Bridesmaid Issues

Hi all,
I am hoping you can help me, i feel really terrible but I think I need to ask one of my bridesmaids to step down.
I am getting married in April next year, and I have six bridesmaids in total, a mixture of family and friends.
I have one particular bridesmaid who is an old friend that I feel is being tricky, and we have grown apart so much in the last year because of her behaviour. I may be being a total bridezilla and totally over reacting. I just don't know!
I asked my sister to be maid of honour, and this other bridesmaid went round telling everyone she was maid of honour which upset my sister. She also said to another bridesmaid ' I can't believe she asked YOU to be a bridesmaid'.


When we went bridesmaid dress shopping she had a face like thunder, and kept throwing dirty looks at the other maids. When we finally did find a dress, she said she didn't like it and wasn't sure about it. We all managed to convince her that it was the right dress, as everyone else loved it.
She shows no interest in the wedding, this doesn't really bother me as much as I put this down to the fact that she isn't at this stage in her life and maybe she finds it boring.
I asked her to go and get measured for a decent strapless bra, as the one she has isn't supportive enough, and the lady in the dress shop actually said this to her. I just want her to look her nicest on the wedding day. However when she was measured for her dress, she still had the same ill fitting bra on. I know it sounds selfish, but I don't want her to look like that in my wedding pictures. I know that money isn't an issue and she could afford to buy a new bra. I thought it was a small price to pay since I am paying £200 each for the dresses.

I have also tried contacting her numerous times in the past few weeks and try to arrange to meet and start coversations with her, and she has ignored me everytime. She only seems to want to know me when one of her other friends is busy, however she gets really jealous of me having other friends. She has even added some of my friends on facebook even though she has never met them before.

I have already had to speak to her, as four different bridesmaids on seperate occassions have said that she has made them feel uncomfortable in one way or another, by either throwing them dirty looks or just staring at them, or blanking them completly. She said she wasn't aware she was doing it, but i'm not so sure!

There is other stuff she has done that isn't assosiated to the wedding that I disagree with, and has made me question our friendship also. I just worry on the wedding day, she is going to cause me more stress because of her attitude. We don't really have anything in common any more.

I would appreciate any advice or words of wisdom you may have for me. Thank You

Posts

  • moonpiemoonpie Posts: 166

    I think that quite often people on here can encourage brides to 'fire' their bridesmaids too readily but I think it this situation it definitely sounds like you would be justified in doing so!

    Tell me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you are questioning your actual friendship with her overall as well as whether or not you want her as a bridesmaid. I think that's the main thing that you should think about here. I think in most situations, demoting a bridesmaid is likely to mean jeopardising that friendship and potentially losing it, which is why I think if it's someone who is usually a good friend but just a pain in the arse as a bridesmaid, then it's best just to grin and bear it for the sake of your friendship, but it sounds like losing this friendship might not be the worst thing for you.

    Do you think this is something you could talk over and work through?

     

     

  • CD0412CD0412 Posts: 144

    I have two words for you honey - DITCH HER!

  • This kind of thing is why I never had traditional bridesmaids.  All I have ever heard about from other brides is the bickering, the jealousy, the unhelpfulness, and the challenges in trying to coordinate them all.  This marriage, my sister bought a dress and did a reading, if you want to call that a bridesmaid, but that was about it.  I could not deal with coordinating schedules, girls bickering, trying to get consensus on a dress, backtalking about the expense of being a BM, etc.  And for what?  So that they are supposedly helping with the wedding planning? Thanks, but I need to do my own research, planning, and decision making anyway. I am all for dismissing anyone who actually isn't helping the cause.  You have enough on your plate as it is.

  • Letty LouLetty Lou Posts: 219

    I'm in a similar situation myself & can't work out what to do for the best, I don't know about you but I have so many people giving me their two pence worth I have decided to let the dust settle & have a good think not only about her being part of our day but also our friendship as a whole & then go from there. Good luck hun xx

  • emzlooemzloo Posts: 53

    i have experienced the exact same and i am now 1 bridesmaid down. and i feel a hundred times better for it image xx

     

  • Bubbles91Bubbles91 Posts: 120

    I agree with Chicat ...people are quick on here to encourage you to sack off maids but I think you would be 100% justified in your decision!

    Everyone else seems to be getting along, having a fun time and supporting you, except her.

    For me personally, I will end a friendship if I become 'that friend' who is only bothered with when no one else is around, so if a bridesmaid did this to me, she would be SO gone!

    Also, this is supposed to be the best day of your life, all about you and H2B, with the support of your family and friends, not a party with a bitch-fest ...Dont give her the opportunity to let this happen.

    I have purposely chosen one bridesmaid for this reason, my sister ...nothing is going to ruin it on the day.  Though I understand this isn't easy for many who have large groups of female friends xxx

  • Hello,

    Thank you for all your replies, you have made me feel a lot better about the situation. I think I know what I need to do.
    We are having a BBQ this weekend for the bridesmaids and the groomsmen so they can all meet each other if they haven't done so already.
    I think I will see how she acts at this BBQ, my feeling is she will act jealous or not even turn up at all, but we will see!

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    Ooh, you haven't come back and updated! How did the BBQ go?

    I had 2 bridesmaids for my wedding, one who lives a couple of hours away but she's a forever friend, she didn't have a lot to do for the wedding at all, just turn up but basically her attitude was this, tell me what to wear, what I need to do etc - fabulous, this is what you want and my other bridesmaid was asking me the same and what needs doing etc? These 2 girls would put themselves out for me and that's exactly what a bride needs!

    Having been married before, I didn't have this attitude from my bridesmaids at that time - they were more concerned about themselves, their children (who were also invited to the wedding) the menu, one changed her mind about having the hairdresser do her hair at least 5 times before the wedding (that's 5 times me having to contact the hairdresser) and then turned up late on the day which neither myself or the hairdresser were happy about, one of them basically invited her mother to come to the wedding on the day itself! Needless to say these so called friends are no longer my friends so it's definitely a case of knowing who your true friends really are!

  • Hiya,

    The BBQ went ok really! She came but she was really, really quiet and spent the whole evening staring at one of my other maids, and then everytime this maiden said something it was like she was trying to out do her with a better story.

    Yesterday, I met up with her and had a long chat with her, and gave her some home truths. She admitted that he has been a poor friend, and it's something that she needs to work on, and she also said that she doesn't have any issues with any of the other bridesmaids apart from one! (this happnes to be the one that she was gawping at during the bbq)
    She said she feels a bit jealous of the other bridesmaid as she is really pretty and felt insecure due to the fact that she didn't really know her. I suggested me, her and the other BM go out for a meal, so she can get to know her, and she can see, she has nothing to worry about.
    It was a long chat, and she was aware of her behaviour, but assured me that she does want to be part of the wedding and she is going to try harder.
    She is on her last chance and she knows this now, so we will see if anything improves!

  • oh god she sounds just like my sister! she is the bridesmaid from hell! has a stinking attitude, hates 2 of my other bridesmaids, complains about EVERYTHING, she was my maid of honour but she threw a paddy over something stupid and said she wasnt coming so i chose another of my bridesmaids to be maid of honour.. anyway she decided she was coming and now shes just a bridesmaid sooo i feel your pain! 

    If she wasnt my sis she would have been sacked already!

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