope so!!) and maybe because you're not in the same country, they are letting it slide a bit when they should.

    The other place that we saw was called "Castello di Leonina". It was really really stunning - it's located on the top of a hill with the Tuscan countryside all around...the viewings were absolutely amazing. It had a few drawbacks that ended up being deal breakers for me - the main one was that there wasn't a 'nice' Catholic church nearby apart from the chapel they've got there but that wasn't big enough for for our wedding. It has 21 rooms on site which was really nice and important for us but because it's a hotel we were quite restricted in terms of what we could have - obviously had to use all their food, wine etc. I was by then already sold on the idea of a villa where we could bring all our own booze etc.

    We haven't hired a planner but I'm actually beginning to regret that decision and may have to reconsider! I'm finding it harder to get answers from the lady who owns the villa and have no idea about sourcing suppliers etc so I think that, while expensive, a planner may really help put my mind at rest! xx

  • Which suppliers do you need to find?  As I've been researching venues I've noted a few good florists, photographers and found a few bands (not sure how good they are) so am happy to share the links.  Do you need to sort out a caterer or does the villa do that for you?  I looked up the other venue and definitely prefer the one that you have chosen!!

    I decided last night nothing was ever going to compare to the first place we wanted to book and we could make it work for us (I keep looking on the website and every time I see it I feel so disappointed that we won't be getting married there).  The main draw back for me for our first venue was that we are only allowed 40 guests but we went through our guest list a few weeks ago and out of the list thought that only 44 would come anyway so thought it would be silly to change our venue for people we don't even know will come.  Did you ask people in advance if they would be coming to your wedding?  Most of our friends know we are getting married in Italy but we've only had a few say they will come (we haven't asked everyone for yes or no answers yet though).

    I emailed the venue about having the wedding the last week of August/first week of September so it will fall over a public holiday and its free and we are also being given September rather than August prices.  We wanted it in May really but August would probably be better  My fiancé is happy to book too so I think we are just going to go for it - I just really hope the guest list issue doesn't come back to bite us :S xx  

  • JulyBugJulyBug Posts: 420

    Ooh so you've decided to go with your first venue? That's awesome, I think if you can make it work that at least it'll be the place that you've lost your heart to! We sent out a save the date a month ago and asked people to let us know by 1 Sep if they can make it. We did it quite early but that's mainly because I've got a lot of family in Australia so we needed to give them quite a lot of notice. I'm sure if you know your guest list is max 40 you can keep to that - I'm sure you'll worry about it but everyone does and at least you know - plus I'm SURE if you have a few extra bodies they're not going to throw them out! Have they explained why they're limiting the numbers to 40? On their website, it says 80 people outside I thought I read!

    I know you wanted May but I actually think August/Sep will be better - I really wanted last week of May but the venue wasn't free and, actually, I think the weather is more temperamental then (I was there in mid May and it was really really windy!). That's not to say that you wouldn't have had an amazing time but I think you're guaranteeing the weather a bit more in Aug/Sep which is good!

    Ooh if you do have any links, that would be amazing! I'd especially love florists and bands. image We have two caterers based in Siena that the villa people recommended but if you've got anyone you can suggest that would be amazing. I haven't really done too much looking yet but will def start soon so will pass on any really good finds too! 

    Congrats on making your decision - I vote you should go for it!image 

  • Thanks image this one is limited to 40 - its called Chiesa Del Carmine in Umbria but I get butterflies when I think about booking it it makes me that excited!  Yes I was thinking that too about the weather.  We really wanted to have our ceremony outside (it will just be symbolic so not sure where we will do the legal side) so at least there is less chance of it getting rained off!

    Two different florists seem to keep popping up on all the wedding blogs I read (not sure how close to you they will be though).  One is La Rosa Canina and the other is Stiatti Fiori, I think I emailed La Rosa Canina for a quote though and they were expensive - their flowers are beautiful though.  Also for bands I have seen a few of the weddings have used alma project.  I will definitely let you know if I come across anybody else that looks good too!

    Did you do a wedding website for your guests?  I think with ours being destination that we will do just so everybody can access the information xx

  • JulyBugJulyBug Posts: 420

    Oh sorry of course - I was looking at the wrong one! Oh my goodness, your chosen place looks completely amazing...I'm not surprised at all that you fell in love with it! Wow. Have you guys booked it now?

