How to deal with my mother

I've been planning my wedding for the last 12 months and my big day is in 10 weeks, my mum has been a big support throughout this time but a few things are causing me stress and I'm not sure how to handle it, my mum can be quite overbearing and opinionated at times and has a tendency to make things about her self, on the day we went shopping for and found my dress we were given a recommendation for an occasionwear store nearby and decided to stop in in the way home, the day ended up becoming all about my mothers outfit and I spent two hours running around a changing room after her, two days later when we returned to my dress shop to confirm my choice of gown she insisted we call back to her shop for further shopping, again the whole day became about her, she has since returned the dress and had another custom made with a huge skirt which has upset me a little as it's practically a ball gown, I was also considering wearing her veil on the day but have since realised it does not work with my dress and doesn't look right and I would love to wear a headpeice instead, however when I brought this up a few weeks back she snapped at me and gave me the silent treatment, there are other things she has pointed out that she doesn't like or agree with such as hymns for the service and when we mentioned that one of them was also sang at my in laws wedding she immediately said I needed to pick one from hers as if it were a competition, I love my mum dearly but I'm scared of confrontation and she can fly off the handle unpredictably so I find it hard to express myself if I'm upset.

sorry for the long winded post but it just feels good to get it off my chest. 


  • Jomc11Jomc11 Posts: 484

    It may be she is just very excited at the thought of the wedding.

    Is there anyone else that you can say to that could have a word with her? If not you may have to as it could get out of hand if you let it go further, explain as much as you value her opinion/input at the end of the day it is your day, as for the veil can you show her it doesn't actually go that way she may see herself & no mother would want her daughter anything but coordinating dress wise

  • wilson2bwilson2b Posts: 272

    I know exactly how you feel, however your mum will have been waiting to be the MoB for a long time and she's probably over excited and slightly forgetting about who the day is really for. 

    With regards to the veil; you want to be comfortable and look stunning. If you want a headpiece, wear one. I've given up consulting my MoB because she is hard work. 

    Music - surely this is a decision for you and your HtB. As long as you two are happy with the choices then I think everyone will understand that it's your day. 

    These 10 weeks will fly by. Maybe try not to talk about the wedding with your mother if it's causing stress? It would be horrible to have an awkward moment on your wedding day. 

    Good luck  x

  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134 New bride

    I can sympathise too - my Mum was hard work at times during my wedding planning - right up until after the meal - haha! But it was 100% because she wanted me to have an amazing day and had clearly been looking forward to it for a very long time. At times I don't think she was even aware that she was upsetting me to be honest and during one disagreement I just replied "that's not a very nice thing to say" and she apologised profusely - at that point she got it. After that she was a lot more tactful and just respected a lot of my decisions that previously she had disagreed with - she has subsequently admitted that they were a good idea after all (case in point here is cake boxes!) and I can honestly say that our relationship is much better now than it was during the planning. Stick it out - you'll be fine xx

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