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Uninviting someone from our wedding

Has anyone ever had to uninvited someone from their wedding?? How did you do it?

We get married in 3 weeks but have to confirm final numbers next week. I’ve had a bit of a falling out with a ‘friend’ but to be honest it’s been a long time coming, I’m just usually not confrontational…but on this occasion I had to say something!

Do I just assume she knows not to come or do I have to make it official? I just feel like such a cow doing it as she doesn’t have many friends but I’ve thought long and hard about it and it’s the best thing for me.

Any advice gratefully received!

Xx

Posts

  • Sparkle15Sparkle15 Posts: 132

    I think you already answered your own question with your open and closed quotations for 'friend' and 'i've thought long and hard and it the best thing for me'

    But all I advise is:

    Do not make a hasty and impactful decision as this unless you are sure it is the end of your friendship.

    Once you tell her she can not come or you do not want her there, I doubt that a friendship would continue.

    You just have to ask your self: Was the argument worth losing a friend? Would you really rather her not there? Is she / has she really been a bad friend?

    If all answer are YES! and you definitely do not want her to attend then make it official. 

    Call her and let her know considering the tension between you both, you do not think it would be wise for her to be present at your wedding.

    The thing is you want to be happy and comfortable on your big day. If anyone is going to affect that then they should not be there. 

     

    Good Luck 

     

     

  • Thanks for the replies!

    I'm not sure I'd really be missing out on anything by it being the end of our friendship if I'm honest. But I do still feel bad as I feel sorry for her. In my heart of hearts i'd prefer for her not to be there but I'm not sure I can actually go through with uninviting her. It just seems so nasty!

  • Could you not try talking to her about whatever it was you fell out about?  Maybe a good old heart to heart with a bottle of wine is what you both need to build bridges?  xx

  • Cattyf123 wrote (see)

    Could you not try talking to her about whatever it was you fell out about?  Maybe a good old heart to heart with a bottle of wine is what you both need to build bridges?  xx

    I don't think so, it's a bit beyond that. It's so hard to do it without being a total b!tch.

  • laurapjlaurapj Posts: 726

    I'm crap with wording these things but could you do it passively along the lines of 'in light of recent events please don't feel obliged to come to the wedding if it's awkward'? Ack, I don't know, I don't think there's a nice way of doing it. Is there a mutual friend who could advise her not to go? or you or your fiance (if you don't want to do it directly) be honest and say it's been playing on your mind and you're really worried there will be an atmosphere between you.

    Good luck with it whatever you end up doing. If it's any consolation, I ended up with a couple of people I have problems with at the wedding and it was fine, I was just civil and just didn't spend any more time with them than necessary xx

     

  • My h2B has had extremely tense relations with many of his extended family over the years.  We politely invited them anyway and some of them came, some of them didn't. The wedding was large enough (100) that if we didn't want to spend time with someone in particular, we didn't have to.  And there wasn't any risk of these particular people causing a scene or anything, so who cares if they were present.  If your wedding is large enough and you don't think there could be a nasty scene if she is present, why not just let her come and let it be. Now if you think she may actually do something nasty or sabatoge some part of your day, then a formal "uninvite" should be forthcoming and you shouldn't feel badly about it.  If you think this person may deliberately try to ruin your day, politely ask them not to attend and leave it at that.

  • Hi

    Woken up early on honeymoon and hubby is still snoozing so thought I'd update this a wee bit! So I did end up uninviting this couple. She emailed me asking of the fact we hadn't spoken for a bit meant she and her  husband were no longer invited. I took that as a chance to say that under the circumstances I'd prefer of they didn't. I think she'd expected me to say 'oh no don't be daft' as I usually would so I got a bit of abuse back and them the guilt trip but I can honestly say it was the correct decision. 

    We had the most perfect wedding day, best day of our lives. At one point during dinner I looked out at the room from the top table and felt so chuffed that all those people had made the effort and were there to celebrate with us and I could honestly say we wanted every one of them there. I was so glad I'd stood my ground!

    Thanks for all the advice! If anyone else ever goes through similar my advice would be to do it. It's hard at the time but definitely worth it!

    C xx

  • Hi,I think you just let her come and try to treat her as same as your other friends if she don't have the attention to disturb your wedding.There is no need to take an extremely action!

  • Thanks but if you read my update I already uninvited her and it all worked out for the best. I now hope to cut her and her negativity out of my life cometely!

    c x

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