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FMIL not interested! 😡

Hi guys

I hope I don't sound like an idiot but...
It really frustrates me that my FMIL and my fiancé's sister (her daughter) are really not interested in our wedding?! (We get married in 9 months)

We got engaged nearly a year ago but a couple of months before we got engaged, his sister announced she was pregnant (now I don't want to sound judgmental but she got pregnant with an older man she had known for 8 weeks ..and she also planned the pregnancy by the way) And the only interest his family have is the baby.
It's lovely there's now a baby in the family, the first grandchild blah blah ..but all I'm asking is for them to show a little bit of interest in our wedding.

Myself and my H2B are quite traditional in the sense we want to get married before we have children, we also both have good careers, we've just brought a lovely home (which we scrimped and saved for) and I've never had help off my parents (nor has he) ...and yet his parents have spent thousands of pounds on baby stuff for her because she doesn't work, brought her a car and yet they are so immensely proud of her (they say this everyday) because she had a baby.
Every time we visit all they talk about is how many poo's the baby has done today, etc. I'm classed as an under achiever in his family because we have not yet had a baby (a question his mum is ALWAYS asking us!!)

My career means that I have to travel all around the world, stay in some amazing countries and in 5* hotels which my parents (and family friends) are really proud of and always asking me questions about where I'm flying to next etc,.. But again this is no interest to his family.

I always try and sound interested in their lives and ask questions (even though I'm not really interested at least I pretend!) they don't even pretend to be interested in mine/ours.
When I mention the wedding they just change the subject back to talking about the baby.

I even casually asked his mum if she had any ideas for her outfit and she just said 'I want to wear black'

His parents are not married so maybe this is a subject they're just not interested in?

I've mentioned it to by H2B and he says 'that's just the way they are'

Any advice would be great. Thanks

Posts

  • PopsyxxPopsyxx Posts: 1,009

    yoi aren't the only one! We don't have a baby in the family but OHs family don't show any interest. They aren't even coming to the wedding! We are getting married in Cuba and his mum gave lame excuses as to why she wouldn't come which made me blood boil- it's nothing to do with money as she is supposedly going to give us some towards the wedding which to be quite frank I don't want!! Would rather her actually be there for her son. 

    Sister ww haven't spoken to for about a year now. To begin with I used to stress about it all but now I just look at it as we have been fine with them for the last year so we don't need them to plan our wedding. just forget about them and focus on your plans and what you want. It's some less people having a moan at what they want at your weddingimage 

    it was hard though because I am such a family person so found it hard them not showing a interest but there's nothing you can do about it xxx

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    Its a shame that they are missing out on organising the wedding with you. They might be jealous of your lifestyle but to be honest it sounds like they are quite old fashioned and see the world from a different perspective.

    Having them involved could actually cause more problems than you need, I have read loads of posts about friends/family enforcing their opinions and this way the two of you can have what you really want image I know we have had a few tricky moments. Surround yourselves with those who do want to be involved and focus on what you have as you only plan a wedding once image Unless you plan to renew your vows every year? image

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    please try to ignore them unfortunatly thats just they way they are and they will always be that way! for my wedding it was all about my SIL and how it was such a special day as she was a bm, not special for their son or me but for her, and gran in law even went as far as going up to my mum and telling her that my sil would have made a much prettier bride (im an only child so sort of ruined my mums day - as well as all the other comments)

    live your life without them - its what im doinging as my inlaws r rude too

  • MrsG23MrsG23 Posts: 231

    Oh Love, I feel your pain!! My FMIL (I get married in 47 hours!) has never been all that interested in our wedding either.. She goes on and on about her daughter, my FSIL, promotion at Macdonalds, but never made much about the fact her eldest son - who has qualified and progressed to senior member of staff within 2 years!! It has always upset me - but I have had to bite my tongue about a lot of things.

    Suprisingly, within the final week of planning, she has been really quite helpful and shown the first bit of enthusiasm towards it - weve been engaged 2.5 years.

    Sometimes, you have to just let them get on with it, because it most likely wont ever change... Youve gotta just do whatever makes you happy! image 

    xx

  • Thanks for all the advice guys image

  • KateMarried3KateMarried3 Posts: 339

    Wow, that really is an awful situation.  You should be proud of yourselves and joyful in your wedding regardless.  I would distance myself from them or anyone negative who doesn't feel like celebrating your happiness and surround yourself with people who do..Their attitude may extend to other big events in your future life together, like job promotions, travel, your own babies, etc.  You will just need to let it go and stick with other positive people, because they are adults and you can't change their behavior.  The more you associate with it too, the more it will frustrate you.

  • That's really unfair that all the attention is on your future sister in law and not your wedding. We've had to put up with similar stress from future in laws. They've expressed next to no interest and then next thing is we're accused of not involving them and told they won't feel welcome at our wedding! It's been an absolute nightmare so I share your pain...wish I knew what the answer was... image

  • Letty LouLetty Lou Posts: 219

    Really sorry to hear what you are going through. My fmil leaves at the other side of the country, hasn't done anything to help but is going away for a week before our wedding (the week before our wedding!!) so that they aren't stressed out & our nice & relaxed for it! If she tells me one more time how relaxed she will be & how she is glad she won't be here for all the stress I might scream!!

    They are also paying for my fbil to go away with them as they have given us some money towards the wedding & he won't get anything otherwise! Don't get me wrong we are very grateful for what they gave us, but I know his holiday costs more than what we had given & I am hoping that one day he will meet someone who makes him as happy as my h2b makes me (& that his parents approve of!)

    After issues with the in-laws & major bridesmaid dramas we have come to the conclusion that as long as we are happy with the day & come away as man & wife that's all that matters! Xxx 

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