    Thanks for the florists suggestions - will have a look at those. We're off to Italy at the end of Sep so I'm going to try and visit as many of these places as poss. If we see anyone good, I will def let you know. image

    We're going to do a wedding website - I think it's just the easiest way of getting all the information to people like you say. We'll prob include the main bits in the invite but a website just allows you to add everything you'd like to include without worrying about space/cost etc. We're doing ours on Weebly but I'm leaving that side of things to my fiance to sort out as he's more technical than me!image

  • Thank you image we're just waiting to receive the final details about paying the deposit and any contract we need to sign.  I will be really happy once its final and we've paid our deposit!  Did you have any luck finding any caterers?  What are the ones like your venue has recommended?  Have you chosen a photographer yet?  I think I will definitely be delegating the wedding website to my fiancé!  I'm so excited to start planning all of the details but August 2016 feels so far away - May 2016 felt a lot closer!! xxx  

  • JulyBugJulyBug Posts: 420

    Oh yay, I'm so happy that you're going with your favourite choice - that's brilliant!! How exciting. image So we got nowhere emailing the venue owner re: caterers so my future MIL has agreed to call her as she speaks Italian and can hopefully get more out of her. We also need details of the church because we need to find out if it's free on our chosen day - but she doesn't seem to get what I'm asking! So hopefully that'll be sorted sometime soon if MIL can get through to her. We haven't chosen a photographer yet - I'd really like to use someone in Italy just because it's nice to use local suppliers and also because flying someone out sounds expensive! But I'm struggling to find people. My fiance emailed Lisa Poggi who told us her rates and we asked if she was free and that we'd like to book her and she hasn't replied, despite numerous emails! Weird. So back to the drawing board haha.

    I know how you feel about August feeling further away than May. We were also going for end-May next year and that was what I was fixed on...until my fave venue didn't have any availability! So we had to settled for July and I was miserable because it felt like MUCH LONGER...but now it's 1 year and 2 days away! You'll find exactly the same thing - it's all going to go so fast...I BET you'll be on here writing your wedding report and saying how quickly the time went haha. 

    I came across this interesting site today via lovemydress - it's a florists: http://en.stiattifiori.it/ - I've emailed to find out if they're ludicrously expensive as I've found that quite a lot of florists there are - we were told to budget €4k for flowers, erm!! Will let you know what they say. image

  • Did the florist get back to you?  I emailed one of them and the price was about 5k minimum I think.  I thought I had read the email wrong at first!!  I would be happy to go to a flower market and do them myself (my mum did this for my sister's wedding and the flowers were beautiful so she could help) but I know I would be up the night before worrying that the right flowers weren't available or that something goes wrong etc.

    That's disappointing about the venue owner - I hope its just the language barrier and that when your mother in law speaks to her everything gets sorted out.  I have emailed Lisa Poggi previously too and didn't get an answer from her.  I emailed Lelia Scarfiotti too and no reply.  I didn't know with mine if it was because our wedding is so far away.  I emailed a UK photographer I love though and she replied and said she would be able to come etc and told me all of the prices so I think we will just fly one over.  It really puts me off when people don't reply to emails though.

    Do you have your dress sorted?  I saw on your blog that you are having one made specially I think?  So exciting!  I am planning to go dress shopping next Easter when I'm back in the UK.  I don't really know where to start though as there are so many beautiful dresses.  I have a list of designers I want to try and I'm going to try and stay open minded.  There is also a dress maker/designer in Brisbane who makes the most beautiful dresses so after my trip home once I know what suits me I'm going to try and get an appointment xxx         

  • You could have your wedding in Australia and then a party in your chosen venue if that makes things any easier?  It may not.  I got married in Hawaii myself and at the time lived in the UK (where I'm from but I now live in Australia) and I waited until I got there to book the venue which worked out ok.. it is stressful!

  • LeliaLelia Posts: 1

    Dear ms. thefuturemrsbee,
    I am truly sorry...I just saw this...but I didn't get any mail from you...if not I would have answered for sure...
    Really hope that everything went well....

    Wish you the best of luck and sorry once again
    Lelia Scarfiotti

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