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Family drama

I have asked about this before but I need some more confirmation and advice on what to do. 

Myself and my sister have never really seen eye to eye. Don't get me wrong I love her but she treats me like such a kid. She's a year older then me and we are both in our early twenties now. She's like that aunty you had who didn't see you enough so still thought of you as a child and would treat you as such, including the big slobbery kiss upon hellos and goodbyes. Plus criticising every decision you make and constantly needing to assert her 'authority'. She was a tad jealous when I got engaged, telling me that she should be the first one to get married. Due to all of this I have decided that I do not want her involved in the wedding. I would like her to come to it all, and perhaps do a reading but I don't want her as part of my bridal party.

Our other adopted sister however will be involved. She's not perfect, but she does make an effort and she does treat me like an adult. The two of them dislike each other immensely and I have been told that my biological sister will consider it a slap in the face that I have chosen our adopted sister over her.

I was all stick to my guns and this is what I want, but after plucking up the courage to speak to our mother about the topic and sharing my plans with her I've been left feeling guilty. I've been told to go and talk to her about it and I think I should do this because I don't want this information to be sprung onto her but If that goes wrong I think I will be guilted into involving her more then I would like. 

Any advice? Encouragement? Similar experiences? 

Posts

  • Firstly what sticks out like a sore thumb is that you have a biological older sister and then a younger "adopted" sister.

    Do you not think of your younger sister as part of your family? Why should there be a difference between the two sisters? Does your older sister think the "adopted " sister is less of a sister for some reason?

    I think you could end up offending both sisters if you don't involve them both especially the younger sister who has been labelled!

  • Len3Len3 Posts: 55

    Hi,you no have reason feel quilty..sister normaly is suport,with my experience with my older sister is similar..just not care about her or her criticism,its very hard decision not share with her nothing but it will be best way that you can do...remember wedding will be about you and your husband and try doing your special and most beautiful day how you want and not how want people from your family...Do not listen to criticism your sister or tell to her how you feel about her.

    Good luck and have a most amazing wedding day!!image

  • Little JulesLittle Jules Posts: 1,538

    That;s very tricky, I can understand why you are not sure that you want her, but I guess you have to figure out whether it's worth the family upset, or if you think that it may be worth seeing if you can include her. I think you have to be prepared that if you do include her, she may be a bit difficult, but that may be worth peace in the family!

  • I think most people with siblings get along better with one than another (regardless of biological connection). I think, more interesting, is that sometimes our relationships change with our siblings over the years. In our younger years, we might get along better with one than another, and that can change as we change and our life circumstances change. Being that you don't absolutely HATE your one sister and that you plan on having her involved in the wedding to some degree, maybe it would be worth burying the hachet for the day and having them both in the wedding party. Not asking her could be a decision you regret in the future. Who knows, she may decline your offer anyway!  It's your call, but for me, it would not be worth possibly causing a large family dispute and causing further alienation of a sibling.  So she isn't the greatest sister in the world and she gets to wear the infamous matching colored dress anyway...so what.

  • SofiaF82SofiaF82 Posts: 177

    Easy way out? Don't have a bridesmaid. Choosing one over the other will cause unnecessary fighting and arguing and it's simply not worth it. 

    You could however use this as an opportunity to assert yourself when it comes to your older sister, if she's involved as a bridesmaid she could see how much of an adult you actually are as you make decisions and tell her what you want for your wedding as the planning goes on...if you get what I'm trying to say?

  • Roisin2Roisin2 Posts: 2

    The biological or adopted relationships make no difference to me at all. I think of the both as my sister, but there dispute with each other seems to based on this. I can see what your saying Sofia, perhaps it will show her that she can no longer patronize and belittle me. She will see that I am in control and unfortunately her opinion counts is not always right. And I guess it doesn't matter if she's wearing the same coloured dress for a day. I suppose in a way I want to make a statement and show her that the way she treats me is not ok. I really need to talk to her about it and tell her how I feel I guess instead of alienating her and using the position or lack of as a wepon. 

  • I think you're making the right decision...talk to her.  You're dead right about not using the bridesmaid title as a weapon.  I hope that one way or the other it strengthens the relationship.  Like I said, she may end up declining the role if you weren't close to begin with - then you're off the hook!

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